I’m meeting my grandfather for lunch on Friday. It’ll be the first time I’ve seen him in several years. He went all the way down the hate hole. Never heard him cuss but last time we talked he was using the N word.
He’ll be 87 soon. Most likely, I’ll never see him again. He’s going to find out we’re moving out of the south to yankee land.
Fuck it. He’s not the man I knew. He doesn’t have the wisdom I thought he did.
I hate it and it fucks me up. I’ve lost my people to hate and stupid. So fucking stupid. They all want to suck some orange cock. Fucking really? That’s your fucking Messiah? They didn’t actually fucking read the fucking book they claimed they believed in while shoving bullshit down my throat and the throats of any child they could get ahold of.
Fuck em. They could wake the fuck up if they choose to. They could read. They could think. I tried to tell them.
I’m real sad about it. Not a fucking thing I can do about it. They can live inside their lie holes.
Blackberry Winter has skipped two years. There are armadillos, geckos, and fire ants now. Those critters didn’t live here until things changed. The fucking woods smell and sound different now. They could wake the fuck up and quit listening to fox or their preacher but they choose not to.
I tried to tell them and they didn’t listen because they choose to be ignorant.
fuck em
This will be hard to put into words. I figure it’s a result of climate change/global warming.
There was an eartheir note in the smell when I was a kid. Now I smell more clay and piss, I think the piss smell is from the insects changing. I smell less oak and a lot more privet. Less walnut and pecan sharp smells. Lots of a green smell that I only used to know in high spring. Fungus and wood rot way more often. Something like cut grass even in February.
There was a constant whine and buzz. It was a background noise and is mostly gone. There was always knocking in the trees and it happens way less. The ground had a buzz and shuffle that is way less, even though big beetles move through.
There are new whinings, there’s a deeper buzz.
It’s all subjective, it’s different, things have changed.
I’m trying to put words to this, but it’s like trying to talk about the way water feels.