I think arming yourself with information about ADHD is your best bet to break any cycles related. Get diagnosed, get them diagnosed, seek counseling if it’s feasible. There are a ton of coping skills that can help, but they have to be learned, and counseling will help in that tremendously. If that’s not available, there’s a ton of resources online.
It’s also important to know that ADHD isn’t necessarily something wrong with you, it’s an adaptation. People with ADHD tend to be incredibly well performing when they’re in the right environments, which is the kind of thing that can be learned through counseling or research.
Search for “adhd coping skills” and try them all until you find what works for each of you.
Since what works is different for everyone so you will both need to develop coping skills independently.
But also keep in mind that many techniques won’t work for you and you need to be persistent and that doesn’t come naturally with ADHD so I suggest aiming for whatever technique will help you achieve that first.
Its also crucial, when trying to teach these methods to a child, that you frame them as multiple options that can and will fail to help, and that the failure is of the method not the child.
These techniques are akin to shoes. You go to the store to try on a bunch of different styles to see what fits, whats comfy, what looks good, and what you ultimately want to wear outdoors. You dont fail to fit a pair of shoes. They just arent your size.
Trying a bunch of coping mechanisms and skills that dont work will feel like failure if framed incorrectly, and make it harder to try the next one. Kids dont always know how to change their frame of mind around these things, so its key to help make sure they dont think of it as another test to pass or fail.
I’ve started saying out loud around my child, “Doing it this way isn’t working very well for my brain. I need to try other ways until I find what works for me.”
I needed to hear that so badly as a child (heck I need to hear it as an adult!) And I’ve noticed my child is less hard on herself since I’ve started doing this.
Fuck.
Same.
I see it in my kid too.
How can I stop the cycle but still help.
Words suck. What are some good words for me but also my youngin
I think arming yourself with information about ADHD is your best bet to break any cycles related. Get diagnosed, get them diagnosed, seek counseling if it’s feasible. There are a ton of coping skills that can help, but they have to be learned, and counseling will help in that tremendously. If that’s not available, there’s a ton of resources online.
It’s also important to know that ADHD isn’t necessarily something wrong with you, it’s an adaptation. People with ADHD tend to be incredibly well performing when they’re in the right environments, which is the kind of thing that can be learned through counseling or research.
Search for “adhd coping skills” and try them all until you find what works for each of you.
Since what works is different for everyone so you will both need to develop coping skills independently.
But also keep in mind that many techniques won’t work for you and you need to be persistent and that doesn’t come naturally with ADHD so I suggest aiming for whatever technique will help you achieve that first.
Its also crucial, when trying to teach these methods to a child, that you frame them as multiple options that can and will fail to help, and that the failure is of the method not the child.
These techniques are akin to shoes. You go to the store to try on a bunch of different styles to see what fits, whats comfy, what looks good, and what you ultimately want to wear outdoors. You dont fail to fit a pair of shoes. They just arent your size.
Trying a bunch of coping mechanisms and skills that dont work will feel like failure if framed incorrectly, and make it harder to try the next one. Kids dont always know how to change their frame of mind around these things, so its key to help make sure they dont think of it as another test to pass or fail.
I’ve started saying out loud around my child, “Doing it this way isn’t working very well for my brain. I need to try other ways until I find what works for me.”
I needed to hear that so badly as a child (heck I need to hear it as an adult!) And I’ve noticed my child is less hard on herself since I’ve started doing this.