generally people would like to be appreciated or lusted after for their whole self, not any specific attribute, because this kind of behavior can be objectifying.
I get that. I think it’s always a bit unrealistic, when it comes to the building blocks of attraction, which I think are more often than not initially superficial. I appreciate your answering my question.
I’d describe it by explaining that it’s unhealthy to have a partner that doesn’t like who you want to be. A pre-op trans man is a man. Treating them like a woman during sex would likely make them feel dysphoric. Having a partner that they know wouldn’t be attracted to them if they actually transitioned would just suck. If you identify as a straight man, it would be invalidating of the trans man’s identity to fuck them anyways because you see them as a hot woman.
On the “chubby chaser” bit, think of it like this. I love fat girls, tummy soft 🥺 however, my girlfriend could lose weight if she wanted to. If she would feel more confident with 100 less pounds, that’s okay because it’s her body and I want her to be happy with her own appearance. If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
Yes, on the grounds that it would be shitty to intentionally make someone feel bad. However, if after the woman lost weight you felt less physical attraction to her, I would understand. And then it’d be up to you to conclude at the point the importance to you, and if it’s fair to either of you to continue the relationship. Surely there’d be some moral debate if ending a relationship on those grounds is “right”, but that’s really not for anyone else to decide.
Well I’m not saying leaving someone for preferences is bad. It happens. But to enter into a relationship knowing that your preferences wouldn’t work with your partner, that’s shitty.
This becomes ultra-clear when it comes to transgender people who are transitioning in any way. Changes are happening. If you would object to those changes, which you have no right to, entering this relationship is wrong. Someone who does so is likely to use abusive tactics (manipulation, persuasion, leverage) in order to get their way and choose aspects of your transition (even medical, surgical) for you.
I think if an attraction leads to the objectification of your “type”, it’s problematic regardless of what that type is. If you just have a preference and you handle your interactions with people with the necessary respect everyone deserves, I can’t see a problem with it.
This makes sense to me. It’s okay for superficial features to be an initial factor of attraction, but as soon as it becomes the focal driving force despite the finer qualities of the individual, it’s problematic. Well, unless the person of focus is okay and into that dynamic, I suppose.
You may be naive. Chaser behavior is often only a surface-level symptom of a deeper abusive system. A chaser will usually then reveal dehumanizing beliefs about their partner (victim) before the relationship turns into a more easily identifiable form of domestic abuse.
A healthy person or couple can have a type, or even a body-type fetish.
I don’t understand. What’s wrong with being attracted to people of a certain body type?
generally people would like to be appreciated or lusted after for their whole self, not any specific attribute, because this kind of behavior can be objectifying.
I get that. I think it’s always a bit unrealistic, when it comes to the building blocks of attraction, which I think are more often than not initially superficial. I appreciate your answering my question.
I’d describe it by explaining that it’s unhealthy to have a partner that doesn’t like who you want to be. A pre-op trans man is a man. Treating them like a woman during sex would likely make them feel dysphoric. Having a partner that they know wouldn’t be attracted to them if they actually transitioned would just suck. If you identify as a straight man, it would be invalidating of the trans man’s identity to fuck them anyways because you see them as a hot woman.
On the “chubby chaser” bit, think of it like this. I love fat girls, tummy soft 🥺 however, my girlfriend could lose weight if she wanted to. If she would feel more confident with 100 less pounds, that’s okay because it’s her body and I want her to be happy with her own appearance. If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
Yes, on the grounds that it would be shitty to intentionally make someone feel bad. However, if after the woman lost weight you felt less physical attraction to her, I would understand. And then it’d be up to you to conclude at the point the importance to you, and if it’s fair to either of you to continue the relationship. Surely there’d be some moral debate if ending a relationship on those grounds is “right”, but that’s really not for anyone else to decide.
Well I’m not saying leaving someone for preferences is bad. It happens. But to enter into a relationship knowing that your preferences wouldn’t work with your partner, that’s shitty.
How can you always know? People are complex.
This becomes ultra-clear when it comes to transgender people who are transitioning in any way. Changes are happening. If you would object to those changes, which you have no right to, entering this relationship is wrong. Someone who does so is likely to use abusive tactics (manipulation, persuasion, leverage) in order to get their way and choose aspects of your transition (even medical, surgical) for you.
I would agree with you if relationships (or even sex) were initiated entirely on prurient grounds, but they’re not
Fair point. I think that’s subjective and likely varies individual to individual. But in that light, I can’t argue with you.
I agree with you.
I think if an attraction leads to the objectification of your “type”, it’s problematic regardless of what that type is. If you just have a preference and you handle your interactions with people with the necessary respect everyone deserves, I can’t see a problem with it.
This makes sense to me. It’s okay for superficial features to be an initial factor of attraction, but as soon as it becomes the focal driving force despite the finer qualities of the individual, it’s problematic. Well, unless the person of focus is okay and into that dynamic, I suppose.
Regardless, it makes sense to me.
You may be naive. Chaser behavior is often only a surface-level symptom of a deeper abusive system. A chaser will usually then reveal dehumanizing beliefs about their partner (victim) before the relationship turns into a more easily identifiable form of domestic abuse.
A healthy person or couple can have a type, or even a body-type fetish.