That I have moderately severe to severely severe ADHD and I’m on the autism spectrum.
Makes functioning as an adult quite difficult.
Knowing has helped me a bit, like “ok, I’m not a bad human, my brain is just weird”
If I had known when I was rather younger, I probably could have done much better in school, and would likely have been a bit more successful–in many ways–than I have been.
I did great in school. Maybe I would have accomplished more after school. Good diagnosed in my mid 30s.
I did great in art school, because everything was working with my hands, and still required a high degree of thought/creativity. I did terribly when I was in school for engineering (prior to art school) because I just couldn’t focus on calculus and physics, even though it shouldn’t have been that difficult.
To just invest in broad index funds instead of trying to play the stock market.
So what you’re saying is I should HOLD my Bored Ape NFTs?
/jk, broad stock & bond index funds are the way to go.
No no no, they’re saying buy more NTFs! They just need to be different apes so you can have a broad index of them!
:P
I did both. Mostly ETFs, then some companies I liked. I’m up 100% over seven or so years, but I do admit I got lucky on companies I liked. All EFTs are up a bunch, the safest way to go!
Hello fellow boglehead. Im happy i learned this at a young age, a long time ago.
Take it sleazy. Not for everyone, but for some people the most productive way of getting stuff done is doing it with less effort. Don’t go too fast and burn out
Double entry bookkeeping.
Who was committing fraud?
My family is never going to return the favor. Should’ve gone to school instead of taking care of them.
“Family first” is such a contemptible load of crap. Primarily this idea only seems to be brought out by the same exact people that then abuse the notion.
“Family first” is unidirectional. Parents put their kids first. That’s the job. I signed up for it, and I’m going to prioritize then as much as I can.
That’s a bit different, and as it should be, but then it’s likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.
“Family first” in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.
I’m an ideal world, the phrase wouldn’t exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I’ve instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.
And I’m forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents’ egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.
Family is a sorting category word though, so while there’s truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it’s deserved or not. It’s frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who’ve continually taken advantage of their kin.
Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from “parents must care for their child” by social and biological need. I don’t owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.
People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn’t immediately imply the child owes the parent for “bringing them into this world”, and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.
Thanks for sharing your story and view. On a side note, your language is superb. Do you write as career / hobby?
Heh, thanks! No but my girlfriend hates that I don’t. I grew up reading books that my other (not crappy) older brother did and his influence greatly impacted my interest in science and language.
One brother is a psychopath, the other is literally the type of scientist that is changing the world. I’ve considered trying at writing some once I finish cleaning up my life from the people I’ve had to excise.
For what it’s worth, I just have spent my life having to constantly revise how I communicate and sometimes it helps. Usually it just annoys people if they aren’t really interested.
It is a joy to accurately communicate with people who care you. It is also a joy to annoy others who don’t.
Please write. Please write.
Go to therapy.
And don’t be ashamed about it. Don’t advertise it, but also don’t hide it. It’s 2024 and we’re allowed to ask for help.
Therapy is maintenance (at the very least). If you haven’t ever been to therapy, you’re driving around without an oil change.
Empathy, Hurt people hurt people.
I met a lot of people with traumatic histories, and were very insecure. They are utterly exhausting to be around. Constant nitpicking, valid criticism with brutal delivery. Make excuses to undermine others accomplishments.
They are not bad people, or have malicious intentions, but can only be described as utterly exhausting. You are always on edge.
The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.
Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.
Definitely agree with this one
The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn’t matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I’m a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that “what will people think?” has been my mantra, now it’s “fuck 'em”
Hey, I’m you and you’re me! I also just turned 40 in late September. Happy belated birthday, ya old fart!
"at 20, you care the world what everyone thinks of you
At 40 you learn to not care what anyone thinks of you
At 60, you realize nobody has been thinking about you at all, the whole time."
If you quit worrying what people think of you, you’ll realize how seldom they do.
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
Lying can get you ahead in the immediate, but then you’re a liar, and liars lose friends and alienate people.
