My current girlfriend and my most recent ex talk and talked, respectively, about me changing their ideas on dating and how men should treat them.

My ex and I ended because of some things she was going through and she decided to break things off with me because of that; stuff impacting her life that had no bearing on me as a person.

But she would tell me about guys who would use her for easy, quick sex. She was obviously looking for love and they were looking for a quick fuck. She said that spending time with me and us dating made her feel valued and respected. She didn’t go on real dates with these other guys, she didn’t have them do things like hold the door open for her or other gentlemany things I had done. Honestly, I told her it was the bare minimum to do while on a date, and she should expect more for herself.

Not that she should be snotty and be entitled in the wrong ways, but don’t be afraid to tell some horny freak to fuck off once in a while. It’s not like you’re always horny and ready to fuck, why should it always be when he wants it? Why don’t you get some of the basic things you want too like being taken out for dinner and a movie and ending the night without always having sex? Why can’t he come around even when you’re unable to have sex, like when you’re on your period, and be able to just take you out for a nice evening? Why can’t you have some of the nice things like being treated like a lady sometimes, especially when you clearly are a respectful lady, yourself?! Why shouldn’t you get gifts and be taken out on a special day like Valentine’s Day? I had gotten her a rose like the one from Beauty and the Beast and she loved it so much, said it was the only time she ever got a gift on a V day and that honestly made me sad but feel good that I could make that day one to remember for her.

It was nice hearing her say those things about me and me getting a chance to show her a little taste of a what a real man can and should do for her. I don’t feel like I did all I could, but I tried and I felt good knowing we ended in terms that were better than others. I used to remind her that her dad, who she loved a great deal but had passed away, would want the best for her and would have fought to make sure only the good guys were in her life and she should do the same for herself.

My current girlfriend and I always talk about this, we just did before I came back from lunch. She told me how she’s not used to being the one to want sex from a man and she would just sort of “give in” when her boyfriends would ask for sex, even if she wasn’t really in the mood, because she felt like that’s just what you do in a relationship. Which, I guess can be true to an extent. A good partner will do things for their partner even if not in the mood but it doesn’t always have to be that way and not for every occasion. I told her that if she ever doesn’t feel like it, it’s fine for me. I have other ways to “please” myself, and they don’t have to involve me cheating either. Her ex husband cheated on her and she felt low self esteem as a result of it, for obvious reasons. But she says how she feels valued and pretty when she’s with me. She always has the most beautiful smile and blushing when I tell her she’s pretty or beautiful and it warms my heart every time. But she really is to me and I sometimes just stop and stare because I’m in awe of how I’m here at this moment and we just shared a kiss and how beautiful she is with her smile after each kiss we take. She’s said other things too that make me feel like I’m doing the right thing here and she’s experiencing romance in a different, but good way.

I don’t consider myself a great, terrific guy, but it always feels nice to hear this from someone else as a sign of reassurance that at least I’m not a scumbag.

It makes me feel good to hear these things, that I was able to help someone feel good and see a better side to dating.