Or do you prefer other adjectives? Do you consider it to be insulting or do you take it for a compliment if it was meant as one? (Assume an amenable relationship between the two people, not a random stranger or creeper)
It’s only really fine if someone calls me an appearance-based compliment if they’re my partner or a woman that I’m close to.
Depends on context. “Cute” can be infantalizing and condescending, or not, or somewhere in between. In general, any blanket statements about relationships comes down to context.
Well, I’m in my 40s, so to call me cute would be weird bordering on rude. But to say you like a piece of my clothing or some aspect of my personality is nice to hear.
ok cute is a not go but ok to say you have a nice piece of something.
Piece of clothing, like “I like that shirt” or “cool shoes”.
And aspect of personality, like “I appreciate the perspective that you bring to our team” or “you are a strong writer”.
yeah I was just being assy with innuendo.
not by women. i’d just as soon a man never feel the need to comment on my appearance
I think ‘cute’ has developed a second meaning that is more in line with ‘stylish, aesthetically pleasing, clever’ than the ‘infant baby child/object’ sense of the word but I don’t know how to explain the difference. Probably the person’s other actions and intent and tone. Is someone being condescending in general, trying to frame someone as less than? Or is their body language/conversation style more geared toward a genuine expression of ‘i think you’re cool and like the way you look/your outfit or idea is nice’. I’m short and I get both - there is a subtle but very unmistakable difference between good cute and condescending cute. I feel the same way about ‘adorable’. The condescending usage of cute in my personal experience comes most often from women.
OK, this one is a really interesting one.
In the context of an argument or when I’m clearly trying to be taken seriously? No. If I’m actually angry, what happens to you is above me.
Any other time? (◡‿◡🌸) ✨Thank you ✨
It really depends on what I’m doing to elicit the comment - I’m often doing silly things, getting enthusiastic about stuff, exploring my environment and other things vaguely “childish” and so would consider cute to be a compliment.
Coming with no context it’s neutral, way better than being called sexy but generally my appearance doesnt need comment.
If I’m upset, or being professional, or an authority than being called cute is 100% and insult.
The most important thing I ever realized, if I want to compliment a woman, you never compliment her on her features, you compliment her on her choices. “Hey you look cute” is automatically going to put her hackles up. “Hey, I really like your dress” is a neutral statement you can make that doesn’t make you a danger. Which is what most women view men as after a lifetime of being treated as prey.
Source: three daughters
“Never” seems a little excessive, it’s more contextually sensitive though obviously.
In the context you’ve given, sure! I like it but I have trouble believing people when they say it.
My womanhood is complicated, but I love being called cute. Makes me beam a big smile.
Cute used to describe a person? May work out in some cases, but in most it really will not for various reasons. She may feel you’re infantilizing her, you don’t find her appealing as a woman or appealing for the wrong reasons, you belittle her …
As many wrote, used to describe her choices it’s perfectly fine though.
If you’re looking for a way to express how this person makes you feel - for example a continuous stream of “awwwww” may be expressed by calling someone cute - rather describe your feeling: “I could fawn over you all day.” Ideally you also explain why, so it’s clear where this is coming from: “The way you dress is a perfect compliment to your outgoing personality. I really enjoy just watching you exist.”
Depending on who you want to be to this person and how far along on that road you are, my examples may work or be entirely out of question.
Serious question from an autistic dude who is awful at this kind of thing. If you are genuinely attracted to a person and are interested in dating them is it wrong to just state that outright then? Because I see plenty of women where I like their dress, or their hair color etc. but that doesn’t mean I’m actually attracted to them. I suppose simply stating “I find you very attractive” might be best as it is just all encompassing?
Since attractive just refers to outer features, if you’re interested only physically, that’s fine. If you want a relationship, pick something that describes your person of choice better or encompasses more features.
“I think you’re amazing, would you like to grab a coffee/dinner with me sometime?” would probably work.
If you choose to be this direct, make it clear you don’t need an immediate response. The other party didn’t have any time to prepare for this, so they may actually need to think about you in this way first of all. This may be the hardest part, because you will not know if you’ll get a reply (depends on maturity and courage). You could ask them again once, but then I’d drop it and just assume it’s a no, otherwise you may come across as pushy.
The reason most people don’t do this is, that they’re scared to be turned down or ridiculed (teenagers are assholes). I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier.
Good luck!
I think from 30 onwards it gets a lot clearer and easier
It unfortunately does not, lol. The caring about being rejected does, but other problems crop up, like meeting people in the first place.
For instance, I don’t use apps, I don’t frequent bars, and I don’t want to get HR on my ass (everyone at my job is married or like 19 anyway). So where do I meet someone? Hobbies. Ok, well my hobbies are reading, walking around in the woods looking at cool nature stuff like frogs and salamanders, and going to (music) shows. Maybe I could meet someone at a show, but mostly it’s loud and not conducive to conversation, and nobody wants to talk to strangers in a book store or library, and they’d rather meet a bear in the woods than me as we all know lmao.
Basically I haven’t been doing this because I don’t want to be creepy, but I’m thinking about just saying fuck it and throwing out a “hey you look cool, wanna go grab some coffee sometime?” just whenever, wherever the situation arises, and then get to know if I think she’s amazing over time (if we continue, yadda yadda you know how it goes). I mean what else do I have left? And by whenever, wherever I don’t just mean Shakira’s hit, I mean anywhere, including but not limited to common places where it is often complained about like the grocery store, book store, where she works, just anywhere.
But yeah, anyway, things change when you get older, some things get easier but some get harder. Know where I used to meet women (well, girls)? School. And after that I had a stint in the bars. Back then I was afraid of the rejection sure but never questioned where to meet people. My flip has now flopped, however.
I love being called cute by people I know and have a relationship with! I try to channel cuteness, so it is definitely a compliment for me :)
I was going to say it really depends on who is saying it. A creepy old friend of your uncle’s? Please No. A cute guy you are also interested in? Yes please.
If you are not sure just say nothing. Silence is always a great option
especially in a police interrogation room
“Alright, we have at least 6 witnesses willing to testify that they think I’m pretty. If you confess and say that at least I’m cute, we’ll let you get off easy.”
“I wanna talk to my lawyer.”
bad cop begins routine
“HOW DARE YOU, THEIR OUTFIT ALONE IS FIRE!”
”good” cop pulls the bad cop off you
“Sorry, my partner is a loose cannon. Look, we just want to make sure you’ve got good taste.”
I think I would watch a Fashion Police procedural.
Scientifically this has been proven again and again. Good looking saying something, getting something, doing something is acceptable. Unattractive has no access to the same things.
I’ve pondered this a few times now I’m older. When younger the things I could say to women and get a positive response was amazing, compared to now I’m older. I was fit, good looking and cheeky.
It’s just what it is. Attractive always wins. Be it income, access or acceptance (in your example).
I’m OK with my age and not being as attractive as I was, but every now and then the cocky young man in me wants to complement a lady, but I move on. The moment passes. I’ve matured emotionally and happily carry on.
Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m the Ugly girl!! I also have no chance and ususally guys say “just die” on the internet. It’s not a man problem or a women biases, its a ugly ppl vs pretty people problem
I prefer dirty slut
I thought that was only allowed during and maybe even after the fun.
You mean icecream?
Edited. Not trying to get banned haha.
Getting banned from Lemmy.ml is an achievement in my book. You could start your own instance with poker and hookers 😎
