It’s obvious and you would be deluded into thinking everyone you interact with likes you.
But how do you feel it?
Context: I’m a course instructor and I get direct reviews on my lessons and around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.
There’s less than 5% of my reviews that have real negative and non-constructive comments. Things like accusations of being incompetent or unprepared or full of shit, etc. They mention times I had technical difficulties or made a mistake (like giving an incorrect response)
Just by the numbers alone this is a very small minority overall. Yet these comments stick in my head and make me doubt my abilities.
So what are your strategies or ways you drown out this stuff?
I don’t like everyone I meet. Why would I expect to be liked by everyone I meet?
i like me.
everyone else is optional
What if I don’t like me?
I feel this comment in my bones.
Enough to make my systems go, welcome to the new age to the new age
I go in assuming no one will like me and then I’m just pleasantly surprised whenever they do. Like, only 5% didn’t like you? Not too fucking shabby, well done!
I’m too old to care. I like me and so does my family. That’s all that matters to me.
Once you come to terms that most people don’t like you, you just have to work backwards a bit.
It may sound a little silly but when I get good feedback on something, I pop it in my journal under a specific tag so I can revisit it from time to time.
It’s unfortunate that people are unfair to you, possibly they are younger or otherwise have incorrect expectations about your fallibility as a human.
I used to respond to things like that but these days I let the positive comments speak for themselves. Just remember to ask for feedback- a lot of people otherwise won’t do it unless they’ve got something negative to say.
“I, ShinigamiOokamiRyuu, like your way of doing things and send her best wishes.”
There, you have a journal entry to finish the day with.
They could also just be projecting their personal shit, and there’s no controlling that. Or they just don’t want to be in the course. Or they have deluded expectations.
People can be super finicky like that. I remember when in high school, I certainly didn’t want to be there, and I know I found a way to make it my teachers’ fault, who were probably pretty good people considering they put up with us.
Are you fucking serious? Did you never get bullied in school as a kid or something? Are you that privileged? What the fuck.
Wish I could help with the strategy. I don’t deal with this in any way, I genuinely don’t care if someone likes me or not. I actually don’t think about it. I understand this can be a problem and mess with one’s confidence in a situation like yours, but the numbers speak for themselves - you are in a good place.
As I have gotten older, I have learned to realize that there are people who can not forgive and can not forget. They are the most negative-nellies, and will judge you and most likely themselves bad for just being human. I still listen to them, that’s basic human respect. I don’t let their words tear me down, that’s basic self respect.
“What we got here is, a failure to communicate. Some men you just can’t reach.” - Cool Hands Luke.
around 95% of feedback is positive to very positive.
Don’t focus on the ones that don’t like you. Focus on the ones that do. Unless there is something constructive in the negative reviews, you can safely ignore them.
I just stopped caring. Why should it matter if people like me? Life is a very short, fleeting construct. Wasting time worrying about what some other human thinks of me makes literally no difference in the grand cosmos. I’d rather put my energy toward something interesting.
As a teacher I can say that in every class- adults or teenagers- there will be 5-10% who will love you no matter what, 5-10% who will dislike you no matter what, and everyone else will be in between.
You have to learn not to take it personally because it isn’t; you’re just the body in the room when they happen to be feeling shitty about their day, their life, their job etc.
Also remember that some people will just tick 10/10 in every category because they can’t be bothered to do it properly, so don’t let that go to your head either.
What you need to do is reduce it to pure numbers. Weight loss, for example, is not about how you feel or even how you look; only the scales will tell you the complete and accurate results without bias.
What you can measure, you can manage. Look at average scores over time across multiple categories. Is there a trend? If it’s negative, then write up a plan to fix it. If it’s positive, write up how you achieved it. Then show it to your boss and get a raise.
At the end of the day the shitty commenters want you to think about them. I usually just laugh; there’s always one in every group.
There are 9-10 billion people on this planet.
Among those people, you have countless personal preference based on everything from what they expect to what makes them comfortable based on past experience.
There are also 10% or so with ADHD and other things, changing it up even more.
So run all of that through a computer showing you a majority of the likely outcomes, and there you go. There’s no way that your style, your choice of content, your presentation, how you present the material, etc, will please everyone because it’s impossible to do.
Flip the table. Anger. Disgust. Judgment. Indifference.
If you want to be nice you can always keep your doors open to resolution. But it makes no sense whatsoever to give away mental and emotional real estate for free to donkeys and assholes. It’s simply too valuable and you should cherish it for yourself.
You might think indifference is the weakest of what I’ve mentioned. But being ignored is extremely painful. Aurelius wrote that this is the default goto if you don’t have a witty comeback.
I like to pretend that I’m inherently superior to them :)
