If so, does that mean people actually remember a persons name & face after only one encounter?!
If not, why do we pretend they will be upset, and try to hide the fact that we forget an unfamiliar name?
No matter how carefully I say my very simple two syllable English name for people, they call me another variation of it. My asshole MIL has called me by the wrong name for over 25 years on purpose because it’s the kind of thing she likes to do. I give up.
It happens. Half the time people get bummed, the other half they are OK with it and will tell you they have a hard time remembering names too. I am in the latter group. When I forget a name and the person is obviously upset I’ll tell them “let me tell you something few people beside my wife know about me, I have this social anxiety that yadayadayada…”. This usually smooths things out as I’ve shown a vulnerable side and nice people sympathize with that. If they don’t fuck em
If we’ve just met, not at all.
If we’ve been best friends for 10 years, that would sting a little.
Some do, some don’t.
I certainly won’t as I tend to forget names a lot. Call me as you wish.
Will do Jerry!
Stop calling me Jerry.
Alright, As You Wish.
Thanks, as you wish!
I always lead by stating I suck at remembering names, which usually works. Still I understand why some get upset, because they themselves spend a lot of time and energy cramming names. I too cram names if they’re needed in a work function.
I usually find it relieving because I don’t remember their name, either.
Yes! I spend way too much time wishing other people will mess up so I’m not worst in class, haha.
People like when other people care about them and one way to show that is to remember their name. Some people are too self important and think everyone should remember their name. We have a name for that. It’s Asshole.
Knowing people’s names isn’t about hearing it once and remembering. It’s about learning people’s names and forming relationships. Here are some ways I learn names
When you meet someone and they tell you their name repeat it to them. When you ask them a question, address them by name. Use their name more than you think you should.
…And when you inevitably forget their name, apologize and ask again. Before they even know you forgot. Sometimes (most of the time) they don’t remember your name either.
Better still. Apologize, tell them you forgot, and ask them if you can guess. You know what you think it was. Was it close to Jason? Do I look like a Jason to you? Well, actually… (better conversation than what preceded)
Use mnemonics. A girl in my class sat three from the end. Her name was Trinity. Zoe and kYm were next to each other in the back of the room. YZ. Use your penchant for location as a tool rather than excuse.
Deliberately read nametags. At the supermarket checkout. Security guards. Janitors. Doesn’t matter. Thank them by name. This is EXACTLY what their tags are for. Use them! This is good practice for when it “actually matters” or an easy way to be decent to other people.
I’ve taken a habit of quickly saying I don’t remember names well in some spaces. It comes up a lot in volunteering and activist spaces, where you might meet a dozen people at the same time and then not again for another month. Everyone has a quick laugh and forgives each other for forgetting their names.
(I feel weird if people refer to me by name, which probably says something about my relationship with myself)
I can give a tangent I suppose. I, like many have a first and last name. I prefer… Military style (no idea what to call it, if it has a proper name). I’ve gone by this for 25+ years. I’ll introduce myself as such to people I know, work with, etc. and there’s usually questions… Which I can understand, generally it’s people not believing that that’s my name. Either it sounds too absurd to be a name or it is too absurd to be a first minute, we’re honestly I totally get. A quick show of their driver’s license usually sorts it out. And most people will refer to me as my last name. Only occasion someone will use my first name and it doesn’t really bother me, usually. (And just be clear I don’t use it like how a teacher would I use it like as if it was a first name that makes sense…).
When it does bother me is when it becomes obvious that the person is going out of their way to make sure they use only my first name. Because it is a clear sign of disrespect. And in almost every single case it’s clear that the person thinks they’re the first person to think of this and they think they’re clever and that I don’t notice. The most blatant was as individual started to say my last name, immediately stopped after the first few letters, and switched to my first name… It cannot have been more obvious that was intentional.
If it’s a clear sign of disrespect, can you say why the person wanted to disrespect you?
Depends, in my experience.
In High School, I forgot someone’s name, and being autistic and all, I just said outright “You, I forgot your name”. We knew each other and all, but I have an issue associating people’s face to a name. Of course, they were upset, but since they used sarcasm I had a hard time figuring it out (autism) until one of my friends asked me why I said that, and told me it was impolite.
Now I basically explain that I have trouble remembering names, and usually my new friends understand. I guess you just need to say that you usually have trouble with it and you should be fine.
I always preface with the fact I’m bad at names. I forget names of coworkers I’ve spent years with. Even friend’s names sometimes. In fact, I does not even have to be a person or animal’s name, jus the name of something. Places, objects, locations, etc. I frequent a park that has sentimental value and I couldn’t tell you the name off the top of my head.
A friend of mine has a joke that I always get the letter wrong. Usually I’ll say “I think it starts with [letter]” and most times it’s incorrect.
Usually there are ways around it since I’ve been told it’s rude, but nobody has ever outwardly told me they were unhappy I’ve forgotten. Typically they will notice I forget other names before it becomes a problem with them.
Question’s been covered by others here, but I just wanna pitch in with I can’t remeber names OR faces. Imagine how awful I feel when someone starts talking to me like they know me and I don’t recofnize them at all lmao
Only if i have fairly consistent interaction with them
I was a low level IT guy many years ago and had worked for the company for about 4 years. There was a sales guy also named Bob that I would help out a few times a year. It was a small company, around 50 employees, and every year at the company Christmas party sales guy Bob would come up to me and say “I don’t think we’ve met, I’m Bob”.
That pissed me off, but it is the only time I can remember where I was upset someone didn’t remember my name.
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Oh, you mean…um… whatserface?
me hearing a person’s name once during being introduced
me… minutes later realizing that there is just a blank spot in my memory where there name should be
me… waiting for months hoping that somebody uses their name around me in a context that attaches a name to that person because I’m too much of a coward to ask the person directly
My name has so many variations that I don’t. But I can understand why others do, they don’t want to be associated with either a more common archetype than they are or a less common one, e.g. I have a friend who goes by Lydia, and when people call her Linda, it feels as if she feels the unique implications of her name challenged.