What as a English man should I look out for on a trip to the USA.
when you stub your toe you get heroin
Buy a gun on day one. Just go to almost any gun show and bam, no paperwork. You’ll need a gun because there is this nationwide gang, they are crazy organized, drive the same cars, all rep the color blue and collectively hate immigrants, not you, the poor ones. Anyway I believe they go by “police officer” or “cops” i prefer little piggy but that dont, steer clear at all costs, but if you have to, take out your ghetto blaster and pump em full of lead.
You’ll die a hero and recognized for decades to come, or the cops will bury you in a shallow grave somewhere in Mississippi and act like you were kidnapped, no in between, good luck soilder
It would appear i upset some of you with my totally serious comment, have you considered buying a gun and coming after me? That’s your right when in murica
Never take the ambulance. They will suck your money and your soul.
Don’t forget your gun. America is extremely dangerous but only if you’re unarmed. All the criminals and cops can smell if you have a gun and they’ll be too afraid to do anything to you if you have one.
Also you can’t trust our water, so it’s purely Soda and Budweiser while you’re here. Locals might tell you to eat at local restaurants but their stomachs are habituated. You’ll need to stick to McDonald’s. Luckily there is one on every single corner.
If you get injured you should avoid using an ambulance as they will take you directly to a hospital. In the US that’s just where we go to die. You need to drive yourself to an Urgent Care doctor. If you can’t drive yourself and have to use an ambulance then there is a complimentary memorial wreath that can be sent to your family. Along with the invoice for your death care of course.
The US is smaller than it appears on maps. This is because most maps are not American centric and have to expand the US to show the ratio properly. You might have budgeted multiple days to travel between the coasts but you really can just do New York one day and the Grand Canyon the next day.
Did I miss anything? Oh yeah it’s traditional to make a bomb joke with the customs agent as you come into the country. Especially if you can manage a middle eastern accent. All of us do it. It’s a grand joke.
Did I miss anything?
Cops are usually chill and laid back, but they get tired of the monotony of their job sometimes and appreciate the use of erratic, unpredictable movement when interacting with them. They also like someone who is proactive, so instead of waiting for them to ask you for your licence and registration, just jump right out of your car as soon as they step out of theirs and pull your wallet out of your pocket as quickly as you can for them. You’ll never have an issue with the cops again after this.
🤣🤣🤣
I’m told the temperature is different here.
I recommend travel health insurance. It’s affordable and a good piece of mind considering their healthcare can be extremely expensive.
Remember not to be black.
Or brown
The Queen is still alive and we have her. Just don’t tell anyone, okay?
Be sure to tell them their life would’ve been much better today if they remained a colony
They’re driving on the right side.
Good reminder, he should teach them how to drive on the left. Lead by example.
Good luck not getting shot mate.
I’ll try my best
Just avoid schools
Bring a printed copy of your ESTA / visa for immigration. Get some kind of travel insurance that covers health emergencies, and have proof of that printed as well.
This could vary depending on the situation, but as someone who works in healthcare in the US (pray for me), it doesn’t really matter if you’ve got proof of traveler’s insurance, unless I’m able to bill them directly and get a paid claim for it. In every case I’ve dealt with traveler’s insurance (admittedly not a ton, but these things are usually handled similarly across the industry), I’ve been instructed by the insuring company to bill the patient/ client, and that the client will be submitting a claim.
If it’s something relatively inexpensive like medication, you’ll probably be charged at the pharmacy, pay out of pocket and get reimbursed.
If, God forbid, you need to stay at a hospital, or dare to mention the word “ambulance”, you’ll be given a bill for $1 million, which you’ll forward to the insurance company. They’ll handle paying the hospital, then follow up with you on any kind of copay you’re meant to be left with.
My condolences
Hello fellow Brit.
Everything is bigger. That’s an obvious statement, but the knock on effect is that nobody seems to have a sense of “nearby”. I frequently went out running on the pavement around two or three blocks, and people either looked at me as if I was possessed, or honked their horns like a “run Forrest run!” type thing because there was literally nobody else out putting miles on tarmac.
Retail parks are a cracking example. I was out with a friend who knew the area well, and we wanted to go from one store at one end of the retail park to the other. I was happy to walk the three or four hundred metres and back, but they were positively horrified at the thought of not taking the car to another parking spot there.
Speaking of driving - know your rules. Four way intersections are a cool invention.
Roundaboutstraffic circles are fucking wild going in from the right.See those 300, 200, 100yd marker boards on A-roads and motorways allowing you to figure out what lane you need to be in to take your slip road? Purely optional in the US. Be ready for people in lane three (or four, or five, or six) to see their exit and cut straight across. Blind spot checking is for nerds and communists.
Things have changed lately, but go out with two or three changes of clothes, and that’s it. The clothes in the US are generally much cooler and much cheaper, it’s a good excuse to get new gear. Depending on where you’re going though, it’s hard work getting particular stuff - asking for Under Armour’s heatgear stuff if you go running in winter will get you some real fuckin’ weird looks in Florida, where even the vests are sometimes hotter than a duffle coat.
