I know this is probably a shitposting meme. And my wife and my female friend, when I asked them, both laughed and said, “Yeah all the time.” I can’t tell if it’s sarcasm.
I asked this because Im a guy, and we’ve heard it all before. The guy plowing a warm apple pie. The ookie cookie BS. The jerk off with a sock. Dudes have done some weird things. I absolutely have found myself relieving some stress in interesting ways.
But veggies: Is this a common thing? Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
During puberty, should I start giving my children Amazon gift cards or no questions ask money to protect my produce?
I am aware this question is ridiculous and I am prepared to be ridiculed.
Well she said she used it for 3 hours so I can only imagine it was in fact and edging case.
Veggin’ edgin’ ftw
Okay it’s a pickle at that point.
Well that’s the nastiest thing I’ve read today so far
so far
I have never met a woman who told me she did this, and I’ve certainly never done this. Toys exist for a reason.
it could happen, specially with teenage girls. but it’s not often. the risk is higher in the discovering and exploring phase. (I’m a woman)
It’s a shitposting meme. The poster has this pinned on their twitter:
That said… I have heard horror stories about poor theater staff finding cucumbers after the 50 shades premiere. Some of it was just people memeing and trying to prank but I’m not entirely sure about all of it.
4chan greentext, but signing with your name? Brave.
It’s not real, son. 99% things said and shown on social media aren’t. Try to not be a little bitch for once.
Got a bit freaky with a friend once. I used the cucumber on her. We both ate it after. Don’t leave that shit for other people to eat. As long as they have common sense, you should be fine.
Chances are, if something can be fucked or used as a dildo… somebody somewhere has done it out of horniness.
I believe hotel rooms & their contents are specifically designed around this
I still remember about 20 years ago a female friend told me that she masturbated using a bottle of Bawls energy drink (IDK if they even still make the stuff). It was a glass bottle that was bumpy all over (think of the divots on a golf ball, but inverse) and she apparently used it on her clit/vulva.
When I was a horny pre-teen boy and had no idea how to actually beat off, I discovered that rubbing a silk/nylon pillow with pictures of cats on it felt really good.
JD Vance fucked a couch.
Good deflection buddy. You shared, which is the important part. Progress.
The cats, right?
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
did you catch Poor Things?
As a teen I had little to no interest in penetration. Tampons didn’t feel good, so why would I assume something else would? I wasn’t really interested in penetration until I was interested in my partner specifically.
Once I (eventually) figured out pleasurable masturbation, I still stuck with external stuff mostly, and fingers in general. Eventually I got a job and a debit card and could privately online shop, but my little bag of toys continues to go mostly unused. Nothing beats my fingers.
I don’t know about other women, but for me masturbation is and always has been much more about what’s going on in my head, and then adding the pleasurable sensations to that, rather than experimenting with different sensations.
For a beginner I literally cannot imagine a cucumber. How many dicks are as thick as a grocery store cucumber? None I’ve seen in real life. Maybe in porn, but I can’t think of any. It would just hurt. Beginners would need something maybe the size of 2 female fingers. (Maybe a farmers market cucumber that’s skinnier?)
That kid just learned a valuable lesson about washing things off when you’re done using them. Especially food. Fucking gross lol
Maybe just throw the cucumber out if you use it that way
That is a perfectly good cucumber! Just picked the mother fucker. The salt and vinegar will sanitize it… And now you’ve got pickles!
You better make sure your son doesn’t have access to coconuts
I thought this was long gone with the annuals of time.
this was only 2 years ago, right? like maybe last summer or the one before
Too soon.
Or shoeboxes
or coconuts
or anything with a cavity inside
Or just anything
Definitely hide any cylinders tho
Or a melon baller.
Just don’t have him near african and european swallows and you’re good.
Or glass jars
Am I going to have to worry that my daughter, when she reaches a curious age, starts exploring with vegetables?
No. Worrying doesn’t help anyone. Just relax.
Next thing you’re going to tell us is that we SHOULDN’T become absolutely obsessed with the personal habits and sex lives of other people whom I will never meet nor be involved with in any way! Preposterous!
the way I look at it, you’re wasting your resources And making unnecessary enemies if you interfere with the sex live of other people.
Is it normal for teenagers discovering sexuality to improvise sex toys? Absolutely. Cucumbers are generally a convenient shape and size. When I was a young male teenager, I used hotel shampoo bottles. (Almost got one stuck inside me, no idea what I would have done.) When the time comes to have that talk, mention sex toys and that if they want to experiment, they should use objects that are meant to be used that way and that you won’t judge them for it. I’d probably also mention that you won’t open packages addressed to them and leave it at that.
Also tell them: In the worst case, when improvising despite your warnings, flared bases are essential!
I wouldn’t know first hand but there is a whole trope and many books about this.
Cucumbers are the gateway veg.
PAIGE NO!!
Spicy.
The Bad Dragon company wants to know your location.
Cucumbers are the gateway veg.
Posts a picture of bitter melon.
Weird flex but okay.
Whooooosh!
That was his point. The pic is of what could be next.
