At what step do you struggle the most?
Tbh I just think women would find my hobbies stupid
Up until recently, I hadn’t gone out dating in over 15 years. I feel like the thing I struggle with the most is finding people who would be interested in me in a romantic/sexual way. I’m not a social butterfly by any measure, but I am able to put myself out there. I’m also not the type of guy that exudes charisma. I also have a semi-permanent resting bitch face/scowl. And at 6’3” and 260lbs, I feel that intimidate people. If I were with a group of people that I felt comfortable with, I know things would be a lot different. I also tend to overshare. 😉
And at 6’3” and 260lbs,
Humblebrag.
(Unless you’re a lady, I guess)
Unless he’s a high level athlete, he’s morbidly obese at that weight.
Maybe medically. I’m guessing he still looks average in fat Western places, though. You don’t really look fat in my local terms at 6’1 until you hit 300 or so.
Source: Got close for a spell, was regarded as slightly husky. I’m back to 200 now, which I can live with. I assume some of the people I see around must be in the 400s or even 500s.
Getting past the mean mugging appraisal stare as i approach her
Just not very interesting. Most people just don’t show much interest in me beyond work buddy status, and work is pretty much the entirety of my social life. Down-side of moving to a new area. Making friends as an adult is hard, dating doubly so when there’s no one to introduce you to new people.
But historically the hardest part for me is expressing anything that can’t be back-pedalled into “just meant as a friend, buddy.” The second you cross that line, nothing will ever be the same for better or for worse. I hate committing to that change. Just feels like I’m ruining things irreparably every time. I’ll toe that line all day, crossing is just a bitch.
I don’t consider them hurdles any more. After a while you adjust to who you are. That means less dates than many people around me, for good or for bad.
Predatory lesbian brainworms, I have forced myself to set the benchmark of “if someone repeatedly compliments your appearance they will probably be flattered even if they don’t reciprocate” and that has helped.
I really struggled to parse your comment but it started making more and more sense. I guess part of my issue was the concept of my appearance being complimented multiple times by non-partners is pretty alien to my own experience, hehe
Generally the comments I get are when I put in effort to my appearance. Putting together a nice outfit, accessorizing, doing something with my hair, putting on a good perfume for the vibe, that sort of thing.
It gives me confidence and a mixture of that + demonstrating thought/intentionality is what I think is what is hot to folks. At least that is my perspective on it when admiring other femmes. I feel like it is something anyone can do in their own way?
I get that men might be afraid of like, being called gay for putting effort into their appearance, but honestly just not having a thin skin is an attractive feature in someone.
I work from home and live on a sailboat, sailing up and down the west coast (south in Winter, north in Summer). Not exactly a lot of opportunities to develop or maintain social connections other than on Discord/Steam. How would I even meet anyone during the week or so I stay in a given town before shipping out? And who wants to date a guy who’s only in town for a week or two per year?
The only way I could maintain a relationship would be an LTR where she lived onboard with me, but I don’t see how I could every date someone to establish that LTR in the first place. Kind of a chicken and egg situation.
I may be one of the few guys in the 6, 6, 6 club who’s been single for years with no hope of finding a woman. And I just don’t think the changes I’d have to make to my lifestyle to make that easier would be worth it. So… I guess I’ll just die alone?
My marriage. ^/s
Spouses can be such cock blocks smh.
I’m what’s called demisexual. Essentially I am mostly aroace unless I have a certain kind of emotional bond. That can happen pretty quickly, but it can also take years depending on the circumstances.
Unfortunately that doesn’t work well in today’s society that’s focused on instant gratification.
Like, if you aren’t all over someone within x hours somehow that’s considered to be a rejection. And if you ever show any interest in getting to know someone they immediately assume you want to bang them that evening.
Please!
Meeting people, especially since I really dislike the idea of making someone uncomfortable or putting them is such a position. If I’m out in public I do not want to ask out someone who’s working a service job and I rarely talk to people otherwise. So unless there’s a good setting for natural talking to happen it feels rude/unwanted as they just want to do their thing in public.
Actually finding people i guess? I meet tons of people with my shared interests but none I want to date. I am demi so maybe that’s part of it
Time commitment. Not being physically attracted to anyone in my geographic area. (Long distance)
I don’t want kids so that narrows down the dating pool to something more like a dating puddle.
I generally keep to myself. Every social skill I have comes from deliberate practice.
I did manage to find a girl. What I did:
Figure out what my strengths are and in what situations I get to show them. I get compliments on having a pleasant voice. So anywhere I’ll talk some is good.
Work on mitigating your weaknesses.
Work on being a {pick one or more: fun/pleasant/useful/positive/etc} person to be around.
What I did not tell you is how long I had to do this.
Oddly enough I’ve had more people I’m interested in not want kids than do.
I (w4w) don’t date any more, but my experience on dating apps was mostly:
- Women with the personality of a manilla folder
- Couples seeking unicorns
- Fully bearded cishet men posing as women
I’m quite social and comfortable talking to people, but struggled to find anyone that interested me. Though I’m in a relationship now :)
Poor, unemployed and depressed. Also because conservative society.
