Several months ago Beehaw received a report about CSAM (i.e. Child Sexual Abuse Material). As an admin, I had to investigate this in order to verify and take the next steps. This was the first time in my life that I had ever seen images such as these. Not to go into great detail, but the images were of a very young child performing sexual acts with an adult.
The explicit nature of these images, the gut-wrenching shock and horror, the disgust and helplessness were very overwhelming to me. Those images are burnt into my mind and I would love to get rid of them but I don’t know how or if it is possible. Maybe time will take them out of my mind.
In my strong opinion, Beehaw must seek a platform where NO ONE will ever have to see these types of images. A software platform that makes it nearly impossible for Beehaw to host, in any way, CSAM.
If the other admins want to give their opinions about this, then I am all ears.
I, simply, cannot move forward with the Beehaw project unless this is one of our top priorities when choosing where we are going to go.
I just want to say, I am so so so sorry you had to see that.
I accidentally saw some CSAM in the 1990s and you are right, it is burnt into your mind. It’s the real limit case of “what has been seen cannot be unseen” - all I could do was learn to avoid accessing those memories.
If you can access counselling for this, that might be a good option. Vicarious trauma is a real phenomenon.
Thank you for the advice. I’m not sure that I’ll need counseling but I’m open to it if need be. Time will tell.
Be sure to keep tabs on yourself, sometimes these things can really sneak up on you.