• Rev3rze@feddit.nl
    0·
    20 days ago

    As a guy who used to be on bumble (met my partner there) I will say that any conversation that started with ‘hey how’s it going’ just went nowhere 100% of the time. It’s so easy to ask literally anything else. We don’t know each other, what’s the point in asking how it’s going if all you’ll ever get as a reply is either “good, and you?” which doesn’t break any ice and introduces a lull on the conversation 4 messages into the chat or if it’s an honest “pretty shit, actually” the tone of the conversation becomes immediately weird because you don’t know each other enough to pry into that.

    Things you could ask:

    • cuddled any cats lately?
    • what made you smile today/this week?
    • what song have you played on repeat lately?
    • play any games lately? (depending on if they list games as their interest, most matches I got listed board games)

    This way you’ll immediately either find common ground or find differences between your everyday experiences that you can talk about.

    • asret@lemmy.zip
      0·
      19 days ago

      As someone who’s not used these things, what’s wrong with a basic handshake to establish the comms channel?

      “Hey, are you listening?”

      “Yes, go ahead.”

      …

      Isn’t that all this really is?

      Seems a weird thing for people to be uptight about.

      • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
        0·
        19 days ago

        a handshake is a formality, it’s something you do to formalize an interaction, we’re formalizing an interaction on a platform that is so personally disconnected it might as well be irrelevant to begin with.

        This isn’t two people in a room, you don’t need to get someones attention by saying “hey” you don’t need to open up to them by offering your hand for a handshake, you’re both there mutually for the purposes of talking, why wouldn’t you get straight to talking?

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
      0·
      19 days ago

      I also met my partner there. I think it was asking her about some cats in her photos, and then walls of text about absolutely nothing. Thinking back on it, I sounded like a right nutjob, but hey it worked out

    • GladiusB@lemmy.world
      0·
      19 days ago

      I have made countless attempts to make a personal statement about their pictures or interests and like zero responses. When I just do something stupid or not even think of it, an actual conversation.

      I met my GF through bumble too but only because we knew each other and didn’t realize we both were divorced now. So I just texted her.

      • aodhsishaj@lemmy.world
        0·
        20 days ago

        The appropriate response to hey is always.

        Hey yourself, what’re you up to on bumble this time of day/night? No good I’m sure.

    • Melvin_Ferd@lemmy.world
      0·
      20 days ago

      I’m not on any of these sites but often I’ll sit down to play a game and stare at my game library. Fully knowing if I try any I’ll like them. But instead I sit and flick through the library and end up playing nothing, maybe even buy a new game and turn it off before the load screen. Then I go to bed. I wonder if it’s the same feeling

    • WolfdadCigarette@threads.net@sh.itjust.works
      0·
      20 days ago

      Social decorum was developed alongside our growing minds. In the absence of the triggers of sight, sound, smell, and touch, people are generally apathetic to the needs and wants of others. Anonymity was not something that our innately social brains were bred for and the monkey at the center of the human psyche is exposed through it.

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
      0·
      19 days ago

      Hi there, I’m Terry Risco
      As you can tell by my profile, I own a Ferrari and earn 150k a year from scamming desperate youtubers with the air of pure unapologetic narcissism.

      My interests are: Money.
      My favourite musicians are: I pay desperate youtubers to sing my praises.
      In my free time I like to: I take adderall to stay awake and sleeping pills to go to bed

  • Asafum@feddit.nl
    0·
    20 days ago

    I have such an easy time on dating sites. If they message me first I know it’s a bot. 100% of the time the next message is either a link or asking if I have some random off site messaging thing they’ll send me a link on.

    I guess they see my profile and know think “he’s gotta be desperate, just look at that pathetic fuck.”

    “Lol” …

  • mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml
    0·
    20 days ago

    PSA: If you’re a guy on a dating site and you reply with just “hey” or something similar to a lady then you’ve fucked up.

