This happens in Germany.
Work culture doesn’t fit my personality: I don’t talk much, I keep to myself, I simply want to do my job and go home, I separate my personal life from work, my colleagues are full fledged gossips, ignore the duties that need to be done and then expect me to help them when they are late. I don’t have patience for that crap anymore.
Due to internal regulations, I have to stay on the unit for 4 weeks after sending my notice. Answering honestly the question of why I’m quitting would ensure that they yell at me and bully me, and I don’t want to experience that again. Even saying ‘it’s none of your business’ ensures that they feel insulted and start yelling. I have decided I don’t have patience for people like that anymore.
So, what do I say?
Assuming they don’t know what you’ll be doing after?
Say “found a new opportunity.”
You could be headed into unemployment and that’d still be a businesslike and no nonsense reply.
“You! You’re the reason I’m quitting. Yeah, you’re just kind of a shithead, you never do anything, you just kinda run your mouth all day long and I can’t fucking stand it. Like an unbuttered piece of toast thinking it’s interesting…”
And then scream at them, start laughing like a maniac for some time and start crying loudly.
That will be the most awkward interaction ever.
A bearded stranger told me to throw away a ring.
Tell me where is Gandalf for I much desire to speak with him.
Best I can do is have a bearded man expose you as a thief to your neighbours, only to have have his friends party at your home at a later point in time.
Start telling a long and rambling story that in no way relates. Keep talking until interrupted.
I remember being on the hiring committee for my new manager. One of the two finalist candidates took several times longer than necessary to answer the questions without adding substance. When we met to discuss our decision, most committee members tried to voice more substantive reasons. Finally someone just cut the shit and said something like “it sounds like no one wants to listen to him talk.” So yes, yammering is an excellent people repellent.
Be sure to punctuate your actions with the occasional “…Which was the style at the time.”
Exactly the example I was thinking of. “Give me five bees for a nickel, you’d say.”
Interrupt yourself with explanations that jump from place to place on the timeline of events but doesn’t help the story in the slightest. “It all began with (insignificant event) back in (month and year). We were supposed to be doing (work task with too detailed of an explanation), but (coworker) started talking to us about (current event at the time, explain in too much detail). Then (I/family member/friend) got COVID about a week or so later. I think they probably got it from not wearing a mask at (event). (Explain all the COVID precautions and conspiracies and left vs right politics).”
So basically watch some Trump speeches and mimic them.
People who talk like that exist and I have to work with them on my team. They have been to, I think, a psychiatric hospital multiple times too.
If they ask you to get to the part where the reason for quitting comes up, insist on giving them the “necessary” “context”.
Then continue talking, except this time about some completely different incident. If they ask you to complete the previous incident, insist you were talking about this new incident all along.
“well, with how things are going…”
“You’ll find out soon enough”
“You know about mice and ships…?”
Refuse to elaborate further.I found a good opportunity elsewhere.
My friend asked me to apply for a position they say has better career prospects.
America is hiring remote workers at better salaries.
Something unchangeable at this company reminds me of my dead dog and it’s been killing me for years.
“oh damn, you guys didn’t know? I feel bad for you but it’s probably too late for you now. Guess you’ll find out soon enough.”
Then: complete radio silence.
I need to move to Frisia to cater for my ailing mother.
Which Frisia?
This one. I didn’t know there was another?
East, West or North Frisia?
It was a joke, I was just picking somewhere far away.
“ I would love to stay but a personal matter has arisen “
Or
“I was made an incredible offer I could not refuse”
I just need to find myself.
I’ve quit a toxic workplace before - I just said “it’s a bad commute”. Nobody can really pick at that reasoning since everyone has way too many personal variables for commutes (even from adjacent houses) to be comprable.
I am personally curious what “internal regulation” means?
I believe that’s the rule in Germany, meaning, giving a month’s notice.
I didn’t realize it was regulated myself!
