Our ancestors’ brains went from chimpanzee-sized to modern-sized (actually slightly bigger than today) between two million and one million years ago, and more importantly the language-governing areas increased in size during that stretch. So human beings a million years ago were very much like us today, just without the advanced technology.

My favorite was “a sucking chest wound is Nature’s Way of telling you you’ve been in a firefight”.

Galluspetat

I always liked how archaeologists would dig up ancient statues of big-breasted and big-butted women and call them evidence of a “cult of fertility”. I guess that sounds better than “porn”.

Which can only be applied to Goya products.

Not to mention that restaurants heavily rely on undocumented immigrants in their kitchens.

On the other hand, with all of their workers having been deported, farmers wouldn’t be able to produce anything at all. This is why I want to believe that Republican talk of deportation is just bluster, but I thought that about Roe v. Wade as well.

is a felon

A few houses in my neighborhood had the “I’M VOTING FOR THE CONVICTED FELON” signs up. I would have assumed this meant they were actually anti-Trump except they had a bunch of the conventional Trump signs up as well. My understanding of these people is that they think all the negative reporting about Trump is faked by the left (or that the criminal charges are invalid and politically motivated), not that they think it’s all true and support him anyway.

deleted by creator

Fun fact: through the 1800s coal-powered steamships mostly replaced sailing vessels for the transportation of people and time-sensitive cargo around the world. But steamships were highly inefficient and required frequent re-coaling, and locally available coal was dirtier and contained less thermal energy than the good stuff that Britain (who was doing by far most of the shipping) got from Wales and other places on their island. Because steamships could not efficiently and cheaply haul the coal that they needed around the world to restock the coaling stations, this was done instead by an enormous fleet of sailing colliers. So the “steam revolution” of the 1800s was actually a steam/wind-power hybrid. It wasn’t until the advent of triple- and quadruple-expansion steam engines, turbines, and greatly improved boilers in the early 1900s that steam-powered vessels could efficiently and economically haul their own fuel. And even with that, wind-powered cargo vessels remained economically viable and operating in significant numbers right up until the start of WWII (that’s II, not I).

The Palestinians have taken to the streets to sing songs in your honor. You’ve saved them!

Wouldn’t that just make them zombies right away?

Four undead in Ohio
Four undead in Ohio

I honestly think it’s going to work

I don’t pretend to be able to predict the future, but Trump tried this same thing four years ago and couldn’t pull it off - and he was actually still the President at that time. Seems like it would be even more difficult for him to do it this time as an ex-president, especially considering that he’s now so old and senile that he can’t even paint himself orange properly any more.

Fun TJ Maxx fact: in England the stores are called TK Maxx, apparently because “TJ” means “tug job”.

Nah, prisoners and children will take over all the shitty jobs.

7. Obsession with National Security

I think they’ve quietly dropped this one, since they don’t seem to mind Trump being owned by a Russian dictator, his son-in-law getting two billion dollars from the Saudis, or Trump stealing classified documents and casually leaving them lying around for foreign agents to help themselves to.

he left office with a projected budget surplus

It wasn’t a projected surplus, it was an actual surplus for his final two years. I suppose you could say it was also a projected surplus, but Bush II and Dick “Reagan Proved Deficits Don’t Matter” Cheney took care of that right quick.

I drive a 2001 which is in that dead zone after cassettes but before aux plugs. I still had to be burning CDs a few years ago but eventually stumbled across an adapter that tricks the car stereo into thinking my phone is a 6-CD changer in the trunk.

My best friend in high school in the '80s had something on his home stereo I’ve never seen before or since: an 8-track tape recorder. We would make 8-track mix tapes and take them to parties … which we promptly got kicked out of because they were tapes of stuff like Yes, King Crimson, Laurie Anderson, Tangerine Dream and Vangelis, and didn’t nobody want to listen to that kind of shit back then.