followed with ‘I wasn’t aware is so important to you. I didn’t want to insult you and if you felt so, I apologize. The word fuck is one I use very often, but I’ll try to control myself around you’
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud due to a job error.
Really not a good apology.
It comes off as looking down on the other person.
Note I didn’t insult the coworker (no fuck you or fuck off), but simply said ‘fuck’ out loud
So it is all just bad behaviour on your side. You can apologize for that: Your own behaviour. NOT the coworker’s interpretation of it.
I wouldn’t wory too much about that coworker, if they can’t handle something as banal as fuck, it’s their problem, not yours
Lol, you’re funny.
Go say “fuck” while standing in front of a judge. It’s banal, so it’s his problem, right?
Until he fines you for contempt of court. Or jails you for continuing to say fuck after being warned.
Society as a whole is a judge. If you refuse to try to get along with the rest of society, it may decide to not get along with you.
Vast majority of society does it, a small fraction make a big deal out of it, some do it behind closed doors, but to say society condemns it is just wrong, it’s only a small fraction of a over controlling corp jobs that disallow it. But what’s funny, those execs are all doing it themselves, maybe open the curtain and stop doing what a small portion of society has deemed “acceptable” for the rest of the world.
Some judges won’t care, others would love to swing their power around, you seem to be wanting to be crushed am quieted by those above you for no reason other than their own enjoyment of theirs hypocrisy over you.
Say darn, shoot, dick, dang to a judge and you can have similar results as fuck, so what’s your point here? What isn’t a cuss to you may be a cuss to someone else, yet you want a few people to be the judge of everything? Sure makes sense
Also, 1/6 of the world speaks English, you could use that exasperation in over 80% of society and no one would even know what you said…… I wonder if you realize how many people cuss in their own language that you don’t even realize or know about……
Until it’s escalated, and then it’s definitely OPs problem. Most jobs have something about professionalism written is their handbook. The coworker will win that fight with hr every time.
Than they can fight that any outburst is unprofessional and they are being harassed for what other coworkers are doing.
Fuck Shit Damn Shoot Darn
No difference, zero, but personal offense for arbitrary reasons.
True in theory, but in practice, those are pretty much universally accepted curse words. I personally swear all of the time when I know the audience I’m around, and hear people swearing from across my office, so culturally it’s not a thing where I work or especially my previous manufacturing job. In places that have outside customers or patients, the expectation is generally different and varying levels of masking those outbursts is required, sometimes even saying things like "crap"is too much.
It’s part of my religion, are you trying to suppress my religious rights?
Or something like that, there’s always an angle to play if someone wants to be petty or want to exert their “power” over their coworkers.
Wow, you’re all wrapped up in power dynamics you have zero sense of courtesy for others.
Hey, again, you don’t want to play along, that’s fine - you’ll be the one to reap what you sow.
And in today’s business climate of 360° reviews, HR over-reach, etc, you’ll be the one missing out. Pretty much anyone in a business environment would agree that cussing is inappropriate. If nothing else, it demonstrates someone’s lack of ability to either recognize their audience, or (as in your case), to be dismissive of them.
Cuss all you want, just don’t cry when you’re offered up during layoffs.
Comes across as a snide non-apology to me. Regardless of whether an apology or whatever is warranted, the phrasing here sounds nothing like an apology if that’s what you’re going for
Dunno. I’d expect grown ass adults to be able to put their personal feelings aside for the sake of professional obligations. If your coworker is gonna get upset at everything, he’s not in for a very good time.
I agree with the sentiment, but if we’re going to make that argument based around professionalism, I would also have to argue that it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
So maybe this is a situation where both sides can grow.
It doesn’t seem to me that OP’s coworker had an issue with professionalism. Rather, they seem to have been triggered by the use of the word
Than replacement words shouldn’t be acceptable either, you can either express your frustration or you can’t. A choose of word shouldn’t make a difference, it should be unprofessional to make an outburst at all if that’s the case.
it’s not very professional to use that kind of language in a work setting.
That depends massively on the profession, setting, and context.
Restaurant kitchen where something gets spilled, a trade where something unexpectedly breaks, a couple lawyers without anyone else around finding out their client is on camera admitting to the crime, etc. are all fine to say a calm ‘oh fuck’ as a reaction. Someone in an open office who yelled it because their code didn’t compile would not be acting very professional.
It may be more common among certain job types, but I don’t think that makes it professional behavior to do so regardless of the type of work.
Found the op’s coworker.
Any outburst would be unprofessional, a specific word changes nothing unless directed at someone.
OP is a nurse in a hospital.
If no patients were around then an excited utterance gets a free pass.
OP came to share a thing they’re doing and you built this story as a extremely sensitive coworker?
Getting offended by “fuck” is very sensitive behaviour
Extremely.
