I once discovered the most absurdly garish necktie in the universe. It was almost a plaid-type pattern of tightly intersecting horizontal and vertical colored lines. But every color was vibrant neon. No really, neon blue, neon orange, neon green, neon pink, neon yellow. There was no background color. It was almost uncomfortable to view, like my brain couldn’t process all the input.

And I don’t even know how to describe the texture. I guess it was like… corduroy? All bizarrely thick, ridgy fibers. Nothing at all like the silk of a normal tie. It had heft, with weight and warmth more akin to a scarf.

I was a broke student at the time but I’m still kicking myself for not buying it. Surely it didn’t even come from planet Earth. I could have owned an alien artifact, the necktie with quantum properties so advanced it could clash with every other garment imaginable.