I have a few.
One is abbreviation hell. Nobody is going to spend the time trying to decipher what you mean when you use over several abbreviations. It is just better if you’d explain than expecting people to understand aside from commonly used abbreviations that are easy to understand.
Another is overstepping your limits for the sake of getting a partner. Compromising your own standards is perhaps one of the worst things you can do when it comes to trying to find dates. Like you’re suddenly okay with dating single parents but you don’t like children. You’re suddenly okay with dating religious people but you’re not religious. Things like that. Because it means you’re desperate and you’re setting yourself up and setting them up for a bad date.
Side note: small talk plays important roles in socializing and is an important skill. Use it to steer the conversation to interesting topics.
No one’s going to be perfect. People are going to be nervous on a first date. Give them a chance.
Conversely, sticking with a relationship too long. Contrary to the above, sometimes you really should call it. If the guy isn’t treating you with respect, you don’t have to keep going. If you realize you never look forward to seeing them, you should probably end it.
Chatting too long before meeting. You’re not a real person to them when you’re just over text. You’re missing body language and tone. You want to meet in person quickly.
The general flow for me is like
If the online chat ends and you haven’t scheduled a date, but you want to, that’s bad. You don’t want to be having a second “hey what’s up?” tinder chat.
If this doesn’t come naturally to you , that’s fine. Just remember with your brain “always ask a question”. You need to give them something to work with.
And a last tonight that ended up stranded at the bottom of this post, and I’m writing on my phone so editing is hard:
“But what about people who want to take it slow?” Do you want to date someone who doesn’t want to date? I don’t.
I’ve thankfully been in a relationship for over a year. But when I was looking the dead ending the conversation was huge for me, I’d say a third of the matches did it. I used the 3 strikes rule, because sometimes people are busy and they just want to respond but don’t have time to continue the flow of the conversation. Which is fine.
I once has a girl follow up 2 weeks later asking why we didn’t go on a date? I told her that was the first question she asked me and I felt she wasn’t into the conversation.
Don’t be so desperate to get into a relationship that you try to carry the whole thing on your shoulders.
I do wonder sometimes what they’re thinking. Like, do they think the conversation is going well when I have to keep resuscitating it?
I’m told people have “different communication styles”, which is fine, but “not asking questions and giving really short answers” doesn’t seem like an effective style here. Like, if someone’s chatting you up at the bar and you’re not interested, then giving short answers can make a kind of sense. But in a dating app where you both showed interest? If you’re no longer interested just unmatch.