Friendly reminder to be noncredible. Don’t actually attack other people for their religious beliefs. If you don’t have a funny take, and you’re just here to spread hate, maybe shut the fuck up instead 👍
now this is podracing!
green man
Amish are literally pacifist. Mormons aren’t. I’ve never even saw an Anabaptist who owns a gun, they slaughter animals old style, sharp knife.
I doubt assault rifles are acceptable technology for the Amish too.
I wouldn’t put it past the Mormon army to use nukes, but I doubt they need to, and the population density of Amish isn’t going to give us the megadeaths we want from nukes anyway
My money’s still on the Mormons in a conventional fight, especially as the Amish (as you said) are opposed to fighting anyway
The Mormons even have a nascent arms industry. A bunch of up and coming gun and silencer companies come out of Utah and Idaho.
Finally, the Mormon church has literally 100 billion dollars, impassable mountains with simple chokepoints, trained veterans with combat experience, and zero issues with using the latest technologies.
After the trade embargo, the mormans will run out of furniture. They’ll have no tables to eat from, no chairs to sit on, no beds to sleep on. After a month the mormans will be exhausted and starving and ready to topple over with a single flick.
Ready to topple over with a single flick, unlike a fine Amish bench. No cushions, please, there’s a war on!
You haven’t seen the deep stores of folding tables and chairs that they have in the cultural halls (aka gymnasiums) at their local wards and stake centers. They have ten high-quality steel folding chairs for every member that shows up each week.
Mormons lose big, and here’s why.
Those damn bright white shirts. Easy targets.
No way you can miss them, even on the smokiest battlefield.
The Amish blend into the background better.
The problem is, in order to actually hit a target, you need to shoot. Amish don’t shoot.
Now I wanna see a horse drawn buggy that goes BRRRRRRRTTT
Wtf that’s so cool
mobile firepower is the crab of improvised weapon platforms
everything evolves into technical
Making the Ukrainians proud.
The Mormons control all the salt because Utah. Salt is vitally important in off grid homesteading or something. They’ve already won.
the amish have a mafia. and reliable post apoc transport.
The mormons won’t know what hit them.
A deeply religious people who control all the salt? Triangle Strategy intensifies.
It’s one of the rare examples that’s almost the opposite of a population heat map.
If adirondacks could be weaponized, the Amish would already rule the world
Not entirely sure who would win, but from this map I can see they both clearly hate ocean water/coasts. Mormons seem to be slightly more accepting of it so maybe that gives them an advantage. Adaptation is key to success!
Amish in a sweep, their toughness outweighs mormon tech advantages and let’s not forget their Mennonite buddies.
Fuck can they run, once
Mormons would unleash their MLM army against the Amish and try to bankrupt them.
This is the most accurate and funniest take here! An army of wellness advocates will descend on the Amish and unleash a flood of irresistible essential oils
Oh, but the vanity!
Now, we don’t want to be vain, do we, Agnes?
Mormon for sure. They have the US air force
Armish, because of their fancy hats.
If the Amish can somehow detonate a large enough EMP, they’re in with a chance.
I had to look up the motivation for their beliefs, and now I know a touch more about the Amish.
It’s not about avoiding technology, it’s about avoiding undesired influences on their culture.
As such, I think that a non-violent (they’re a pacifist order) but entirely crippling tool to anyone with a dependence on technology would be perfectly acceptable.
Many orders accept batteries but not connection to the power grid. I have to believe that would extend to capacitor banks, particularly since capacitors predate when the Amish started to eschew technology and not just outsiders.
So it’s gonna be a race to get people into town to buy every super capacitor from every store they can get to, and then get them charging from the windmills.
The Mormons will easily show up before they finish, but with any luck the mutual “hey, hello! Welcome!” picnic and potluck, sharing of hot dishes, and general friendly meet and greet will go on long enough to charge the device and render modern technology obsolete for thousands of miles around them.
The Mormons have a culture of anthropological scholarship, a byproduct of their missionary programme and (to a lesser extent) of disproportionately many Mormons working as intelligence analysts. As such, it’s not implausible that they might see through such a ruse.
It may do the Amish well to start quietly hoarding supercapacitors as soon as Amish-Mormon relations start souring. Or even before: one could make a case for a preprepared EMP bomb being the Amish equivalent of a nuclear deterrent against any potential aggressors.
I’d definitely agree that the Amish would be well served seeking enhanced second or even first strike EMP capabilities.
I don’t think the picnic would be taken as a ruse however, only as an unavoidable preamble to any group interaction. My, admittedly limited, interactions with Mormons led me to believe they also have a cultural weakness for the potluck.
So less a ruse, and more of an ambrosia and corn themed version of 1700s troops lining up before battle.
I would go for Mormons. It looks like they have a high amount of troops which are relatively close by. This means that you can mobilize big parts of your Army and simply Overrun the first Libes of the Amish defended quite quickly. The Amish troops are quite spread out so help would probably come to late.
