Office happy hours, client dinners and other after-hours work gatherings lose their luster as more people feel the pull of home
Patience for after-hours work socializing is wearing thin.
After an initial burst of postpandemic happy hours, rubber chicken dinners and mandatory office merriment, many employees are adopting a stricter 5:01-and-I’m-done attitude to their work schedules. More U.S. workers say they’re trying to draw thicker lines between work and the rest of life, and that often means clocking out and eschewing invites to socialize with co-workers. Corporate event planners say they’re already facing pushback for fall activities and any work-related functions that take place on weekends.
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I absolutely loathe expressions like “days off” and “personal time.” It just has a connotation that your life is by default your employer’s. That kind of subliminal messaging can get fucked.
In the same vein, ‘long weekend’ is another that can drop dead as well.
To the point where I’ve started calling a ‘normal’ weekend a ‘short weekend’.
I’ve started suspecting that a lot of people get through it by just avoiding their family… which, why get married then?
Peak boomer humor is “take my wife…please!” Cue laugh track.
Rent
Some, definitely. Others don’t have hobbies. Others don’t sleep much and try to pack everything in.
I’ve been considering adding massive amounts of amphetamines to my life so I can accomplish all I need to and do all I want to.
Companies when trying to get workers to bond: “We’re a family, we take care of each other!”
Companies when workers ask for cost-of-living increases: “No, not like that”
Also wages are shit compared to inflation. I don’t know how anyone can afford to eat out and have drinks unless they are killing it.
Wsj is owned by Murdoch. We aren’t supposed to find reasons for this phenomenon, just a “hey that’s weird, I wonder why ¯\_(ツ)_/¯”
It’s millennials fault for not buying stuff.
No, no. It’s millennial’s fault for not buying the right stuff.
Or for buying too much stuff. Or really, whatever problem is currently happening. It’s the Millenials fault somehow, we’ll just figure out how later.
In my case one of the bosses pays for the drinks. Makes it a lot easier.
Honestly we need to move back towards making friends in our communities and not our workplace. I don’t know how it happened but the way we’ve managed to only have friends from work while not knowing the name of our neighbor should never have been the norm. Of course this works out perfect for the nolifers who always get the promotions, and the bosses who need their asses kissed to function.
Because “3rd places” have been hollowed out, especially non monetized ones, there’s fewer places to just meet people
Yeah, it’s overwhelmingly clear that too many people who can make decisions have this idea that “not revenue generating” = worthless.
But muh passive incooooommmeeee
3rd places were always monetized.
Parks and community centers were valid non-monititzed 3rd places.
And whether or not you agree with them, places of worship were often an additional third place.
Parks and community spaces are presently non-monetized and usage has not changed, so it doesn’t really make sense to include them in this discussion.
Same with place of worship.
There are a lot of gated parks
We created a car-centric sprawled out world where you no longer engage with community members face to face, as much of your time outside of your house is simply walking to your car to drive to the nearest commercial center.
I’ve been talking with a friend about this after he pointed out the nuclear family really is fairly recent as a post WW2 thing. We’ve seen multigenerational households increase in the wake of the pandemic. Part of me thinks we’re going to see a movement back to that.
If people stay closer to home, that means friends from growing up are closer. They aren’t spread out across the whole country.
God I hate these events. My company took a stance where it gives every team $100 per head that expire at the end of every second quarter and life couldn’t be better. We’re a small team of 5 people so we just use the money to occasionally feast or buy every team member a PS5 in order and we couldn’t be happier that our HR isn’t forcing us to attend company events.
If you’re in position of power please promote something similar, your employees will thank you
This is my thing. I’m happy to schmooze when work is picking up the tab.
Even then I’m not a fan.
So instead of paying me OT to do things they want me to do after hours, they’ll pay the cost of a meal or a drink?
Nah.
Always hated this expectation.
Particularly outrageous scenario 20 years ago, I was just getting started and was basically a limited hour part time employee making a bit more than minimum wage, but the office culture was dominated by people well into six figure salary. So they would act all shocked when us lowly folks would tend to decline when they said everyone needed to go to a $100 a plate for an after-work dinner (of course the company wouldn’t pay for any of this, but who doesn’t have the spare money to piss away $100 for a plate of food with colleagues every couple of weeks?)
My work does a decent job of doing the event during working hours or at the very least starting within work hours. So a work event starts at 3PM, people can bail at 5PM or stay longer if they want.
