generally people would like to be appreciated or lusted after for their whole self, not any specific attribute, because this kind of behavior can be objectifying.
I get that. I think it’s always a bit unrealistic, when it comes to the building blocks of attraction, which I think are more often than not initially superficial. I appreciate your answering my question.
I’d describe it by explaining that it’s unhealthy to have a partner that doesn’t like who you want to be. A pre-op trans man is a man. Treating them like a woman during sex would likely make them feel dysphoric. Having a partner that they know wouldn’t be attracted to them if they actually transitioned would just suck. If you identify as a straight man, it would be invalidating of the trans man’s identity to fuck them anyways because you see them as a hot woman.
On the “chubby chaser” bit, think of it like this. I love fat girls, tummy soft 🥺 however, my girlfriend could lose weight if she wanted to. If she would feel more confident with 100 less pounds, that’s okay because it’s her body and I want her to be happy with her own appearance. If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
Yes, on the grounds that it would be shitty to intentionally make someone feel bad. However, if after the woman lost weight you felt less physical attraction to her, I would understand. And then it’d be up to you to conclude at the point the importance to you, and if it’s fair to either of you to continue the relationship. Surely there’d be some moral debate if ending a relationship on those grounds is “right”, but that’s really not for anyone else to decide.
Well I’m not saying leaving someone for preferences is bad. It happens. But to enter into a relationship knowing that your preferences wouldn’t work with your partner, that’s shitty.
This becomes ultra-clear when it comes to transgender people who are transitioning in any way. Changes are happening. If you would object to those changes, which you have no right to, entering this relationship is wrong. Someone who does so is likely to use abusive tactics (manipulation, persuasion, leverage) in order to get their way and choose aspects of your transition (even medical, surgical) for you.
I think if an attraction leads to the objectification of your “type”, it’s problematic regardless of what that type is. If you just have a preference and you handle your interactions with people with the necessary respect everyone deserves, I can’t see a problem with it.
This makes sense to me. It’s okay for superficial features to be an initial factor of attraction, but as soon as it becomes the focal driving force despite the finer qualities of the individual, it’s problematic. Well, unless the person of focus is okay and into that dynamic, I suppose.
You may be naive. Chaser behavior is often only a surface-level symptom of a deeper abusive system. A chaser will usually then reveal dehumanizing beliefs about their partner (victim) before the relationship turns into a more easily identifiable form of domestic abuse.
A healthy person or couple can have a type, or even a body-type fetish.
I can understand the fetishizing part, because it suggests objectification. But could the latter part just be a culmination of attraction and preferences?
More often “cis person primarily trying to get with trans people” is about power, from what I hear. Trans people are disproportionately in positions where they can be easily exploited or abused, e.g. outing someone can be used as blackmail, an abuser could withhold HRT or trash clothes, trans people might not have learned how to date safely as their gender, many trans people are broke and in poor mental health and could easily become reliant on someone, things like that. On top of this, trans people are also often particularly desperate for approval from cis people, because of the extent to which we’re regularly othered by most of society. This creates the idea in a lot of cis men that if they’re unsuccessful with cis women (generally because they’re creeps), that trans women are “easy”. This often mixes with the whole trans fetishization thing, too.
There are of course a number of other reasons why cis people might find themselves primarily dating trans people, too. Another common and very depressing reason is that the cis person perhaps isn’t actually cis, and really just wants to live vicariously through sy partner’s transition, and maybe “borrowing” a few things from thon, as well. There was a Reddit thread I once read with a full typology of different types of trans chasers, but I can’t find it now. There are men and women chasers, straight and gay chasers, you get the picture.
What’s a “chaser”?
A cishet person who is attracted mostly or exclusively to trans people. Like a chubby chaser.
I don’t understand. What’s wrong with being attracted to people of a certain body type?
generally people would like to be appreciated or lusted after for their whole self, not any specific attribute, because this kind of behavior can be objectifying.
