TRIGGER WARNING: man rant with a hint of mysticism and philosophy…

Something all mums need to see.

Picture of a sign in my kitchen which reads, “GOOD MUMS have sticky floors, Messy kitchens, Piles of laundry, dirty ovens and HAPPY KIDS”

Mr Peeler cracked the shits about how the kitchen was untidy. Admittedly I didn’t clean up very well yesterday, I felt fucking awful and it was an effort to drag myself through any task. I reminded him that he has made plenty of mess in the past week and cleaned none of it. He countered that he was sick. I reminded him I was too, and am still recovering! But only people with main character syndrome are allowed clemency for illness😒 Anyway, to cut a long story short (and a lot of futile self defence type arguing and bullshit out) I have this sign in my kitchen. After a similar argument many years ago, I left the house and went for a walk. I found myself in the op shop around the corner from my house. I walked into the store and there it was, this sign, perched atop a collection of kitchen bric-a-brac. It was literally the first thing my eyes saw when I entered the store. I shit you not, I swear on both my parents graves, there was a soft shaft of light from a high window that fell across some of the kitchen stuff, including this sign. It was so freaky! It was like, a sign but also a sign. You know, a sign sign. Of course I bought it, took it home and placed it in a prominent part of the kitchen, where it remains to this day. Mr Peeler later admitted he’d been a total dick. As he always does. Having the impulse control of a 5yo is not easy for a 60+yo boomer. He does not seem to be able to stop those first words from coming out, and having been in too many relationships where I didn’t adequately stand up for myself if at all, I am shockingly defensive and do not back down in an argument.

Additional thoughts: I’ve spent altogether too much time in pubs, bars and taverns, done a frightening amount of drinking, and been in the position where it’s late at night and the talk has turned personal. Older men often speak of their mothers, especially after a recent bereavement. I’ve never once in my whole life heard a man say, “my mum was a good lady but I wish she’d cleaned the oven a bit more often,” or “I wish mum had vacuumed more often.” They do say things like, “my mother never held me,” “my mother never told me she loved me,” “my mother was really cold to me my whole life and I never knew why,” “my mother put dad first and us kids came a long way second.” Because these are the things, at the end of the night, at the end of life itself, that really fucking hurt.

Thankyou for humouring my rant!

Been a while since I dropped by. This is why:

I think we’re finally at submission day 😬

Can I say it? Imma say it

Sky pretty

Colleagues who send not remotely urgent emails on a Sunday evening, eww.

Morning DT Fam…

What’s everyone up to today?

I made a waffle!

Found out tonight that Montana is a red state. Dad ordered a Bud Lite at the restaurant and the waiter informed him that they haven’t sold it since the “Bud Lite fiasco”… I looked up what that was and realised where we are. Do a quick Google to see how ridiculous these people are… or just Click here

Then I thought back through my day and realised I haven’t seen one black person here. I also recall seeing one of those cheap novelty tshirt stores on the main street, one tshirt being Trump with big 80’s sunglasses on and it said “I’ll Be Bach”, which isn’t even clever. There’s no Bach joke there, it’s just a Terminator reference and it’s Back. Now I’m silently judging everyone I see.

e: despite her deep comfort I was saved by a knock on the door from a neighbour which dislodged her and finally got me going. Taking a tram after ages and this is one of the less hectic 109s. They gotta figure out better transport though the tram gets so packed once it hits those masses of apartments recently popping up in Abbotsford near IKEA.

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Every time i gaze upon this picture of mishycat, i plotz.

Finally gathered myself into an acceptable public form, as I have run out of toilet paper and have been holding this massive shit all day lol

The need to clean and hang out clothes is strong but so is the need to nap. Think I will do the clothes then let myself have a lil snooze. Life has been so hectic lately I just keep crashing everytime I stop.

So order of the afternoon (I got a walk and some food prep done this morning so that’s good)

Hang out clothes Nap / lazy snoozing Clean kitchen and vacuum Suss out the diary for the week. More snoozing.

Well shit, housemate is proper sick, it comes out at the ER that they are having head issues and we’re just hiding them thinking they’d go away. It’s going to be a very very long night of testing and obs it looks like.

Have to say first time in a long time I’ve seen the state of our ERs and jebus it’s bad, lots of very sick folks just plonked in a corner and poked every hour or two just to make sure they aren’t dead.

• Take a walk: Buy milk and look for dish cloths
• Eat something
• Dust
• Vacuum
• Shower
• Eat something more
• World Cup Final
• Eat something before bed

Misanthropy brews. Sorry if I’ve seemed pissed off lately, but I have been. I hope it’s just the nicotine withdrawal.

I keep getting reminded in AA that many of the people there are super ill. Both by members and the ill people with their awful behaviour. A lot of misgendering and ridicule or creepy comments about my appearance. It’s been mostly good for me, as it’s developing a routine and meeting other sober people, but I’m having doubts about staying long term like some of the cultists as I call them. The whole idea of getting people to sponsor each other is quite problematic, as they have zero training and there is no training or place to complain about someone being really bad at it except to other members, and then you’re kinda breaking the anonymity. Nothing’s perfect and it definitely works for a lot of people, but there’s also a pretty low retention rate in the program. I won’t throw in the towel yet, but I’ve definitely narrowed my scope and actual places I can feel safe without getting resentful or angry with someone else in the room, which is exactly what we’re told to avoid. We’re supposed to turn the other cheek and try and help that person, but they’re a creep, they’re obviously going to take it the wrong way.

end rant.

has anyone else had any experience with these anonymous groups?