I have some cool little key carabiners that I would have appreciated at any age
A piece of paper with instructions:
Use your tablet to take photos of your home. All rooms, and how and where you sleep. Make sure to remove the scuffed up plastic lens cover first.
At the next visit at the doctor, ask her to talk with her privately. Tell her about your living conditions, show her the photos as evidence. Don’t be scared of her, she’s actually a nice person. She’ll try to help you.
Your mom will be mad, but most likely it’s going to be worth it. Help your dad with the clean-up, I am pretty sure he’s going to be the one doing that.
Oh, by the way, if you haven’t yet done so, don’t give your dad neigbor’s WiFi password. He’ll absolutely juice it by watching HD movies, and they’ll get an “unexplainably” higher bill.
Also, don’t get a dog. You won’t have enough time for him in the future. Just get the fish.
For middle school, definitely don’t listen to your dad about there being no “normal kids”, go to the A grade. If your results are good enough, why not?
Lastly, here’s a gift. Something you wanted so much you stole it from Tesco.Provided with the note is something better than just the hand crank flashlight I stole. A hand crank radio + flashlight combo!
That’s kinda cute lol, hope your doing far better now
A piece of paper with a winning powerball lottery number and the date of its pull
Grays Sports Almanac, 1950-2000 edition
Make like a tree and get outta here!
Butt head!
earplugs
Tinnitus… yeah.
A handheld time machine
A sampler of every psychedelic I can get my hands on with a note about what shit I’m going to be diagnosed with.
A piece of paper with dates and lottery numbers
Can it be my past self from a few days ago? Because I wouldn’t want to give my young self any lottery numbers. That Past-Me would become a lazy ass with no values who never learns anything or knows what life is like. Now-Me would appreciate it much more.
Future you is thinking the same thing and not giving you the numbers unfortunately
A rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle
To visit meathook, yes?
A pair of boxing gloves with don’t quit written on it.
A note to my 16 y/o self saying, “buy as many shares in Apple as you can.” In 1995, they were under a dollar and I could have bought thousands. Ten years later, they’d be worth enough that I could live off the dividends for the rest of my life.
IIRC Apple doesn’t pay divs.
They do. Tesla doesn’t.
Steve Jobs had to die before AAPL paid dividends.
no-timeline-breaking mode: Buster Brown 100% cotton socks. they lack elastic and the mental relief I get from not having my ankle nerves ping my brain all day with “SLIGHT PRESSURE! HEY! HEY!!! JUST A REMINDER THAT YOU’RE WEARING SOOOOOOOCKS” is emancipating.
timeline breaking mode: detailed instructions on getting rich with crypto, majoring in computer science instead of biochem, and oh by the way you’re clinically depressed, gay, and a communist just do your best to fast-track self acceptance GOOD LUCK LOL
A flash drive would have saved me some trouble
A beyblade
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