This has happened to me a few times. One I remember was the game Alchemist, where I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies. Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me. I just don’t know what to do in these situations.
^Also is there a word for this? My girlfriend said I was “held game hostage” but I don’t see that used in my searches.^
I am the person that loves long and complex games. If I have an upper limit for those qualities I have not found it yet, because it must be higher than those of all the players I’ve met.
So, I can’t really answer your question, but I think I can tell you why the rest of the table was pissed off, and maybe that will help you in some way.
You like a certain type of game, but it’s somewhat outside the mainstream, so it’s difficult to find a full group for it and gather them all at the table at the same time. You get excited, you finally get to play the game you have been itching for. You’re really having fun. Your strategy starts paying off. And then you don’t get to see it to completion because one person gets up and leaves. It might be weeks or months before you get another chance. You got your hopes up and then got left hanging. That sucks.
A similar situation is if you talked somebody into a game who didn’t want to play at first and just end up doing you a favor. In my experience, 9 times out of 10 they’re not going to have a good time, and they’ll drag the rest of the table down with them.
But here’s the kicker: After some painful lessons I know those things now. So I don’t nag people about playing with me anymore. I ask once, and then a no is a no. And I don’t invite people who I know have a short attention span to play long games with me. And I sure as hell don’t schedule a game night on a weekday where everybody needs to work tomorrow.
The person putting together the table has a responsibility to curate games that fit the audience or vice versa. Everybody else attending has a responsibility to be transparent about their availability and preferences.
I wouldn’t call “I need to go home because it’s 11PM and I work tomorrow” a “short attention span”. The fact that you’re characterizing it as such is … problematic.
I’m not. You are making that connection.
The sentence right after that one applies better to OP.
Games usually say how long they take on the box. If it’s too long just decline. If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game. Which is even more rude than leaving if it gets too late.
If it goes over that usually in my experience it’s because people are fucking around and making it take longer than it should instead of focusing on the game
YMMV. In my experience 90% of game time estimates on the box are utter nonsense.
In my experience, game time estimates on boxes are similar to gas consumption of a car given by the manufacturer. Multiply by at least 1.5.
Also double that number if anyone is learning the game. Then if the box lists a per player time of 90 minutes or higher add another half hour per player.
I say this as someone who’s a fan of big, complicated, hours long games; 90% of the time, the numbers listed on the box are a total fucking lie.
OK, to be more precise, they typically measure how long the designers - who know every rule, never deliberate over what action to take, always pass priority when they’re done, and never stop to grab a glass of water - think the game should take. And probably don’t include set up time.
Ask what game you’re going to play and read about the game? Learn the rules in advance?
Just slap your knee and say,” welp, it’s getting late”
Most German response ever.
I guess Germans and US Midwesterners have more in common than I thought!
There’s actually been quite a few waves of German immigration to the US throughout the years, they make up a pretty big part of US ancestry. There’s even been a myth that German almost became the national language in 1795 and only lost by a single vote in Congress, but it’s apparently just that, a myth. So it’s probably no wonder we share some cultural quirks like awkward goodbyes and a love for scheisse porn.
Can confirm, am German-American from Pennsylvania, where German is taught as an option in many public schools
If you look at ethnic ancestry maps, you’ll see there is a lot of German ancestry in the midwest.
Now that you mention it, that makes a lot of sense (part of my family is German ancestry). It had just never occurred to me that this particular social phenomenon was German-based because it’s such a common midwestern thing!
Ich glaube, um sich dafür zu qualifizieren müsste die Aussage auch auf deutsch sein.
Oh damn, alright Neuromancer, we’ll see you next time!
I would have needed the answer to this question back when my friends invited me to play twilight empire.
We started at 10 am and finished at 11 pm ffs.
Games like that are why I own a board game table. We know we only have 2-3 hours a night, but if we want to play a long long game, it gets packed up underneath the topper. We used to be the ones with a hard stop time, I’m grateful our friends stuck with us through it.
These days I’ll sometimes take a few days to play a game of ticket to ride, in one hour spurts.
Learning a board game if no one’s played it before can easily takes an hour and sometimes more in addition to the suggested play time, to figure out the set up and fully read and understand the rules.
I don’t know what kind of friends would be upset at you being tired. The only time I might be annoyed is if you continually overcommit (ask to play a game you know takes all night then leave early).
I suggest you tell your friends whenabouts you need to leave, at the start and/or the middle of your hangout so they can set their expectations accordingly.
If the Alchemist game you think you would enjoy if you just weren’t confused by the gameplay, have someone walk you through it, looking at your hand/pieces and tell you what to play and why for a round. I think part of the issue is that you need to communicate early and clearly so that you don’t have to suffer in silence. A board game hangout shouldn’t be something you dread; if it is then do something else. If it’s that the game just isn’t sparking your interest, 5-10 minutes into the rules you can stop and tell them that this doesn’t feel interesting.
I’d start asking questions about what kind of games I’m invited to. Ask more questions about what you are getting yourself into, before committing.
