I’ve into the goth scene for about two thirds of my life now, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked if I’m sad or depressed. Back in college I showed up to class with some elbow length fingerless gloves, and the dude I usually sat next to practically tore them off because he thought I was covering up cutting myself. His defense was “I have a friend who dresses kind of like you, and they were those gloves to cover up scars.” Well, my dude, I am not your friend and you now no longer have a study partner. I sat elsewhere the rest of the semester.
I thought I was the only one. I grew up in po dunk AR. And being black students and teachers treated me like shit. Going so far as to give me F’s until I proved it to the princepal that it was because my race. He told me the next paper she asks you to write come to me and tell me what it was about and I will write it for you. I did as he said. He wrote it and I handed it in as my own and gave me an F. I showed him the paper he called my teacher to the office while I was sitting there and asked wtf was up with this. She had no answer but studdering. She re-evaluated my papers and gave me all A’s. Probably not the same thing as you but many time I had white paint thrown on me because I was black and they did not want a black student but thats another tale.
Not necessarily bad, there’s something about the combination of looking non-threatening and decisive walk that makes people ask for directions and/or assume I work there. It’s great for tailgating too. I’ve walked into at least two restricted areas just by accident.
Honestly, I’d more judge you for microwaving tea.
I can accept that
Holy shit I thought I was the only one who did that. Works great at bars and restaurants especially in college towns. If you pretty much act like I was already here then you can skip the charge and everything. Though of course I always buy bouncers a drink no matter what city I am in.
My brother and I got randomly selected for extra screening before getting on the plane. The entire line of random people are not white, what are the odds?
It depends on where you fly to/from
My experience after 9/11 was similar but also the opposite. I flew a lot back then. I’m white and was very young at the time. I would see minorities getting singled out but also people like me. I assumed it was to try to make it look fair. "See? We’re not bigots; we’re also inconveniencing this white young woman "
I look like I’m straight out of school, sometimes people explain things to me like I know nothing.
Not that I think they’re automatically malicious. Sometimes I find myself in the “explaining” position because I think not explaining makes me sound I’m cooped in an ivory tower.
it’s always a gamble when trying to share knowledge.
I’ll even ask people on the job if they know something and they just reflexively say yes when they absolutely do not.
LOL my brother and I were having a discussion just now about our Ivory Towers…He works in police and his real higher up always wear white shirts. I work kinda in the same field as an RN and I have to answer to a doctor who wears white or if I royally fuck up and the hospital has to take responsibility I answer to a room full of them.
I’m Jewish.
I once heard someone use the phrase “Saul to Paul” in front of one of my Jewish neighbors and I wanted to just shrink down to the size of a molecule so that I could float away.
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?
It’s a reference to Paul, from the Bible (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_the_Apostle#Names). He was known as Saul when he was Jewish, and then later went by Paul after he converted to Christianity. The phrase “Saul to Paul” is often used to refer to someone who converted to Christianity, as opposed to being born a Christian. But it is also sometimes used more generally to mean something that turned around or improved. Like, if you want to say “glow up” but you also want to make it clear that you think Christians are better than Jews.
Ironically, the person who said it was Mormon, and most Christians do not consider Mormons to count as Christian.
My wife came to Canada because her and her pilot father Mohammad had their immigration status to NYC revoked in 2001. You can guess why. A win in retrospect, but not at the time
I’m black. Been judged and profiled my whole life.
I wanna punch racists and Nazis so bad.
Why the fuck do you think you’re better or worse depending on your skin color or ethnic background?
This is basic biology, how you are is almost completely disconnected from what you look like.
I’m so sorry for all that stuff. Hope you found a way to deal with it.
I deal with it through a lifetime of developing thick skin, education, and comedy.
The occasional threat of handing out 3/5’s of an ass whooping helps as well.
Admirable
Slightly. Not in a terrible, life-altering kind of way, but just enough to make me think, “Oh, that’s what that’s like.”
I live in condo building and the average resident here is very old, very religious, and very conservative. No joke, several Lyft drivers have asked me, “So, is this a retirement home? I always thought this was a retirement home.” When I moved in as a 26 year old guy with long hair and a ponytail, I did not fit the vibe.
I was changing my bicycle tire in the parking garage and a woman stormed up to me, absolutely convinced that I did not belong there. She said that I needed to be a resident to be in there (so, assuming I wasn’t one), then started grilling me about what unit I lived in, how long I’d been there, etc. She must have thought I was stealing the bike, but taking a few minutes to change the tire first; you know, as one does.
