Hello,

this might sound like a lie or a Letter to Penthouse, but I’m in a situation I’ve never thought to get in and I’m just a bit flabbergasted on how to proceed.

EDIT: Since English is not my First language and I lack the skill to keep this coherent without names,

Let’s say my fiancé’s Name is Lara.

And the Name of the female friend of mine is Nami.

Everything started when Nami came to visit me and Lara to celebrate Lara’s Birthday with us and our friends. Since Nami lives on the other side of the country, she came to stay a whole week with us.

We live near the Beach, so we went there and spent the day. I still have no Idea how we started talking about this, but we started talking that I (m) had no Problem if Lara would kiss another Girl. The conversation continued and she said she would like to experiment with me and another Girl.

Since Nami is in an open relationship with her significant other, we started jokingly talking about this.

Last night, Lara and I talked even more about this. And we agreed that Nami would be the only person (at the moment) with whom we could even think about doing something like this. So because we are cowards and haven’t done anything like this ever, we send her a Text message. (She was literally across the hallway in our living room). She said she somewhat expected something like this and said she will think about it. To be clear, we just want to start slow and I see what is okay to do and what not.

Lara is demisexual, and Nami is also not opposed to Girls (I forgot the correct Terminology, sorry ._.).

I have literally NO Idea what might come and I could REALLY need some advice. Do I just keep rolling with it and see what happens? Or should I do something?

Please don’t give me any “Frat bro”-type of advice, I’m not a Chad or anything. I’m a chubby dude who somehow managed to get a beautiful girl to fall in Love with me. I had sex with only two women ever (multiple times, though), so I know how to have Sex but this would be a HUGE step out of my known territory.

I’ve known Nami for more than 10 years and had a long time crush on her.

And I love Lara with all my heart.

  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    0·
    1 month ago

    Well, if everyone is in agreement before it starts, things can be pretty easy.

    any sexual encounter is a matter of negotiation, whether you do it before, or during. With a threesome, before is much better. You don’t want to get going with expectations of nami and you having vaginal intercourse, when she thinks the event will be her with lara, and you with lara.

    Communication, communication, communication. Talk it out before you even agree to actually do it. If there’s going to be oral sex, everyone needs to know who they can and can’t do it with. Same with vaginal sex. Same with anal for dang sure.

    You need to know ahead of time what things are absolutely off the list. And you need to agree on what happens if one person no longer wishes to continue. Yeah, it’s obvious that stop means stop, but does everyone retreat to another room, does everyone go home, etc. Part of that is making sure there’s a clear agreement on how to signal that there needs to be a pause, or a full stop. Doesn’t really matter what that sign is, it just has to be very clear.

    I can’t stress enough how important it is to do all the talking up front. I have never particularly enjoyed threesomes, even when they went perfectly, but the only way to be certain they happen perfectly is for everyone to go in fully aware of what’s going to happen. Later on, if things go well as a threesome, you can worry about working in spontaneity. Your first group experience is just too important to roll dice with.

    It really seems like the arrangement that’s going on is probably being thought of as the two ladies enjoying each other as the primary goal. I suspect that’s what they are both focused on, based on how you told the story. So be aware of that and make absolutely certain that’s okay with you, because it will be lara’s first time with a woman, and when that happens, it can be extremely difficult to work another person’s wants and needs into a single encounter. You may end up just watching, and that can be difficult to deal with.

    • Nerom@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
      0·
      1 month ago

      Thank you! This is actually useful!

      So we talked even more me & Lara and tbh. I would be totally fine with just watching. I don’t really like my appearance and would be absolutely fine just to watch both of them, because they are really beautiful! Nami is still sleeping so we will talk later.

      But thank you! So many people don’t get that I don’t ask for advice IF I should do this. I ask for advice HOW I do this.