That Family Guy scene where Stewie says “mom, mom, mommy, mommy” over and over again and then runs out of the room
This. And don’t forget all the complaints. Food bowl empty, box not completely empty, blanket not folded just right, chair occupied by human and not cat, too hot, too cold, food need food, play with me.
accurate
My cat does this bark/chirp and gives me this frustrated confused look. He’s essentially saying “Me, attention me” while he stretches his hands at me and “pretends” it’s just stretching.
He thinks he’s clever but I got him all figured out.
Cat starring out window: " LOOK HOOMAN THERES BIRDS!"
Cat runs to back door: “lemme out, lemme out, lemme out”
lets cat outside, car vrooms past 20 seconds later
Scaredy cat gets spooked by car: “Lemme in, lemme in, lemme in”
cat proceeds to explain what i assume is a tall tale of heroics, birds, and loud mechanical beasts he defended the hoomans from
Repeat above a few times a day.
My hamster is a fucking primadonna hipster who works out 8 hours a day.
“Pellets…? Really…? Don’t you know they’re full of carbs…OH!! Fruit snacks!! I need energy!!”
“Carrots and dill treat? No thanks. I only eat the cranberry ones.” *Drags treat over to his pooping corner and leaves it there.
Me: “Did you just flush that treat down the toilet…?”
At 1:30 AM “I’m going to the gym!” *Pushes hamster wheel up against the side of his cage for maximum banging and clattering noises, then proceeds to go on a brisk run for 2 hours.
When I’m feeding him. “You may pick me up and pet me human, I consent. I like warm hands.”
When I need to clean his cage. “Bad touch, bad touch! I do not consent! I will bite you!”
My wife and I make up what my cat says. She has “conversations” with us. If we say something to her, she meows back. So we will say things like “what should we make for dinner?” And of course she just says “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want kibble for dinner. Think of something else.” So she again says, “meow!” And we say, “no, I don’t want canned wet food either!”
My one cat very agressively tells me each day when I get home that I must pick him and give him scritches right now.
My other cat speaks in secrets with the demons that reside in the dark corners of my home at night.
Why is my food bowl empty???
What are you eating, can i have some?!?
That will be about 80% of the conversation based on my experience.
LETS GO OUT LETS GO OUT I NEED TO GO OUT WHY ARENT WE OUTSIDE YET?
IT’S TIME TO GET UP! IT’S TIME TO EAT! I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL!
THE GUY WHO BRINGS BOXES IS HERE AGAIN AND HE’S REALLY GOING TO KILL US ALL THIS TIME!!!
I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL! IT’S TIME TO EAT!
I WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY BALL!
It’s time for bed.
My dog judges my parenting. She barks and snorts if I don’t help the kids quickly enough.
We have the President and Vice President of the Starving Dogs of Colorado in our house. That is pretty much their favorite subject.
If my guinea pigs are in their cage they’re yelling at me to get them some veggies from the fridge. But if they’re in my bedroom they just chatter which I assume is general banter.
This morning, my rooster was chasing one of my hens around yelling at her because she caught a frog and just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had to rehome my birds a couple months ago, and I miss them dearly. My absolute favorite part of the day was dumping the bowl of that day’s kitchen scraps off the back porch. They had become so accustomed to it that if they heard the back door open, the damn things would come running like it was some weird chickeny religious call to prayer.
You dump the bowl and then watch them go to town. When everything’s nearly gone, one chicken will get up to nerve to grab the best goody that’s left and tear off. And now they all abandoned the rest of it to chase her and play Bell Peppers Seed Pod Tag.
I miss my birdies. :(
We have two dogs and two cats. All of them talk, but our husky mix is in a class by himself. He carries on detailed conversations all the time. If he could form consonants as well as vowels he would just speak English. And occasionally he sings the blues, quite beautifully.
Denali: “Both cats are on the bed, although Sue is hiding in the headboard. There are three rabbits out back near the windows. Three people are walking dogs somewhere on our streets. And the postman is running late today.” Me: “Okay, thanks for the status report.” Denali: “That was just the summary. Let me give you the details…”
It is mostly complaining about the hardships of life as a creature without any responsibilities whatsoever.
When our cat is really going to town yowling at us, I like to respond “I know, life is so hard, no one loves you or cares for you or feeds you and scoops your poop.”
That or “calm your little kitty titties.”
I have that conversation with my cat almost every day. 😂
Lol I say that first one to my cat too!
My silly boy cat likes to announce everything he’s about to do. Jump up on something? Go use the kitty litter? Karate kick the door open because he wants food right now (he just did that while I was typing this, it is the only way he knows how to open doors) it’s all just little baby innocent sounding meows.
Then when he gets the zoomies, he enjoys a good yodel at the top of his lungs.
Then my sweet little girl cat just enjoys chattering away at me. She also has little high pitched baby meows and sometimes does a call and response with me when I say her name. She’s honestly such a sweetheart. I get the impression that when she chatters at me, she’s telling me how excited and happy she is.