Really depends on the lies. Lies that get you ahead on life are typically not the same ones that tend to snger those you care about.
opposite for me. Sometimes it’s better to lie about small details as to not bag down an unrelated conversation with “well actually it was my sister’s boyfriend’s mother’s dogs uncle that told me that, not my sister’s boyfriend’s dogs aunt.”
I also have autism and struggle with conversations so that’s probs why.The danger to me is its sorta impossible to lie without in some way believing it. The Costanza thing. It basically reduces your own ability to discern reality.
“Fake it till you make it” doesn’t mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn’t happy in, a career I wasn’t happy in, and hobbies I wasn’t happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.
Yeah, fake it till you make it only applies to overcoming self doubt, and should not be used to dismiss glaring problems. It certaibly doesn’t work as a cure all for actual problems.
It can in rare cases work for happiness, but only if the reason is one that is just based on self doubt while things are actually going well.
Yeah, it’s about projecting confidence when you want something and you’re intimidated by it.
How to make latte art. First success today at the age of forty!
Nice! Best I can do is still just a heart. How are you learning / getting better at it?
I work with a latte savant and just watching him is a lesson.
I was today years old (20) when I realized to not rely on anyone for anything. You’re on your own in this small little world.
My friend, I hate to tell you, but that’s just not true. We are incredibly at the whims of everyone else to even get too and from work or school each day. We only have running water, electricity, food in the fridge, etc., because we all depend on each other.
Don’t mistake being independant with being self-sufficent. Don’t mistake requiring the support of others for requiring the support of any one, specific person. Every single one of us is dependant on many of us, but none of us should plan on being dependant on any one specific person for our entire life. And that’s okay. This is how society functions, and life is a lot better for it.
Though I am sorry for whatever happened today to leave you feeling that jaded. Some individuals really just aren’t worth it. It sucks when we think they are, and find out the hard way.
Brushing teeth regularly, and flossing , is more important than I ever realized.
Man good dental hygiene is one of those things you just do not think about until you’re older. Flossing, interdental, mouth wash (before brushing), regularly visiting the hygienist and dentist. Your teeth evolved to last 35-ish years, the rest only happens from hygiene.
Mouthwash before brushing? Because you don’t rinse out the toothpaste?
Yes 100% that. I’ve never met a dentist who didn’t immediately tell me this on hearing I used mouthwash; do not do it after brushing.
Well, that totally makes sense, thanks. I’ve been doing it the other way around for some reason
I’m dreading the day my bad mouth hygiene will catch up to me… I know how bad it is but I still can’t get myself to brush every night.
Have you tried putting your toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower? I’ve struggled with brushing my whole life and this is the only thing I’ve ever tried that actually worked. I also put a brush and paste at every sink but the only time I can ever actually manage to brush is in the shower.
Brush whilst the water is heating up means you’re doing your bit to help the environment! And other such half truths I tell myself to get through the day.
If you’re like me, then some time in your thirties. I didn’t brush from early teens through until then - I had several abcesses and needed seven teeth removed, including my top fronts. Turns out I had undiagnosed autism, depression and low self image. Now I do brush, and it’s just a case of forcing myself to adapt to a routine. Even keeping some flouride mouthwash handy for a quick swill every now and then helps a bit. Hope you find your way.
I was like you, the transition was not easy, but what helped me was to brush my teeth when I already went to the bathroom to pee. This meant that I rarely brush my teeth at the same time. But I do it every night now. This also helped me reduce my snacking after 20:00. Because I didn’t want to snack after brushing my teeth. I convinced myself I was going to do this and ever since I only missed 2 nights. What also helped is using a tracking app where I could check it to “gameify” it.
It gets mighty expensive.
That it doesn’t matter what other people think of me as long as I’m happy.
It doesn’t matter what other people think, full stop. The world is full of people who think they know better. ignore them.
I think there’s a balance. if you really don’t care anymore, you’ll become a bad person that nobody wants around
