If somebody you knew like a family member, partner or friend told you they had NPD would you still talk to them? Would it change how you feel about that person?
As someone with NPD I’m always worried about how having NPD would affect me socially. It’s so stigmatised and people are always talking about how dangerous people with cluster B personality disorders are. I’m dating this guy at the minute. I really love him but I’m worried about how he would feel if he found out about my NPD. Would he still want to see me after what you see online about NPD? Should I ever tell him? Should I just keep it secret?
As of now I’ve told nobody about my diagnosis other than a few people at job interviews. What I’m basically asking here is ‘How will NPD affect your social life?’.
Exactly how I feel about being aspd (sociopathic)
I would judge them heavily in my head and pay very close attention to them to be aware of any attempts at manipulation or anything of the sort.
I understand it’s a complex diagnosis and has many facets that aren’t inherently negative but ignoring the large parts that are inherently negative would be putting yourself in jeopardy.
But as someone with a diagnosis with the same level of negative connotation I’d be more understanding but still wary.
Not every narcissist is a monster just like not every sociopath is a monster despite the general opinion on the matter.
I agree with you. When I was first diagnosed I didn’t believe it because I thought it was the type of thing only serial killers had. I would look into it and I heard people would say about people with NPD so it was hard to think of myself as like that. Overtime I came to terms with my diagnosis and started to rethink my views of others with a similar diagnosis.
I know and have some friends who are diagnosed with NPD. It doesn’t affect how I treat them. A diagnosis is just a piece of paper at the end of the day, and there’s no reason to treat someone differently based on whether or not they have a particular sheet of paper. I act according to people’s behaviour.
I wish more people were like you and your friends. Although I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s just words on a sheet of paper. That’s like saying that a sentence is just words out of a Judges mouth but still, a personality disorder is a disorder like one else. Like not being able to walk or having autism. Sure, it may effect how I interact with the world but it doesn’t define me and I can improve myself but most people wouldn’t believe that considering how much the media has demonized NPD.
If you hadn’t been diagnosed, would the behaviours the psychiatrist deemed “narcissistic” not exist in you? Behaviours don’t suddenly manifest upon diagnosis. Diagnoses are a way of pathologising and, ultimately, punishing differences, especially ones which are contrary to capitalist productivity. Diagnoses are definitely not objective assessments of dysfunction: see, for obvious examples, the hysteria diagnosis, the now nonexistent diagnosis of homosexuality/homophilia, or the entirely bullshit racist diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder (diagnosed as ADHD in white boys, of course). Even taken at their most benign and apolitical, diagnoses are still human-made categorisations of observed behaviour. The vast majority of psychiatric diagnoses describe a set of commonly co-occuring symptoms, not a root cause or a particular structural anomaly in the brain; they aren’t any more of a natural discrete category than creating a category of white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, since those symptoms tend to co-occur.
In my experience, I’ve known long before they did.
The number one rule of being a doctor… everyone is a doctor 🙄
Or maybe I was abused in a narcissistic relationship for four years and learned a thing or two.
And you Dr. Kevin know it “narcissistic relationship” whatever that is, because? Do you have PhD from the University of Google Search? You read a few trash articles like “How to spot a narcissist in your life😱😱😱” and now you think you can diagnose entire relationships! That’s quite something. I know doctors who can diagnose people but you can diagnose multiple people at the same time. Do me a favor and diagnose the relationship between you and your father oh wait, never mind.
Is this how you respond to people normally in person also?
Sure
What I see online? I spent the first twenty years of my life as a target of cluster-B abuse, trust me I know firsthand.
My advice to all people in range is drop everything and fucking run. Things are replaceable. Jobs and friends are replaceable. Your wellbeing isn’t.
It sucks, you didn’t choose it, it’s not fair - I totally get that, believe me. I have ADHD, it’s a bitch, and it can suck for the people around me.
But the thing is, the fact that it’s not your fault doesn’t make you safe to be around. People can be a danger to others completely involuntarily, despite their greatest wish not to be. And yes, that’s completely fucking unfair.