    You get one shot at a semi-witty reply that may get her to smile before your reply is buried under 100 other guys also vying for her attention.

    Just quickly read her profile and make some kind of riff off of it with an open ended question.

    “Hey blahblah I saw you liked The Office, I’m more of a fan of working from home myself.

    Also, why’s everyone seem to be looking for Jim? Who’s that guy?”

    • AscendantSquid@lemm.ee
      0·
      20 days ago

      I guess, but wasn’t the point of bumble to turn that on it’s head? Like, traditionally, the guy on a dating site is supposed to come up with a semi-witty first text in order to not be buried. Bumble set itself apart by having the lady message first to avoid that, right? What happened?

      • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
        0·
        20 days ago

        Doomed business model. Women won’t initiate when it’s easier to not.

        Would you initiate a conversation when you’ve got dozens of women, many of them very attractive, vying for your attention? You’d just pick the prettiest or wittiest and let them take the lead

        We need an app that keeps the gender ratios even.

        • azertyfun@sh.itjust.works
          0·
          19 days ago

          We need an app that keeps the gender ratios even.

          Isn’t that what Tinder is indirectly trying to achieve with its “Get Super Gold+++ insta premium” business model? To get a somewhat even gender ratio you need to get a bunch of men to drop out, and asking for absurd amounts of money is certainly one way to go about it. Though I hear even premium tinder users vastly outnumber the women.

          A raffle could work in theory, but upwards of 80 % of men will have to be thrown out and as a woman I wouldn’t see why I would settle for that instead of an app where attractive men will be falling over themselves to talk to me.

          AFAIK the only proven methods for not-super-attractive men to get matches is to either go offline, or be bi/gay. Do with that advice what you will.

          • Cryophilia@lemmy.world
            0·
            19 days ago

            as a woman I wouldn’t see why I would settle for that instead of an app where attractive men will be falling over themselves to talk to me.

            100%. I honestly don’t see any solutions for men. If I were king of the world, I’d provide 3x the tax incentive for families to have baby girls instead of baby boys. Throw the gender ratio way off. That’s the only thing I can think of.

        • WalnutLum@lemmy.ml
          0·
          20 days ago

          I think I remember a site like that existing in the 2010s, where you had to apply to join and it only let in equal numbers of genders.

          It was the 2010s so the waiting list for dudes joining was way longer than the one for women. It was like trying to get in a dance club.

      • mortemtyrannis@lemmy.ml
        0·
        20 days ago

        Best you can hope for on bumble is a ‘hey’ from the woman.

        That’s all they ever need to say, because again, it’s stacked heavily in favour of women so when they send 100 ‘hey 👋🏼’ messages they get 95 replies that have to carry the entire conversation. It sucks but that’s the reality.

      • blackris@discuss.tchncs.de
        0·
        19 days ago

        Sure. And the Rothschilds were never never ever a synonym for „the Jews“ that is used by anti-semites to sell you the old fucking story that jewish people secretly control the world with their amassed money and influence. 🙄

  • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
    0·
    19 days ago

    imagine logging into a lemmy/reddit post, and discovering that every thread starts with someone saying “hey guys” you would fucking leave immediately.

  • _____@lemm.eeEnglish
    0·
    20 days ago

    Idk I just don’t participate. I will die alone or meet someone organically and I know my odds and I’m content with it.

  • NostraDavid@programming.dev
    0·
    20 days ago

    Are there any dating sites where the users are actually trained on how to initiate a conversation? I bet not.

    Bumble could start a free training program to get the poor sods (both men and women) who simply don’t know how to start to actually get started instead of being constantly rejected.

    • KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      0·
      19 days ago

      i feel like if people stopped pulling this small talk bullshit it would work a lot better. But for some reason people are insistent on being super fucking awkward for no reason.

      “hey i see that you like X, that’s pretty cool, you know anything about Y” is automatically way less fucking cringe.