I found this site a while back - basically it will ask you a bunch of questions on your usage of your PC, and will came out with a list of recommended distros, and a list of reasons why YOU could like or not like it.
There are some similar sites to this one, but since I’m not familiar with them, I won’t post them. They are simply DuckDuckGo-able though.
I don’t disagree with you.
All I want is for some objective statements about different distros. Like tell me what distro is a full time job to maintain. Tell me what distro is sending me to the command line all of the time. Give me some basic functionality benchmarks (search time, opening a browser and boot time) on a low, mid and high end computer.