The border: know your shit - where you’re going, how much you got, who you’re with. The border force agents (whatever their unit is called) are generally super cool, but they ask super intrusive questions. That Marks and Spencer ham baguette you got in Gatwick/Edinburgh/Manchester? Eat it quick, because it isn’t going through customs.
Not sure how long you’re going for, but get a Post Office multi-currency card, or a credit card that specialises in the US Dollar or low international currency fees. While you’re at it, feel free to wow them with contactless payments. Last time I went to CVS, I had tapped the card before the cashier had finished his spiel about swiping the card, and refused to believe I’d actually paid for a few seconds. It’s like a magic trick with none of the effort.
Overt generosity is mostly viewed suspiciously. I left the DC metro system at a gate, and tried to hand off my all-day travel card for someone else to use for the day, and was looked at like I’d shit on their station concourse and drew a Greek flag in it. It’s not like the tube.
Tylenol: get shitloads. It’s basically paracetemol wrapped in bubblegum. Outstanding for hangovers.
Enjoy it! The Americans are friendly enough even if the majority of them make some pretty wack political choices, but that’s another discussion. They’re generally sound as fuck, and find the British accent something of a novelty, so feel free to use it as a get out of jail card if you make a social faux pas. (edit: I don’t mean literally, I haven’t tried it on police officers)
Have fun, let us know how you get on!
I can confirm the suspicion of strangers handing you something. We don’t trust something for nothing.
There are entire YouTube channels about walking up to Americans and trying to give them a $100 bill. Most won’t take it.
Nah that’s fair enough, I get it. It’s a reasonably common thing in the UK - either the person who takes it is a local rogue who’ll flog the travelcard for a quid, or it’ll be used by someone away out on the piss for the night.
I just found it odd is all. Like, if you take it and it works, happy days - you’ve saved yourself a bit of cash. If the ticket gate spits it back at you, then oh well, back to plan A.
It’s cool to hear your take on it though, thank you.
We Americans are very paranoid about things we think are “too good to be true” (don’t know if that’s a phrase everywhere). This may be looking too deep into things, but I honestly think our country’s history of taking advantage of less informed peoples has influenced this - we know what happens when you take the bait, so it’s best to just accept the norm (ie paying your own metro fare) vs risk finding out what happens if they come back looking for what they “gave” you.
I actually sat and thought on this for a second. If someone walked up to me and tried to give me a $100 bill, I’d probably ask a few questions first, mainly, “what do you want?” If they seem genuine in that they just felt like being nice to someone (or even if I got the “social experiment” vibes), I’d probably take it, and ask if I could buy them something small with it (like, if this were outside the grocery store, ask if they wanted some snacks or a drink or something).
I think if I were in a group setting, someone approaching the group trying to give us a $100 bill would probably would be quickly closed out of the circle, and everyone would get quiet and look away until they left, at which point everyone would talk about that weird guy trying to sell us something.
The clothes thing is interesting to me as an American living in Europe. I feel like our clothes are shapeless blobs made in china for fast fashion exclusively, while the clothes in Europe and UK seem to be much better in cut and quality. They are certainly more expensive in UK and western Europe though!
Hey thanks for your insight.
Maybe in the UK we’re super used to fast fashion shite like Primark or Asda George. I mean, the designs are cool but the quality rivals that of the Looney Tunes ACME products.
Maybe you’re right though, maybe I’m looking at them through rose tinted specs. I rather like the Old Navy stuff or American Eagle. The material just seems to last a tad longer than the supermarket pish in the UK.
The border
Also be prepared have your photograph taken and to be ‘ten printed’. Which means fingerprints for all 10 digits will be taken. Usually right 4 fingers in one time then the thumb then repeated for the other hand.
You must have documentation showing your onward travel from the USA. Strongly recommend printing this out rather than relying on your phone. Wifi is usually crap at customs if it’s available at all.
Make sure you have an ESTA (or a full visa) sorted out before travel or you will not be able to board the plane.
One other tip. Get an e-sim from someone like Nomad or Airalo. Then you can use that for data. Getting a sim in America never seems to be as simple as it should be.
Oh man, I forgot the ESTA. A travel plan for your travel plan for your travel plan.
We’ll have the ETIAS to do soon as well. Won’t be long before the dude at the border in Gibraltar will be like “¿que tal bruv, where’s Travelling With Authority Treaty form?”.
Oh well. We did it to ourselves 🙁
edit: forgot to say, thanks for the addition.
Definitely worth calling your mobile provider beforehand - I think I had an add-on where I could pay £2 per day and use my contract allowance as usual. It worked nicely.
feel free to wow them with contactless payments
This is quite dated. Per Forbes, "Nearly 90% of U.S. consumers now use contactless payments, "
Tip at restaurants where they take your order at the table and bus your table, 15-20% of the total. Absolutely don’t tip at those kiosks at the counter. They’ll beg for a tip because software. You’re absolutely fine to hit skip or custom 0. Don’t normalize that shit.
Cheers for the added advice.
It was a bit over 18 months ago I was last in a CVS, but as has already been pointed out, the US is a huge place so there’s bound to be regional differences. Glad contactless payments (or is it tap-to-pay in the US?) has become the norm.