Exactly. There’s a minimum 4 weeks that can be increased in the employment contract. Going up to 3 months is not rare, depending on the industry/type of job.
And it works both ways, so if the employer wants to fire you, the same notice period applies.
It’s the same in the Netherlands, but the notice period for the employer is always double that of the employee.
If its a contract with unlimited employment time, like most contracts in Germany are, he cant fire you anyway, at least not without a valid reason, which could include: stealing, not doing your job, always coming late when there are meetings, stuff like that. But you can only properly be fired for that, if you do it multiple times (depending on the severity), you will get written warnings beforehand.
Another reason is mass layoffs, but they have to have a valid reason too, which doesnt include “oops we hired too many people last year”.
So under normal circumstances you will not get fired in Germany, its a different story if you only have a 2 year contract for example, then you might not get a renewal, but a company cannot indefinetly rehire you with a limited contract, they will have to give you an unlimited one, if they want to keep you for longer.
Help me formulate the dullest response to colleagues
Now if there was ever a job for an LLM like ChatGPT, this is it
These are the best answers of the bunch. Honest, direct, and without emotion.
flawlessly German
I asked Bing to answer like a politician. Here’s what I got.
I appreciate your engagement on this topic. It’s indeed a multifaceted issue that requires a nuanced approach. When contemplating the intricacies of career transitions, one must consider the broader socio-economic factors at play. The dynamics of the workforce, the shifting paradigms of work-life balance, and the pursuit of personal fulfillment are all critical elements that inform such decisions.
In the grand tapestry of one’s professional life, each role is a thread that contributes to the overall pattern. It’s not merely about the positions one holds, but the narrative they weave together. It’s about the people you meet, the skills you acquire, and the impact you make. And sometimes, to continue weaving that narrative, a change of scenery is necessary—not because the previous scene was inadequate, but because the story demands growth, and growth often requires change.
Moreover, in the spirit of public service and the continuous quest for improvement, it’s incumbent upon us to seek out challenges that not only test our mettle but also contribute to the collective advancement of our communities. Thus, when one door closes, it’s not a termination, but a transition; not an end, but an evolution. And as we evolve, we must adapt our strategies and roles to better serve the common good, always with an eye towards the future and the endless possibilities it holds.
It’s important to consider that a career, much like a journey, is composed of various experiences and opportunities. Decisions regarding one’s professional path are often reflective of a multitude of factors, including personal growth, aspirations, and the ever-evolving landscape of the industry. It’s essential to align one’s professional endeavors with the broader objectives and values that we hold dear. Thus, any decision made in this context is done with careful consideration of not only the immediate implications but also the long-term vision for one’s contributions to the greater good.
I asked llama2.ai and this is what it said.
The suggestions sound… generic. I guess that’s the point.
- Keep it simple: • “I’ve decided it’s time for me to move on to new opportunities. I’m excited about what the future holds.” • “I’m leaving for personal reasons, but I’m grateful for the experience I’ve gained here.”
- Emphasize positivity: • “I’ve learned so much during my time here, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to have worked with such a great team.” • “I’ve really enjoyed my time at this company, and I’m going to miss working with you all.”
- Offer support during the transition: • “I want to make sure that everything runs smoothly during the transition. Is there anything specific you’d like me to focus on in my remaining time here?” • “I’m happy to help with training or knowledge transfer in any way I can. Just let me know what you need.”
ChatGPT gave me:
“I have decided to move on to pursue different opportunities. Thank you for your support and cooperation during my time here.”
Nice! I asked llama2 to provide two examples of each.
Go with the standard politician non-answer: “to spend more time with family”. I have no idea if German politicians give the same stock response though!
I won the lottery.
My mental health can’t handle this bullshit.
I had an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.
I have to care for my father/mother/aunt/dog.
I want to travel and see the world.
I hate you.
I hate (insert random coworker/boss here.)
My wife/husband is taking care of me.
Onlyfans makes more than here.
Ha, tell each one that you hate a different one!
