hooray for left overs from the freezer , I’m having chicken curry, rice with nuts and some chutney
This goblin is gonna curl up in bed. Too chilly for folk such as I.
🧌🛏️
Still COVID positive so still isolating at home, but not feeling too shabby so I have spent the morning absolutely smashing out some garden/outside house jobs in this fabulous weather, and am now going to reward myself by lounging on the terrace with a book.
You know when you eat so much you can’t get comfortable in bed for a while?
I feel like I’ll never eat again!
I woke up just after 6, forgot to go back to sleep and now it’s probably time to get up
I’m struggling to get out of bed. I think at its core, it boils down to: bed warm, not bed not warm
I woke up early and decided against it. Just woke up now and only because I was having a nightmare. I feel free of brain fog for the first time in weeks tho. Sometimes ‘bed warm’ is the answer
Bloody hell, is sunday nightmare day or something?
IKR was just reading the thread! Must be something in the stars
I keep having weird dreams at my current accom. Last night it was a very vivid one where I’d somehow had to move into a share house full of irritatingly self-absorbed and messy adults who were in their little northside cliques and weren’t keen on making space for me. It was so alienating and made me desperate to move back to my own place. I bolted awake thinking I needed to email my previous landlord asap and beg to go back to my own apartment. The relief I felt when I realised a few minutes later that I didn’t need to do any of that…
The day before it was about my brother betraying my location to my dad. Definitely a theme of despair and being trapped, and waking up to remember what freedoms I do have.
I think it’s the humidity. 90%+ every day indoors. It always brings up bad memories…
Yesterday was the only day on the island where we’ve had sun. Today it’s overcast again and this afternoon it’s back to more rain… slept in massively after two days of hiking (with a thoroughly unconditioned body), time to get outta bed and go walk to the nearest town for some coffee and to get some postcards.
How on earth do the trees in Japan look so naturally stylish over waterbodies though?!? Is it the tiered structure of the crown?
pretty even in the rain
My dreams last night were weird like that too. My house became some sort of domestic violence shelter and then 2 crazy guys with baseball bats came over because they wanted to kill me. They attacked an old lady who worked outside and then broke the door down and for some reason I tried to confront them which didn’t go well. Then I woke up. I actually had to turn on my light and do a double take and then had to calm down for about half an hour because the fear translated to real life and I thought the baseball bat people were actually in our house
Yesterday was the only day on the island where we’ve had sun.
I think Australia is a little bigger than an island, but ditto. It was a nice sunny day yesterday. Still chilly, but the sun was out
Just finished doing a dress alteration for the lady that runs our local caff at the end of the street. Was able to fix her issue with a bought dress that was too long to dance in, but needed the long train for the photos. Heh heh, button and loop to hook up the train worked again! Free coffee all next week for 5 mins work and a button from the stash! Sewing is close to being the ultimate trade goods.
I remember the day I learned to sew a button back on. I was so damn proud of myself. I even practiced on a spare tea towel first lol
It’s just as liberating as learning to replace a tap washer I reckon. Basic humaning skillset includes both. My dad used to reckon that there were 5 tasks that if you could do them, there was no situation for which you were completely unprepared. The older I get the more I think he just might have been right. Sewing on a button was one of the tasks.
don’t leave us hanging- what we’re the others?
My guess:
Sew, Basic home maintenance, Changing a tyre, Budgeting, Cooking.
Word vomit and mental health incoming, feel free to skip
My sister told me today that my ex seemed fake the way he acted towards me. I agreed with her. It sucks that none of it was real except the love that I felt for him. Also that he seems gay. Friends also said he seemed gay. That explains a lot and would make sense.
Even though I forgive myself for staying with someone who didn’t love me, I’ve had too many coffees today and lost my three day no crying streak. I logically know that the past has happened and it isn’t worth dwelling on it. I logically know that I’m better off without the relationship, but the heart side of me kinda collapsed today. That is okay. Healing is not linear. He’s definitely not sitting there crying over me, he’s probably forgotten me by now. I just feel like I have no direction in life right now and everything feels pointless and bleak. I’m scared and I don’t know if I’m going to make it through the rest of the year. But the fact that I have no direction or clue in life really means that there are opportunities out there that I can’t see yet.
That therapy appointment couldn’t come sooner. Just have to hold on for two more weeks.
Some better things:
- tomorrow I’m going to sign up for an 8 week fitness challenge to get me back into working out. I haven’t properly worked out consistently in about a year.
- if I pass my uni stuff, I will also buy myself a drum kit or a cheap electric guitar. Watch me say all this shit and be good for three weeks and then fail.
- I don’t care if these things plus therapy are going to eat into my savings at this point, because I need a lifeline. I should probably also do one thing at a time. I’m sick of my mental state stopping me from doing the things I want to do and ultimately being the person I want to be. I’ve felt stagnant for probably the past 10 years. I’m done with feeling that way, because if I keep feeling that way, it’s going to be extra hard to get through life.
Sorry for spilling all the negative emotions.
It’s awful you feel this way and I wouldn’t even know where to start.
If you’re considering drums, also look at electric kits. They sound and feel as good as the real thing now, and you can programming them with different sounds and practice with headphones.
Maybe even look at grooveboxes. For about $500 you can get a little device you can arrange a whole song on. They’re great if you have the time to tinker but don’t want to build up the muscle memory of an instrument
I’ve been looking into an electric kit for the sole purpose of practising with headphones.
