haha my dad always referred to silverware as “fightin’ gear”

We have friends who had an African Grey, and that bird had an insane range of sounds and phrases, etc that she would mimic. Not just repeating words and phrases but impersonating the voice of whomever would say it to her. Like the AOL “You’ve got mail” voice when she’d hear the modem sounds. If we were smoking weed, the bird was having a coughing fit and dinging a pipe on an ashtray. If we were laughing and talking, the bird was over there laughing it’s ass off too. From calling the dogs, to having one-sided phone conversations, to setting off a car alarm whenever anyone would leave, her repertoire was seemingly endless. And then there was the smoke alarm. She liked to pull that one out if she wanted attention, and it would split your eardrums…

or in other words…

“fake it 'til you make it”

sitting under Schrödingers window…

Fuck cancer. King or commoner… getting that news will fuck with your head. I wish him the best.

half-black-jew-ish-drag-queen-9/11-survivor

you forgot a hyphen…

Buttis and Beavhead

Yes! Taste’s just like a Payday bar…

I knew some folks that used to own a “dented can” grocery store named Dirt Cheap Grocery. They would find all sorts of deals on entire lots of nearly expired canned and frozen goods and what ever various other things they could find through their various connections. There would always be something different, and they would have some pretty incredible deals sometimes. I remember buying an entire case of frozen hash brown patties for $5. There were six 5 lb bags in there. we split it up with my wife’s sisters families. Another time they had those Michelina’s frozen pasta dishes that had just expired for 10 for $1. My favorite deodorant scent had been recently discontinued and they just so happened to get a hold of a big display bin full of hundreds of them and sold them for $1 a piece. It took me several years before I finally ran out…

I have a reaallly stupid niece-in-law who prefers to keep her daughter from hanging out with her little cousin (my grand-daughter) because my daughter taught her own daughter that it’s called a vagina and not a tee-tee or what-ever-the-fuck the niece-in-law insists on calling it. She literally does not want her daughter exposed to the word ‘vagina’. I think the world of my nephew, but his wife can kick rocks…

Elvira - The Oakridge Boys

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGKatCAQed0

I know this from experience because when this song was fairly new, we were eating in a Pizza Hut and a kids Little League team came in after their game and proceeded to occupy a good portion of the restaurant. I swear every damn one of those kids had a quarter for the jukebox and every one of them picked that song. And if that wasn’t bad enough, they all just had to frickin’ sing along with it on top of that! I remember a couple of those little turds waving their arms like conductors…

I worked in an office that had a water fountain that everyone stopped using after we got a filtered dispenser installed in the kitchen. Every couple of weeks or so we’d walk in the door first thing in the morning and get a nice little aromatic reminder to run a little bit of water through it…

They taste just like those little wooden spoons we’d get with our ice cream cups

That one has to be my favorite death scene of the whole series. That show was sooo good…

whodathunkit…

My wife’s maternal side of her family is all from Mississippi. I was blown away the first time I traveled up there to meet them all. They all seemed like the nicest, warmest people you could meet. Welcomed me into their family with open arms. We had a big meal, and afterwards we were all gathered around just shooting the breeze and the subject of conversation moved to how they all used to torment black people back in the good ol’ days. N-words as far as the ear could hear, and uproarious laughter filled the room. This was about the time I started spending all my time outside smoking. I couldn’t wait to GTFO of there…