NPD and BPD are both driven by a great sucking vortex of need-for-validation that can never be filled, and that tortures people if left unfed. NPD is when the vortex demands power or status, BPD is when it demands extravagant emotional connection, but they’re the same basic model underneath. It’s as vicious and relentless as any drug addiction, it doesn’t go away, and it will eventually overpower any amount of good intent. When the monkey’s on their back, all bets are off and the nearest available victim will be preyed upon.
I don’t think there’s a safe way to be in a relationship with that - though I suppose with extremely open communication and amazingly well-defined and enforced boundaries, it could be doable. But this is very much a case of informed consent - it would be supremely shitty not to let your partner know the deal.
So what would be your advice for someone with a cluster B personality disorder? Are we just supposed to be alone forever? Also, why do you even know what you experienced was “cluster-B abuse”? People just think that anyone they don’t like has ASPD, NPD or BPD or something. “Phil who was kind of rude to me the other day, he totally has a covert psychopathic narcissistic cluster B personality disorder. I should know I watched 5 hours of Psych2Go videos”
Like I said, people deserve to know what they’re signing up for, and there need to be well-established boundaries agreed to in advance. I wouldn’t recommend it personally, but different people may choose differently.
And yeah - if someone just isn’t safe to be around, even for reasons they didn’t choose, don’t want and can’t change, then that’s correct, they shouldn’t be around people. Yes, that’s horribly unfair, but existence just sucks. If you have no moral qualms concealing that danger so you can keep exposing people to it in secret… then you’ve just proved my point.
As for the absusers in my life, kindly go fuck yourself.
If someone seemed to have insight into the disorder it’s one thing. The trouble is a lot of cluster B in general don’t. My mother has BPD and has a violent lack of insight into her problems, and some of my patients too. They are vicious miserable manipulative people who only exist to seek negative attention from others. But people who do have insight seem to do ok.
How would you feel if somebody you knew told you they had NPD?
I usually know pretty quick without them telling me, and it doesn’t change how I feel/think about them- that’s based on their behavior, not their diagnoses
Should I ever tell him?
I would maybe bring it up in a joking/self-deprecating manner, because there’s a good chance he puts it together eventually if you’re together long enough. E.g., “my toxic trait is that despite being measurably worse than most people on most metrics, I’m still somehow better than everyone” (gotta be delivered right though).
I joke about my narcissism with my family, partner, and clients
What’s a NPD???
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Gee thanks
You probably don’t actually have NPD (although there’s a small chance you do). The majority of diagnoses of personality disorders and mental health disorders are not realistic, but just labels given by a deeply disturbed medical system that looks at the tremendous pain caused by bad social and economic conditions and blames the person as being “ill” instead of identifying problems in their environment. The world we live in is rampant with narcissism – if you happen to personally reflect that sometimes, that makes you more normal than abnormal.
I’m guessing your actual problem is that you’re stressed, for reasons such as: an unhealthy upbringing, a shitty job, poor educational resources, lack of money, low-quality healthcare, lack of supportive relationships, uncomfortable living arrangements, etc. – take your pick and think about what’s relevant to you. It is a crazy fucking world we live in, and just in order to get by, people often adopt narcissistic and selfish ways of thinking and acting even if that is not how they feel in their heart of hearts.
I don’t know what age you are either (and I’m not asking you to tell me), but the younger you are, the more likely you are to get caught up in misleading notions that you’re crazy because people are giving you shit information. Just work on being healthy and improving your life and treating others with respect. You do not need a label, nor do you need to worry about what people will think of you because of said label. Fuck labels. You’re a human being. Doctors may be able to give useful information about illnesses with evident physical markers such as diabetes or multiple sclerosis, but in most cases, they have no business talking about what’s in your head.
The issue is behavior (which is the primary way most of that is diagnosed to begin with).
Acknowledging the behavior and making a deliberate attempt to prevent/improve it is something I would see as a positive sign compared to the behavior without the same steps. Getting a diagnosis (and some type of therapy) are a good thing.
