I think seeing how fast many people turn into people they would not have liked when they were younger. It’s probably part of growing up but many people seem to not remember what they wanted to do better than their parents.
This is painful. My wife’s friend turned into her (wife’s) mother, the person who she previously claimed she most hated. In this individual’s case it’s that when she had kids she stopped caring about doing better.
For me it was the opposite. I remember one day, when i had only one very young child, that i sounded like my mother.
That was the incentive to turn it around. It was hard work and there was no internet yet to give me advice.
Also, when my kids were in their teens i found it very helpful when i read a brochure about triple p parenting. I could not join them for a course, but the tip that changed a lot was; complimenting my kids instead *for good behavior *of berating them when they did something that was not ‘good’.
The results were really good and i felt happier in the process, because it was much nicer to compliment my kids instead of hearing yourself being annoyed when they did something ‘bad’.
Praise vs criticism. So on balance more noticing and complimenting of the good they do, over criticizing their bad actions. Actually a lot more effective than criticism, in fact some schools purposefully ignore bad behaviour (within reason) while emphasizing praise for good behaviour.
My kids are quite young still but I’ve been using a philosophy of both carrot and stick with my threenager and toddler. Reward good behavior first, punish bad behavior when that doesn’t work
I can see how life has brought out deep compassion in me. But I imagine my younger self would hate me and think of me as a pushover who is not enjoying life, basically a loser who wasn’t radical enough.
I think seeing how fast many people turn into people they would not have liked when they were younger. It’s probably part of growing up but many people seem to not remember what they wanted to do better than their parents.
This is painful. My wife’s friend turned into her (wife’s) mother, the person who she previously claimed she most hated. In this individual’s case it’s that when she had kids she stopped caring about doing better.
For me it was the opposite. I remember one day, when i had only one very young child, that i sounded like my mother. That was the incentive to turn it around. It was hard work and there was no internet yet to give me advice.
Also, when my kids were in their teens i found it very helpful when i read a brochure about triple p parenting. I could not join them for a course, but the tip that changed a lot was; complimenting my kids instead *for good behavior *of berating them when they did something that was not ‘good’. The results were really good and i felt happier in the process, because it was much nicer to compliment my kids instead of hearing yourself being annoyed when they did something ‘bad’.
Edited to add a clarification, in italics
I’m not sure I get it, maybe because I’m not a native speaker. So you said something like ‘Great job buddy, that was very much not good!’?
Praise vs criticism. So on balance more noticing and complimenting of the good they do, over criticizing their bad actions. Actually a lot more effective than criticism, in fact some schools purposefully ignore bad behaviour (within reason) while emphasizing praise for good behaviour.
My kids are quite young still but I’ve been using a philosophy of both carrot and stick with my threenager and toddler. Reward good behavior first, punish bad behavior when that doesn’t work
I’ve noticed 99% of parents become so fucking boring to hangout with. They either stop coming out, or are tame versions of their past selves.
I can see how life has brought out deep compassion in me. But I imagine my younger self would hate me and think of me as a pushover who is not enjoying life, basically a loser who wasn’t radical enough.
“I didn’t sell out, son, I bought in. Keep that in mind.”
Welp, I am going to go watch SLC punk