Hello gay people in my phone. My child (16) sort of came out as trans to me today. I have been here for the memes for a while, and ive long been a supporter of gay and trans rights.
Do yall have any recommendations of resources for parents of trans kids? I want to help and support them correctly and to the best of my abilities.
Looking for maybe books and communities? Thank you.
The only hesitation I’d give with this advice is, it may be better to wait on pronouns until they’re more fully out. It sounds like they have family they are NOT ready to know, and… Well, you can brush off one or two misgenderings without much suspicion, but eventually it could leak some information they don’t want out yet.
I had a friend in a similar situation, out to close people, but not out to their family or strangers. We decided it’d be best to keep using he/him, old name, etc. for convenience and safety, until they finally fully came out last year. The only difference from my perspective has been to delay those habits for a bit. No situation is the same, though, and the parent would be beat served talking to the kid.
youre right. its easy for me to forget that aspect because I have alot of practice in not gendering people to others when I know theyre still in the closet, but physical safety comes first.
Yes, this is a concern i have as well. I have not discussed new names or pronouns with them yet because they havent shared any of that with me yet, and i dont want to rush them.
I have tried to keep my reaction to supportive but also not act like anything has changed.
I am currently using gender neutral pronouns in this post because it already feels wrong to misgender them even if they are still “girlmoding” (am i using that right?)
They are coming for a visit soon, and i plan to discuss how they wish to be referred and if there are other differences in how they wish to be treated by me at that time. Until then i dont plan to make many changes in my behavior. In a 1 on 1 conversations the only pronoun is “you” so it probably wont matter yet.
Hahah, I have no idea if you’re using that right, looks close enough to me.
I think that’s the best way to proceed. Each case is different, and each person is different. The only way to know is to talk to them. Like I said elsewhere, you seem like you’ve got the right mindset, and that’s 80% there. The rest you learn as you go, with the person you’re supporting.
I don’t have anything helpful to say but just wanted you to know this post is making me almost cry because I wish I had a parent like you. Thanks for being their safe space.