ITT: I don’t want to ever socialize with my co-workers Also: How do you make friends as an adult?
Look I’m not a huge fan of forced socialization myself. I HATE small talk. I’m looking for the door before I have the first drink in my hand at “networking events”. But I also know one of the biggest opportunities I have to meet new people as an adult is at at work. So I choose the situation carefully to make sure it’s one I’m comfortable with and I give it a go. I’ve made a few lasting friends, people I play soccer with, people I invite over my house, people who my other friends got tight with, and over all growing my social group. A number of them don’t even work for the same company anymore, or in my immediate office at least.
I’m not saying to do anything you don’t want to do, and forced fun can suck, but if you DO want to meet people in life and make friends, don’t force-limit your opportunities to interact with new people. Pick, or even suggest!, the situation that works for you.
Unless you have a hobby where you interact with people outside of work, your co-workers are your friends that you make as an adult. Some people I’m good friends with started as co-workers because I got to know them, we move on in different directions and stay in touch.
You will only ever make friends from pooled social gatherings (whether hobby, online, etc.), the most common one available for adults with the least effort are other co-workers.
All of my close friends were coworkers at one point. A few were friends first but most were not. It helps that my jobs have always been tech related so there’s always something to talk about. Even if it’s just commiserating on tech debt lol.
I tried making friends when my coworkers when I started my job and learned I have very little in common with any of them. It’s not like I didn’t try. Now that I know we can’t be friends, I don’t want to spend any more time with them than I have to. Is that so hard to understand?
Nope, not hard to understand. But that’s a different context than people’s blanket, “No”.
I can very much relate to being in a work environment where I there was no one I’d choose to interact with outside of professional conversation or idle water-cooler talk; if even that!
I’ve also been lucky enough to be in other ones where I’ve made great friends that I’ve had over for game nights, taken road trips with, invited to my house, been to their wedding (and they mine), and gone to shows with.
All I’m suggesting is to be open to it.
I admit it’s hard for me to make friends, but I’m not going to force a friendship with people with whom I have very little in common aside from working in the same office.
My experience with work “friends” has always gone this way:
- I try to be friendly and approachable.
- People start asking you consistently for favors, help, and to stick up for them and their issues. I also find that the more they know about you, the easier it is to ask for shit (“hey I remember you said/are/live around/have X, so I was wondering if you could do Y for me”)
- Once that happens it’s impossible to shake them off without sounding like an asshole.
The only solution I see to this curse is to just avoid getting cornered in that situation. I avoid most socializing because of that.
Now add to this the fact I’m severely underpaid compared to the rest of the team (who do the same thing I do), that I got a promotion with no raise, and than my duties consistently increase, then it would be clear why I only do what’s needed for the job.
I don’t really even want to talk to my co-workers during work hours. It’s not that I dislike them, it’s just that I don’t care. I’m not interested in making friends, I am there to get paid. Just let me get my shit over with and let me go home. Thankfully, my work allows me to wear noise-cancelling earbuds the entire time I’m in the office unless someone can’t contact me over Slack for some reason.
I’m glad other people feel the same way. Sometimes i like the people i work with. But then they ask me after work if i want to go for a drink or whatever. No… why?
Hear, hear.
Mandatory office happy hours or team dinners should be paid time. If not, events should be held during work day hours.
NLRB would likely agree. If your employer compels you to be present, they need to pay you.
I am happy with my job. I am paid a fair wage for the work I do. I am given a ton of leeway with arriving late/leaving early to accommodate my kids and their various goings on. All in all, it’s a great arrangement.
I am still out the door at the very minute my shift ends. Not a second later.
Yep!
I also drive a little bit faster headed home lol
Towards the “mines”? Not so much.
Nobody likes forced fun.
The ladies in my office seem to really love this sorta shit.
16:53 rounds up to 17:00.
Me at 16:30: *le double clicking steam
Eh I don’t mind a schmooze.
More than once a month? No. Weekends? No. Mandatory? Hell no, but I think that a bit of camaraderie goes a long, long way when dealing with iffy clients or just generally.
I don’t think work is “family” but it should definitely be a team. That’s just good for everyone. Raising a pint every so often definitely helps that along.
I like my coworkers but work already doesn’t leave me enough time at home for projects and hobbies and relaxing. No way I am spending extra time away after work.
precisely this.
I get along well enough with my coworker, but even if I were the socialising type, he’s not the sort of person I’d typically hang out with. I’d much rather go home to my fiance, my cats, and my hobbies.