It was an irritating but short exchange, and she left quickly. But it still put me in a mood for like half an hour afterwards. And it got me thinking: if you’re a minority, you probably get that all the time. Like, you don’t even have time to cool down from the last exchange before someone does it to you again.
So I tend to dress “well”. I’m not great at fashion, but I shave every morning, force myself to spend a bit of money on nice tshirts, etc.
On the weekends though, I let it all go. I go out to the store in my PJs, I don’t shave, I wear my hat and hoodie up, and to be honest look a bit like a thug. I notice people on the street are a little less comfortable walking by, however…
One thing that stood out insanely was the grocery store. When I dress like a homeless person, it is night and day difference:
- Cashier keeps the checkout stuff closer to them
- While my card transaction is pending, if I start loading stuff in my bag they’re like “oh, oh wait… It’s still pending”
- Even when I start the small-talk (“How is your day going?”), responses are short
When I dress well:
- Cashier doesn’t mind when I start loading my backpack even before paying
- Cashiers always smile and ask how my day is
I was planning on writing a blog post about it (plug to !dginovker_blog@lemmy.ml), but wanted to get more data points first
Interesting, what happens when it’s the same cashier in the two situations?
Not as drastic as some of these comments, but I used to be pulled over once a month when I had long hair and a beard. I had a 45 minute commute everyday and like clockwork, once a month I would get pulled over for a bs reason (speeding by 5mph, flashing highs to warn other drivers, suspicious vehicle etc). Once I cut my hair, no more problems, go figure.
do you live in america?
If I have I’ve either never noticed or it wasn’t memorable
Then why are you commenting?
Fair point, I can see how this does not add to the conversation. Sometimes I forget I am not legitimately supposed to answer with a negative.
It’s an understandable mistake regardless, but just for your reference, the “What is your story?” at the end informally indicates it only wants affirmative answers because that’s how you’d have a “story” to tell in this regard. There are often hints like that in a question like this.
I look really young. Like I’m 40 but routinely pass for early 20s or even late teens if I do my makeup with that aim.
I get carded buying alcohol a lot. I hated it until I was about 27, and it really started to make me feel great! Especially once my gray hair started growing in (I dye it regularly so nobody really sees them, but I know they’re there). If all you’re trying to do is guess how old I am from how I look, I will love your answer.
But people often judge my experience or expertise as if I am only as old as I look when I am really twice that age. I hate when people assume I’m the office assistant or new hire when I’m the Assistant Director. I had physical therapy for several months due to a chronic shoulder injury, and the old ladies there loved to tell (not ask) me that physical therapy must be so easy for me as if my joints aren’t fucked and my pain and effort aren’t real. Still pisses me off so much.
And don’t get me started on the creepy old guys who see legal jail bait…eugh.
I hate when people assume I’m the office assistant or new hire when I’m the Assistant Director.
I started my own company, with my name on it. I want to punch old white man who asks if “Mr Alcaran” is in, or if the owner is my father or husband.
I once did an interview with someone who asked me if this was my internship. He didn’t get the job.
Xi thinks you should get a male dog or cat. When people ask for Mr Alcaran, show them puppy pictures. “Isn’t little Mister Alcaran a good boy!”
There’s a lot of micro-aggressions and straight up aggressions in this post, but honestly your comment strikes the biggest nerve for me. It genuinely shows that a portion of the world don’t consciously see women as business owners
I’m Hispanic, used to live in a red part of NY. Have been profiled by cops many, many, many times.
One time the cops gave me FIVE tickets for driving without insurance, while they held my active insurance in their hands. I lost sooo many days of work and almost lost my license fighting that shit.
Another time they pulled me over and spent 20 minutes on the side of the road trying to interrogate me to give me a DUI. I was perfectly sober and was coming home from a long trip with my dog. They also kept insinuated that my dog was dangerous over the radio (shiba inu, she was curled up asleep)
I’m sure those cops are still on the job and only got a slap on the wrist though.
Trying to rent Tokyo apartments as a non-Japanese (with some Japanese language when I started, in my 30s, with a job and valid residence status). Got shot down so many times. Technically illegal but good luck proving it was based on race to get any relief from it.
Unfortunately, you really have to bring a Japanese person with you when you’re viewing apartments.
White guy in Japan. A lot of people will assume I don’t speak any Japanese (=am a tourist). I’ve had it many times where after a transaction at a shop, the staff literally tells me “I’m so glad you spoke Japanese, I was so afraid when you walked up since I can’t speak English”
Same boat. I’m yet to find a good response to that. On one hand, I want to be like “haha yea”, but on the other hand, I want to be modest and not comment on it… Which is just like an awkward silence. I usually just say something like “oh yea I used to live here” but even that feels like oversharing :p