I get that. I think it’s always a bit unrealistic, when it comes to the building blocks of attraction, which I think are more often than not initially superficial. I appreciate your answering my question.
I’d describe it by explaining that it’s unhealthy to have a partner that doesn’t like who you want to be. A pre-op trans man is a man. Treating them like a woman during sex would likely make them feel dysphoric. Having a partner that they know wouldn’t be attracted to them if they actually transitioned would just suck. If you identify as a straight man, it would be invalidating of the trans man’s identity to fuck them anyways because you see them as a hot woman.
On the “chubby chaser” bit, think of it like this. I love fat girls, tummy soft 🥺 however, my girlfriend could lose weight if she wanted to. If she would feel more confident with 100 less pounds, that’s okay because it’s her body and I want her to be happy with her own appearance. If I got with a fat girl who wanted to lose weight and I made her feel bad about it because “then you won’t be hot anymore” that would be kinda shitty right?
Yes, on the grounds that it would be shitty to intentionally make someone feel bad. However, if after the woman lost weight you felt less physical attraction to her, I would understand. And then it’d be up to you to conclude at the point the importance to you, and if it’s fair to either of you to continue the relationship. Surely there’d be some moral debate if ending a relationship on those grounds is “right”, but that’s really not for anyone else to decide.
Well I’m not saying leaving someone for preferences is bad. It happens. But to enter into a relationship knowing that your preferences wouldn’t work with your partner, that’s shitty.
This becomes ultra-clear when it comes to transgender people who are transitioning in any way. Changes are happening. If you would object to those changes, which you have no right to, entering this relationship is wrong. Someone who does so is likely to use abusive tactics (manipulation, persuasion, leverage) in order to get their way and choose aspects of your transition (even medical, surgical) for you.
How can you always know? People are complex.
I would agree with you if relationships (or even sex) were initiated entirely on prurient grounds, but they’re not
Fair point. I think that’s subjective and likely varies individual to individual. But in that light, I can’t argue with you.
I agree with you.
I think if an attraction leads to the objectification of your “type”, it’s problematic regardless of what that type is. If you just have a preference and you handle your interactions with people with the necessary respect everyone deserves, I can’t see a problem with it.
This makes sense to me. It’s okay for superficial features to be an initial factor of attraction, but as soon as it becomes the focal driving force despite the finer qualities of the individual, it’s problematic. Well, unless the person of focus is okay and into that dynamic, I suppose.
Regardless, it makes sense to me.
You may be naive. Chaser behavior is often only a surface-level symptom of a deeper abusive system. A chaser will usually then reveal dehumanizing beliefs about their partner (victim) before the relationship turns into a more easily identifiable form of domestic abuse.
A healthy person or couple can have a type, or even a body-type fetish.
Someone who fetishizes or primarily tries to date transgender people
I can understand the fetishizing part, because it suggests objectification. But could the latter part just be a culmination of attraction and preferences?
More often “cis person primarily trying to get with trans people” is about power, from what I hear. Trans people are disproportionately in positions where they can be easily exploited or abused, e.g. outing someone can be used as blackmail, an abuser could withhold HRT or trash clothes, trans people might not have learned how to date safely as their gender, many trans people are broke and in poor mental health and could easily become reliant on someone, things like that. On top of this, trans people are also often particularly desperate for approval from cis people, because of the extent to which we’re regularly othered by most of society. This creates the idea in a lot of cis men that if they’re unsuccessful with cis women (generally because they’re creeps), that trans women are “easy”. This often mixes with the whole trans fetishization thing, too.
There are of course a number of other reasons why cis people might find themselves primarily dating trans people, too. Another common and very depressing reason is that the cis person perhaps isn’t actually cis, and really just wants to live vicariously through sy partner’s transition, and maybe “borrowing” a few things from thon, as well. There was a Reddit thread I once read with a full typology of different types of trans chasers, but I can’t find it now. There are men and women chasers, straight and gay chasers, you get the picture.
It’s a term used by trans people for cis men who overly fetishise trans women, often with mysoginistic undertones