Not sure I have an answer, but my group has an understanding that we’re all adults, and if someone needs to leave early or whatever, that’s totally cool. I have one friend that I don’t think has ever actually finished a game of MtG Commander lol.
Open and honest communication. Just say that you’re not interested in the game.
If the host gets passive-aggressive you could try to talk civilised about that. In case they don’t show the necessary understanding or are difficult to talk to, they might be not be the kind of acquaintance you would like to keep.
To clarify, say that BEFORE starting the game. If we’re 3 hours into a 4 hour game and you bail because you’re not interested, depending on how it affects the game lots of people would get pretty pissy.
Had the exact opposite happen once — playing Risk with a group of friends, one guy ends up completely dominating the board. Almost everyone is out, just him and one other person left.
Everyone wants to either start a new game or go to a pub, but he still hasn’t won. We ask him several times if he’s accomplished his goal yet; he hasn’t.
He drags the game out by an additional 3 hours, and finally wins. Turns out he had won some 4 hours earlier, and “forgot” or “misunderstood” his objective. In reality, assholes just wanted to try to take over the whole world, and thought we wouldn’t insist on seeing the objective card afterwards.
We banned him from participating in any and all games. For life. This was some 25 years ago. I haven’t seen him for 10+ years, but to the best of my knowledge, nobody from that particular friend group (around 12 people) ever let him participate in any games again.
I’m thinking it would be helpful to explicitly state your boundaries before even agreeing to play the game. Something like this:
“There are some board games i like and some i don’t. I’d be glad to give it a try if you’re ok with me deciding I don’t like it after 10 minutes and dropping out. Also i don’t enjoy playing board games that take longer than an hour to finish, so I’d be happy to play as long as you’re cool with me dropping out of the game if it goes on longer than an hour.”
If you explain clear boundaries to them before starting play then they know what to expect when those boundaries are reached
Yeah monopoly sucks
That’s the point. Natural end stage of capitalism sucks.
Don’t forget to tip your landed lord during your next monthly tribute!
I just sat there confused as hell for 4 and a half hours while three guys were all talking about strategies
That’s partly on you. If you don’t understand the game, you should probably be speaking up and asking for help to understand it. I’m a seasoned player who wins more often than not, and I will still ask other players about why certain mechanics are the way they are, or if something doesn’t seem to make sense. If nobody’s willing to pause things for 5 minutes to help you understand, they’re a shit group and you should stop playing with them. On the other hand, if they’re trying their best to make you understand, then either:
- They’re all shit teachers (this is entirely possible, btw) and you need to find out what games will be played beforehand and do your homework before game night
- Accept that certain game difficulties are way above your head and stick to easier games. This level might change as you play more and absorb game mechanics and strategies.
–
Tonight it was Terraforming Mars, where I was told it would be a 3 hour game, but by hour 4 we were halfway done. This time I said “it’s 11pm, I have work in the morning, this will be my last hand” and the host got very passive aggressive with me.
Nothing wrong with that. Ideally you’d want to say that before the game, but I wouldn’t blame anybody for going into a game with 3 hours and thinking that was enough time. On a side note, Terraforming Mars is one of those games where it doesn’t really matter if a player leaves halfway through, anyway, so they were just being a jerk.
–
you are invited to play a game, only to find it’s wildly complex and takes 4 hours to finish, and you find yourself not wanting to play it within minute 5?
As for your original question: Start asking how complex a game is beforehand, and how long it takes. Simple. You may need to adjust the answers you get according to the person replying you, or check out game ratings on BGG.
This is why I always do research on the game before playing it. Optimally, I’ll download and read the rulebook, but “let’s play” videos work in a pinch. (Or if the rulebook is a bit obtuse.)
Of course, if you don’t know what you’re playing beforehand, then it’s up to the host(s) to teach you, and it all depends upon how good they are at teaching (and how good you are at paying attention). These situations are obviously much more dodgy, so I try to at least peruse the rulebook a bit and keep it nearby during the game so that I can look up rules during other players’ turns.
Finally, it does get easier. It does take time and energy to learn these more complex games, but the payoff is more interesting and satisfying game experiences. Every time you play, you learn a little more. Of course, if you aren’t getting any enjoyment out of it at all, you might want to stick with lighter games.
If you communicate a hard stop time and this happens when you say you have to leave it might be time to start declining invitations. If you didn’t communicate a hard stop time and they communicated a much short play time than reality it sounds like you’re both a bit at fault and you two should talk about it.
Oh no, another game of monopoly?!
Monopoly doesn’t take that long, unless you change the rules specifically to prolong it.
The last game of monopoly I played was very much by the rules, and took 4 hours where the winner was statistically certain after 30 minutes.
Funnily enough, that was actually the goal
Monopoly has rules?
Yeah, written in a little booklet and everything. You don’t have to pass it down as an oral tradition from generation to generation!
There’s certainly something to be said for playing Monopoly on a might makes right basis