If you consistently treat me badly, the label wouldn’t be why I left. If you make mistakes, but make the regular effort to be aware of them and improve, the label doesn’t matter either.
Finally, somebody understands. This is what I’ve been trying to get across to people. If somebody is being manipulative or abusive the problem is there behaviour not a diagnosis they were born with but our society is more preoccupied with pop psychology and demonising those with personality disorders.
So I’m not big on most of what passes for self improvement material (I think the self help genre is almost entirely trash), but anyone who makes a habit out of trying to make themself better is moving the right way.
It’s worth noting that there will be people who hear the label and react badly, though.
I would argue that the short term pain is worse than hiding it and being with someone who doesn’t know you and can’t understand you, but I can’t promise it won’t be a dealbreaker for someone you really don’t want it to be, either.
Depends on how you frame it.
“I’m a certified asshole and that’s why I’m trying to change.”
or
“I’m certified awesome and you should know any problems are really your fault.”
Many people claim to have NPD nowadays, as a person who grew up in NPD household i say these people who claim to be NPD haven’t met REAL NPD persons yet, since NPD persons is akin to cold blooded psychopath that wants to control EVERYTHING and have EVERYONE sympathy on their side, even getting out of NPD household is insurmountable task for most people, so what I’m trying to say, these people who claim to be BPD or/and NPD are don’t know what REAL NPD/BPD persons is behind the closed doors
Nope, more like everyone cleams to have known with NPD just because they didn’t like them and only understand NPD as the ‘bad man I don’t like disorder’
If somebody you knew like a family member, partner or friend told you they had NPD would you still talk to them?
I’d tell then they should run for President of the US, they have qualities and traits a majorty of people admire…
I’d be really curious about what is really means and how you manage or cope with it. If I knew you for a while it would be just another thing to file away about your personality. It probably is something you would share with people you are close to, but you may need to educate them on what it means.
“I’d be really curious about what is really means and how you manage or cope with it.”
It’s hard to live with. It’s difficult to relate to others, your obsessed with your yourself and being noticed. It’s like being you’re every very own tiger parent.
It’s all about how you see things. I make an effort to amplify for others and to understand that it’s ok not to be perfect among other of things.
Why the ever-loving eff would you talk about this during a job interview?
Is this a recent diagnosis? You need to slow way down and educate yourself on the condition and your employment rights. And I don’t mean by asking people on internet forums. Get real resources recommended by the doctor who gave you the diagnosis.
I thought if they ask your medical history you’re supposed to give them a complete rundown. Recent appointments, diagnosis and medication everything now I know better
Never reveal your health history to past, future, or current employers. Furthermore, you may want to have NPD be a personal diagnosis between you and your trusted mental health doctor/therapist. You can request that they provide a general billing to your insurer (e.g., “patient sought counseling about personal life”), as opposed to a particular diagnosis. It’s no one else’s business but yours and your mental health professional. End of story.
As I already said I know this now
Some people need accommodations at work. Like a nursing parent needs space for pumping and a fridge to keep the milk. Accessible bathrooms for people with mobility issues. I work near someone who has an umbrella looking thing over her workstation because the fluorescent lights give her migraines. Some need time flexibility to address medical issues, or perhaps the medical issues of child or aging parent.
All these would require having some sort of conversation with your employer. During a job interview is not the time to do it. You need to check with your country and local laws to know your employee rights. You want to ask for accommodations in such a way that doesn’t put you at risk of getting fired or never hired to begin with.
Hindsight is 2020
Curious what country you live in? In the US, your medical information is protected information and it’s generally illegal for employers to ask you information about it. I think certain fields have exemptions for this though… possibly the military?
I don’t know where you live, but it is not normal for prospective employers to ask for your medical history most places, and is legally questionable if not outright banned under the anti-discrimination laws of many countries.
If it’s a person that I know then it wouldn’t affect my view of them at all, because I already know them.
