some people trigger me so easily it’s scary. Most of them are loud, lazy coworkers that somehow piss me off very easily.
Is this a normal reaction to morons?
it’s not like I want to punch them, I’m simply relaxed and work better when I don’t have to see them. They slow me down.
Post marking this thread for edit with more details later, after I’ve had a nap.
I’ve had similar strong reactions to other things. In my case, I had some unresolved trauma that I wasn’t even consciously aware of until I worked through it with a therapist. Not necessarily the case with you, but it might be worth talking to a professional if you have the means.
That being said, every office seems to have obnoxious coworkers (that’s pretty much the premise of The Office, and why it did so well). And that can be annoying for sure. For me, I try to not take my work overly seriously, and I try to remember that others might find me obnoxious at times too.
I had a similar experience, my trauma was from an extremely toxic relationship I was in. I was so sensitive that anything could make me snap.
A therapist helped me develop coping mechanisms which helped, but I was really only able to start recovering once I left the relationship. I felt like a totally new person after I got away from them.
every office seems to have obnoxious coworkers
imho, this is because everyone is obnoxious about something, in some set of circumstances, because we’re human animals.
I’m hella sus of anyone who’s always good.
Because you gotta know that ain’t natural.
I get super pissed when my shitty laptop and/or internet connection slows to a crawl while I’m working from home. It feels (irrationally) like a betrayal. It’s my stupid work equipment hampering me when I just want to get shit done.
I usually fly off the handle and curse a blue streak while rebooting everything. Sometimes I think it’s AV or bossware slowing me down.
Seems to happen at the worst times, too. Like when I’m trying to fix something important, and am already under time pressure.
When I get angry at someone online, I mute or block them
When I get angry at someone IRL, I walk away and put physical distance between us.
If it happens often and I cannot put distance between myself and the other person, then I take a few days to think about what made me angry and I draft a letter explaining my feelings and what are my needs to prevent it from occurring again. If it keeps happening, then I make changes to my life so I dont have to see them.
Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that’s a massive reduction in stress and anger.
Flipped out over stupid shit. Hurt someone i loved. Decided to be better. Took 10 years beyond that, but there was progress that whole time.
What do you mean by trigger you. How do you react? How does their behavior actually affect you?
i bought a laptop that’s made out of metal so that i can smash it all i want and it’s still broken
It sounds like there is some other sort of resentment at play here. Is there some other underlying attribute the coworkers who annoy you share? Example: Are they friends outside of work and you are not? Is it a racial or ethnic difference? Look for the reasons why they specifically “set you off” and address those biases. Try to better understand them as people first.
You say they are lazy - is it your job to police them at work? If not, then do your work and get promoted. Then you can actually do something about it. Until then, back off unless they prevent you from doing your job. Maybe when they see you are doing better than they are, maybe they’ll follow your lead.
If you want to be a leader, lead. Be the change you want to see. Take pride in yourself and your work, inspire others.
Anyway, ask yourself those questions and be honest. If you are troubled by the answers, start there.
Hope this helps
Anger is our inability to understand or accept the true nature of things.
And a need or attempt to control things beyond our control.
Let go of trying to control everything and everyone. Let go of the arrogance that you know what’s best. Understand that if you can change things, anger will make the process more stressful and not help, and if you can’t change things then the anger won’t improve the situation.
Also, a lot of people come from families where the angriest person gets their way because it’s easier for everyone else to give them their way. If this is you, choose to break the cycle, and not hold your family & peers hostage to get what you want.
Yes, understanding oneself and what we really control is part of understanding nature. Understanding trauma and stress are part of understanding & accepting nature.
Finding people annoying isn’t the problem, people will always be annoying. If you find yourself exploding over small stuff, it means your mental resources for suppressing and tolerating such things have been depleted. Changing how you think of people can help, but I would examine your lifestyle as a whole and figure out why you aren’t able to maintain said mental resources. You may not be resting enough, you may have other problems. It might be hard at first if you’ve not explored this stuff before, but it’s well worth it in the long run.
Don’t dismiss physical problems as a possibility either. Something that was surprising to me was blood pressure, apparently it was causing me to fly off the handle at times. Literally all it took was some minor weight loss and eating musli, and suddenly I’m fine again.
Not necessarily applicable to everybody, but if you find yourself with a short fuse, I highly recommend getting checked out for sleep apnea.
Imagine going to sleep for 8-10 hours a night but always feeling a bit tired and very irritable. Because in reality, you barely sleep at all. That’s what sleep apnea does, and I can personally start that, if that’s your problem, addressing it is a world changer.
I started therapy and my therapist helped me see that my fucked-up childhood left me with lots of triggers, which we examined. Understanding those triggers reduced their power. I also now understand I can leave stressful situations before I blow up. I don’t have to constantly mask.
So, therapy. It’s awesome. If your first therapist isn’t a good fit it’s ok to find another one.
I am not a better human being, but I’m combating my irritability one cause at a time. Firstly, treating physical conditions that cause irritability (as much as money has let me): hormonal issues, sleeping issues, etc. Secondly, addressing psychological and psychiatric problems (I had to learn a lot of these topics because I wasn’t able to afford specialists all the time and it was an interest of mine anyway). Finally, fixing external or environmental causes, e.g. working on changing toxic relationships.
It is still a work in progress, but my life is getting calmer and calmer as I am ticking the boxes in that list. At some point, you get to a place where you can search for your own answers, existentially speaking, and that also helps. Here I mean exploring philosophy and your own ideas; your feelings, your passions, etc.
Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself (and others).
Maybe work on that inflated ego first.
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