Grooveboxes look cool and more portable. I’ll look into it more, thanks :)
Sounds like he was on his own journey. Maybe it was mutual stagnation that worked for you both.
In theory, if you invest in therapy, you’ll become more functional so be able to make more money to get those savings back up.
I don’t think life has to have a direction, and if it does why not many directions, why not many goals?
small goals, mmkay.
many many hugs 😘
You will get over him. Meanwhile, distract yourself by going somewhere a bit wild that you’ve never been before.
Thanks for the tip. Got any ideas?
Vietnam!!!
I understand how you feel. The last relationship I was in turned out to be a sham of sorts. It threw me into a spiral for a little while.
I guess for me, I refuse to let someone have that kind of control over my state of mind. Easier said than done, sure, it’s hard work but I think it’s a good perspective to have.
All you can do, is live the best life that you can, because you deserve that. Because you don’t need someone shitty ruining your vibe.
The guitar/drum idea is a good one. Making music can be really cathartic. Helps get the gunk out.
Good luck 🐱
The amount of drug affected people wandering the streets these days is alarming and it’s not just limited to one suburb.
Meth is very obvious, heroin is quiet.
You’re not wrong. I saw one guy randomly headbutting a pole yesterday.
If you’re on meth in many cases you’re either going to be in prison, in some kind of hospital (normal or psychiatric), or on the streets.
Unfortunately at the moment option 3 is becoming a much more prevalent outcome.
If these folks were harmless that would be one thing, but people on meth can become scary violent.
we have to have a society with hope, where people have real chances at making a life worth living, so when they are offered choices they can choose to not have meth
the way things are now is not good
That’s very well put. I got into that world because of child trauma, but having grown up in poverty, I saw no reason to try to have a normal life.
Most of you guys are too young to have lived through the angel dust (PCP) craze of the late 60s and 70s. That was some scary violence all right. Fortunately, angel dust out of fashion now. Meth, oddly enough, has a much milder effect. Scary, yes. But the violence level is a lot lower and the triggers a lot higher.
The problem with meth, apart from the psychosis inducing effects of the drug itself, is the propensity for staying awake for several days, which compounds the effect.
I remember hallucinations so vivid, I was literally hearing voices with my ears. That’s how messed up the brain can get. And the hallucinations weren’t positive, let’s put it that way.
The people you see on the street, have most likely been in a psych ward until they are stabilised with meds, and then thrown out back onto the street with no assistance.
It happened to me. They just get rid of you.
There’s a lot to be said for both psychiatric and addiction services in Australia.
As a former sufferer of really intense auditory hallucinations, I strongly relate to what you’ve said. I had long given up drugs but was still suffering from the voices for ages afterwards. It’s hard to get people to understand just how real they felt. And so spiteful, mean and negative. Also hard to get some people to understand that it’s strong enough motivation to never go back there and go through that horrifying shit again. The “once a junkie, always a junkie” crowd just don’t get it at all.
I completely understand. In the end I had to take a med to make it all go away because I was still getting faint whispers upto 18 months after quitting.
Mine weren’t too bad when I was sober. It was when I was fucked that they were nasty.
You couldn’t pay me enough to touch that shit again. Not for a million bucks.
As for what people think, I have two thoughts about that:
-
only people I trust a shitload know about my past
-
if anyone wants to treat me poorly because of my past actions, they can fuck themselves with a giant spikey cactus.
So few people ever get clean, and have a normal life. 95% of people that talk shit about addicts, were they to be addicted themselves, would not get clean. That’s a statistical fact.
So fuck em. They don’t know the strength it takes to escape the hell of using. And in all likelihood, they wouldn’t be able to.
Let them enjoy their high horse. I know who I am, and what I’ve achieved. No one can take that away from me.
-
you know it’s cold when the morning birds aren’t chirping
I’m in a cunt of a mood and I’m about to insult one or more people. Who the fuck orders a salad from a pizza shop?
I can’t do anything , I’m on minimum chores so I choose to look after the cats. Dinner for me will be stuff from the fridge, maybe a toasty.
I would be happy if someone got a good simple salad.
You can’t make friends with salad.
I don’t want to be friends with a salad.
(I get it’s a Simpsons reference)
One of my local pizza shops used to be run by the old Italians and they did a bitchin’ salad, with bloody beautiful dressing. But that’s certainly not the norm is it.
I was thinking more if you were to peruse a menu from a takeaway pizza shop and decide “I’ll get a garden salad with my pizza”. Even worse “I’ll just get the salad”.
I would go to bed now if I thought I could sleep through the night 😴😴😴 bed and audiobook seems so cosy
I’m considering it. Bed is so comfy and I have my kindle fixed, and loaded with books to read.
Friends visiting is always awesome because of how far away I live. Enjoy your day everyone ☀️
WHYYYYY am I awake?!
I know why I’m awake.
I wasn’t awake until I had a bad dream :/
hugs
The kids have discovered my old Transformers, which have been at my parent’s house for the last 40 years.
.It’s like watching Woody and Buzz being played with by the next generation. Seeing my old friends playing with my kids.
Good toys are for generations. 💖
( I know this is kinda unpopular, but I like the Transformers movies.
They are well made, look great, have good actors, and the stories are meaningful. True, they are kids movies but being kids movies doesn’t make them lame. )
That’s really sweet. They were my favourite toys as a kid as well.
It was Transformers and Lego. My Lego collection (which is tiny compared to theirs) was absorbed into their Lego years ago.
