Which side of the bed is the left side? Is the answer based on the perspective of laying in the bed (person’s head at the head end)? Is the answer based on viewing it from the foot of the bed, looking at the head of the bed? Is there an “anatomical position” or special terminology like in boating for this?
For context: My boyfriend and I can’t agree on this. We change who gets which side based on the shoulder we’d predominantly sleep on and how it’s feeling. This let’s us get good cuddles before shoulder pain gets irritated. He comes to bed after me. A while back he asked what side I’m sleeping on. I said “left”. Later that night, he comes in and almost lays directly on me because he claims “left” is the other side. Since then we have to describe which side using complicated descriptions.
The answer is easy, but to get to it, a little bit of a thought experiment is probably helpful. I say, look to how we define our own left and right sides for guidance. When facing forward, our left hand is on the left side of our body, and the right hand is on the right side of the body. Perspective doesn’t matter, and there is no ambiguity.
Now we need to extend this to the bed. A bed has a head, just like a person does. So where would its face be? It seems clear to me, unless you are sleeping on a dead mattress, that the face is clearly going to be looking upwards at the ceiling at the head of the bed. So the left side of the bed, if you are standing at the foot of the bed looking at it, would be on your right. Just like the left side of your friend, when you are standing in front of them and looking at them, is on your right.
Now if you just imagine the mattress to be perfectly spherical and in a frictionless environment…
(Obviously just having fun with this answer, but it’s also the right answer)
I’ll have to counter his argument with this. I think it nullifies the standing at the foot line of thinking.
It’s easiest if you think of the bed as a person. I call mine “Ed the Bed”
Stand at the base.
Face the head
Now the age old question of “where is the base?”
On the bottom, holding up the mattress (optional)
Driver side, passenger side.
Get nautical! Port and starboard.
I can get on board with this! (Pun intended)
But then which side is the Bow and which the Stern?
The bow would be the foot end, since you’re looking in that direction
I would say the foot is the Stern and the head the bow I guess. Just to stay with a sort of head being the front of something and foot being the tail end.
Captain drives from the stern, though. If you sit up in bed you’re facing the bow.
But during normal use, you are facing the foot. I would think that makes it the Bow
I guess even if you are a stomach sleeper your feet are still towards the foot. Maybe this is best.
Which country?
Following because this drives me nuts too
Someone save us, give us an authoritative answer
Happy to hear we aren’t the only ones.
To avoid confusion, just say driver and passenger side.
I meant this to be a joke, but if you assume your bed drives forward toward the side with your pillows then it actually works. But if you read in bed with a reading pillow then I guess you probably want to drive your bed toward your feet side of the bed…
Driver and passenger side confuses me more because of your last point. It’s backwards. But it still needs to be named foot of the bed and not head because it’s where it feet go. So your first point also makes sense. Both are right and wrong at the same time
Right, left if you’re looking at the bed from the foot.
Stage right, stage left if you’re looking out from the bed toward the foot.
He did theater stuff in HS, so we may adapt this if neither of us concede. Good work around.
Theater stuff in high school… Is that like making out backstage after rehearsal?
Probably along the same lines as band camp. I’m sure there’s a few “This one time…” stories.
Stage left is the only definition that matters here, unless you have good reason to care about audience left owo
House left is the better methodology, you’re going to be talking about sides while looking at the bed more often than while already in it.
If you lay in the bed, depending on if you are lying on your back or stomach, left and right still change.
Ususally a bed is positioned with the head against a wall, so if you are facing the bed from the foot end, left and right are always the same. So I vote left/right is as seen from the foot end of the bed.
But what if your bunk is on a marine vessel?
Imagine the bed is a clock. The 12 o’clock position is at the head — I don’t think anything else makes sense. That makes it unambiguous.
The positions are 3 o’clock and 9 o’clock.
And 3 is obviously on the right side of a clock and 9 on the left so the debate is settled.
Not if you consider the clock’s face is facing you. Facing your face. And so you can’t expect its right and wrong to be the same as yours.
Let’s say you have a day to move your stuff and you’re down to the last minute. You only have time for one more trip back inside. Your girlfriend says to grab whatever’s left of the clock. You go inside and look at its clockwork face, still gazing up at you with blank, bright numbers. Where the clock has hung all these years, to one side there’s a window with a bottle sitting there. To the other a vase with flowers. What do you take? What’s left of the clock, the vase, or do you say screw it and grab the bottle, without bothering to read carefully what’s inside?
I’m afraid this is all just more confusing, sorry
When we sleep, the monsters are at our 6.
This will only lead to more confusion.
I’d say it’d be from the perspective of laying in it, since no one cares what side of the bed is which unless they’re going to lay in it
This!
End thread.
I agree, only sensible way to do it
Ah, but as you say, people only care when they’re “going to” lay in it, meaning they’re not in the bed yet. Once you’re in bed, you pretty much never need to specify the left or right side, you can say “shit, i spilled a drink on your side!”
So, since we only care about left and right sides while we’re not in bed, I say who cares about the in-bed perspective. What matters is how it is oriented while you’re standing up and looking at it. So that’s how I’d assign left and right side.
To that, I’d say it’s likely better if we use landmarks. Identify unique furniture or a window or something on each side. Then, refer to them as “Window side” or “Lamp side”.
My girlfriend lies on my right arm, so she’s on the right side of the bed and I’m on the left.
Forget left-right. Use port and starboard.
This is the correct answer. It’s how ships avoid running into each other. When whoever is steering the vessel is facing the bow (front, usually the pointy bit), port is their left, starboard their right. Ship’s running lights are red on the port side, green on the left. So if you’re out on the water at night, you can immediately see whether a ship is coming towards you or moving away. The rule for passing an oncoming vessel is “port to port”, thus avoiding confusion and collision.
Sitting up in bed I would consider the headboard the stern, because I have my back to it, and the foot the bow. So the area to starboard is right, and portside is left. Ahoy maties!!!
Well, so which is the front and which is the back?
The front is where the spoiler isn’t.
Race car beds FTW.
I actually love this. Imagine all cars are race car beds and then use driver and passenger side lol.
You mean “prow” and “stern”.
port and starboard are based on the orientation of the ship, not the outside observer
Yes, but without knowing which is fore and which is aft you cannot make that judgement.
fore would definitely be the foot of the bed. that’s where you are looking when you are using the bed properly
Define “properly.”
the bed was designed for sleeping. just because you can face any direction while fucking on it doesn’t mean anything, because the same can be said of a ship
Beds have a head and a foot, so the head is fore and the foot aft.
Ah. But in a bed race, it’s foot-first, implying a direction of travel that itself dictates head==aft and foot==fore. Totally different from how ironman flies, fwiw.
Driver’s side and passengers side?
Stage left and stage right? (Depends on where your curtains are).
People drive in different sides in different parts of the world.
Fuck it, topside, underside.
The majority of people occupying the same bed will have congruent driver/passenger sides. Distant strangers don’t need to know which side you are referring to. Couples from different regions could adopt the local convention.
My wife sleeps in the middle, like a snow angel, so I always sleep on what’s left.
Oh, you are a witty one. Good answer.
Or what’s right.
What’s left ain’t right.
The story of my life.
Correct.
We customarily refer to the ends of the bed as “head” and “foot” which are analagous to the head and foot of a sail in nautical terms. Therefore “forward” in the ordinary bed naturally corresponds to the direction of straight up toward the ceiling, and the port side is the one on your left when lying in the bed facing that way.
Lie in bed on your back. Stick out your left hand. That is the left side of the bed. Stick out your right hand. That is the right side of the bed.
Completely arbitrary.