So. Your co worker NEVER watches TV? You know? Where swearing is everywhere.
I hate your coworker
I would censor the work f–k because it might come off like you’re being passive aggressive and aren’t really trying. Reminds of the time the actor that played Burke on Grey’s Anatomy called the actor that played George a fa—t, then made a public apology saying he’s sorry he called him a fa—t and that he wont say fa—t again, except he said the word. People got even more pissed, and I think he was fired from the show. 🤦
I previously made a comment on how I’ve learned to apologize if you’re interested.
I would censor the work f–k
Instance checks out
Don’t go could turkey, you’ll fail. Lizard brain is gonna respond with or without monkey brains help.
As much as you can, start with replacing fuck with frack or fine or fudge, or just make it funny. Stopping the cadence is harder than changing the word.
Don’t add the while your around bit.
I’m going to work on improving my language, and I’ll be mindful going forward, it’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me.
Also, don’t say, “I wasn’t aware it was so important to you.” That’s definitely a trigger phrase.
Try, “Thank you for letting me know this is important for you,” (or “how you feel”) instead.
Yes! Love it.
I hear “I wasn’t aware” as sarcasm a lot.
“Oh SOWWIE I wasn’t AWARE I couldn’t shit on the floor!”
Vs
“Thank you for letting me know it is important not to shit on the floor.”
I am going to work on improving my language, and I will be mindful going forward. It’s a very deep habit, so please bear with me. Thank you for letting me know this is important for you.
Not too shabby!
A lot of the response here has been around the way the ‘apology’ focusses too much on the person who’s supposed to be receiving the apology and not the person who has something to apologise for. The intended draft follows along the classic lines of “sorry if you feel that way” which implies that the person being apologized to is really the one in the wrong for having taken offence and the apologizer is just indignant at being forced to say anything rather than actually sorry for anything.
I get all that, but… Is there no way to sincerely express being sorry for not considering or anticipating another person’s individual response to something as opposed to the thing itself? Without seemingly blaming them for that response? It’s still about the apologiser’s actions in having been inconsiderate in their deployment of language then, just not for the actual language. I ask because your proposed change “I’m going to work on improving my language” implies that the error was in using the word fuck at all and that their language is in general faulty in some way. I don’t think that’s the case. Having a manner of speech that includes that word is not something inherently bad, the bad behaviour necessitating an apology as I see it is for being too presumptive in assuming this particular person would have no problem with it when it’s known that some people might and also for not immediately taking that person’s offence seriously in the immediate aftermath when they expressed having taken offence (they didn’t take it seriously, this is a follow up post).
It seems reasonable, if expressed very carefully, to commit to avoiding the word around them, since that’s all that person can reasonably want, that’s the problematic behaviour that is getting in the way of their working together. Committing to improving their language can really only mean committing to not saying that word generally which is defacto suggesting the word itself, not the lack of consideration is the problem and also puts OP in a position now of being on the hook in future not just for using the word around this individual but in all other circumstances as well something they shouldn’t promise. If the work environment is such that nobody else speaks like this and they’re the only one then sure, it should have been common sense to begin with and such a commitment is a no brainer, but if it’s otherwise common practice and it’s just this one person they need to accommodate then that’s what should be done, accommodating this one specific person in order not to offend in future and apologising in order to let them know that you hear them and consider their feelings important.
Ugh, so one thing that’s annoying about apologies is that if you use the word “if” people usually think it’s a bad apology regardless of everything else you say. Try to say things like “I’m sorry that it upset you” instead of “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you.”
“I’ll try not to swear around you. I’m sorry. I will probably not be perfect, but I assure you I’m trying.”
That’s enough.
I assume you are genuinely sorry and have decided you want to behave differently around them.
Tell them to grow up. Adults use adult language.
Grow up. Your opinion is shit.
See how condescending that is.
Gotta love it!
Those who say, “Stop being so sensitive” often are the biggest little bitches.
No. It just means they have some maturity about them
Nah they’re little bitches because they can’t handle that other people might be different.
Be a bit more sensitive to others instead of being a little bitch who feels uncomfortable around people expressing themselves and telling them to bottle it in?
Why would you need to apologize at all? You swore. It’s not a big fucking deal.
Right? How about this: I’ll keep the swearing to a minimum if you remove all the religious bobbles from your desk and stop talking about God. You don’t have a monopoly on being offended, and respect goes both ways.
If you have a burning desire to say anything then “Thank you for letting me know how you feel.”
My neighbor passed away and a new family moved in. Talking with dad, I noticed he didn’t swear much. I said a handful of curse words the first few times we talked. I noticed he was a little put off. So I just made a conscious effort to not curse around him. Never apologized, just tried not to. Pretty sure he’s noticed and appreciates it.
Lmao, you forgot the apology part.
