I’m doing some research for a post I’d like to make in this community about the crisis of masculinity and I had a question pop into my brain: Why don’t manly men explain the reason for being a man?
Let me explain.
A manly man may, when asked why they’re a man, respond “Look at me”, as if phenotypic expression makes them a man, even as they may disparage a trans-man who has similar physical characteristics. Or they may say, “Because I’m the breadwinner” or some other variation that references the role they play in society as a man.
But like…why do that in the first place?
I’m a biological male but I honestly could not provide a purpose for being a man even though that is how I gender myself. I don’t appeal to my role as a man in anything I do nor do I see it as a justification for acting in any way. I don’t aspire to “be a man”, it’s not a motivating force.
So, I’m curious as to why it does for others. Help me out, y’all! Why “be man” in the first place?
Aspiring to be some vague archetypal construct of what a man is seems silly to me. I think people should aspire to have certain values and scruples. Most valuable men I’ve met were defined by their behavior and actions, rather than image and projection.
See, this is what I thought initially: “I’m a man” is an indirect expression of values. And in more thoughtful men, traditional or otherwise, they may be able to articulate their values. So, I think this is probably the best answer.
But then there’s the obvious question of why those values embody being a man only. Why can’t women value the same thing and have the same type of expression? This part of the traditional manliness-as-values makes absolutely no sense to me. It seems unnecessarily restrictive.
Traditional gender roles are useful until they’re no longer useful, as a society changes. I think western culture is going through a number of identity crises as a result of changes to various status quo, and the idea of “manliness” has become confusing for many. And unfortunately, the western world isn’t great at suggesting or encouraging healthy alternatives or the means to individually arrive at them. We instead wage culture wars, point fingers, and do disservice to those suffering in silent confusion.
This is all clearly just my opinion from my armchair, and I respect and welcome contrasting points of view.