like being told to “move my fat ass” or just plain annoying and then telling me they were joking.
This is how assholes test your boundaries to see how far they can push you. It wasn’t a joke until you pushed back.
Ugh, I have a friend whose humour often involves mean-spirited jibes and put-downs. I was in a low mood one day and told him I didn’t like the tone of his “jokes”, that they sometimes stung. He really dialled back after that.
You’re fortunate. I had a friend who was similar, but rather than verbal, his jokes generally involved intentionally acting in a way he knew you found annoying. I once told him that being annoying was, in fact, annoying and not amusing. He said “sorry I upset you. I’ll probably keep doing it though.” I said that that wasn’t what sorry meant … He didn’t respond and did, indeed, keep doing it.
He and I have both grown up a lot since then. I don’t see him often, but I don’t think he’s intentionally annoying anymore.
Given your example I assume its in person. You can’t take anything online very seriously as you don’t know if you talking to an 8 or an 80 years old physically or mentally. Ironically I will now continue giving my online opinion as if it matters. From my experience the only time this could be a joke is among a group of male friends who are close. Maybe some females are like this but not in my experience it not as common. Its like the talk you might see in bbc where their always calling each other cunt. Now once in awhile the group might be together and their migh be some new folks or strangers but there is enough folks from the group where one will fall into the mode of acting like that even in mixed company. Some guys like to push to that level of intimacy (they won’t want to call it that. intimacy with other males. but thats what it is). Some families related in this way and as I said im sure some groups of girls might and it might even be common now for all I know. Anyway though this is a very particular scenario and any other thats just an insult and the joke thing is something weak individuals do because they say things looking for other people to back them out and when it does not happen they don’t have the spine to meet their mouth.
People will test the quality of a communication channel by saying nonsensical things on that channel, to see if those interpreting the message believe the nonsense.
It’s a way of affirming a bond of understanding between people.
Just ignore them, and if they don’t tell them to stop, and if they have a hissyfit over being told to stop don’t labour the point.
there are so many ways to approach this but i like to see it as decency being reduced to a mask people wear- their true selves come out every now and then. you can subsequently ask what are the conditions for these outbursts? general malaise, exhaustion, pressure, and all the myriad things our moods are vulnerable to.
Depends. Sometimes they take a bad swing at a joke and realize they fucked it up… sometimes though they’re just assholes they are trying to cover being an ass.
It’s usually a matter of context to tell which is which.
Oh yeah that’s generally true, but something like calling a person fat just sounds like someone’s being an asshole and then when they get called out they turn it into your problem for being “too sensitive” because it was “just a joke” – ie. continuing to be an asshole
this happens to me all the time
tfkirp issthty
If your neighbour’s donkey is eating your flowers you’re entitled to ask them to move their fat ass.
Most of the times I swing and miss with a joke, the other person just doesn’t connect with my humor. Instead of being offended, I find they’re just confused by what just happened.
For example, I had a joke I found funny, but apperently I’m the only one who finds it funny.
See, what you do is…you go to a place that wouldn’t have mustard, like a bus stop. And you ask
Uhhhh…where’s the mustard?
And they say something that indicates they don’t know, or there isn’t any. And you say
Oh, ok. Sorry.
I find that joke hilarious. Nobody else gets it. But they aren’t offended…
The correct thing to do with a swing and a miss like that is to apologize. If there’s no apology, it’s the asshole thinking they have an actual excuse.
Over time, you start seeing a pattern. If the (superficially) rude things mostly make you laugh, it’s the former, if they mostly make you feel bad, it’s the latter.
Because the last thing some people want to do is be accountable
this is known as schrodinger’s asshole. they are serious or kidding depending on the results they get
Because punch them in the face. That’s how you stop that behavior.
Oh, did I punch you in the face? It was just a joke!
And suddenly they think twice about being an asshole.
Using their logic against them never works.
Oh, it’s not the logic that works. It’s the punch in the face.
“I was an asshole…and that guy punched me. I want to be an asshole…but I don’t want to get punched again…”
Thats a simplified version of it. The extended version is multiple punches to the face.
That’s terrible advice. Use words not your fists, unless you want to be arrested.
Hit them with a bigger insult and call it a joke. ‘Sorry, I couldn’t hear you as I was overwhelmed by the horror of your hideous face. Just a joke.’ Or ‘I’m fat because your (insert family member here) feeds me when I fuck them.’
Most of the time they’re just assholes.
They really think everything is ok as long as it’s just a joke
Maybe they’re republican
Let’s make this about politics too because we simply can’t have a thread without someone bringing up politics. Thanks for your contribution on making this place worse for everyone.
Did you or did you not move your fat ass?
Depends are we taking annoying stuff?
Then it might be that you didn’t understand their sense of humor.
Are we talking rude things ? It’s hard to say. Without being there I would hesitate to judge in either direction. Was it that they were actually being rude and are just an asshole? Was it not that bad and you don’t get their sense of humor? Is it that you actually have no sense is humor? It’s difficult to know without a lot more detail.
The fat ass… That is difficult to judge… Yeah up front I’d say yeah it’s rude and would never do it. But I do know people that do talk to each other that way and neither person has no problem with it. Again I wouldn’t but I’m not there so… It’s hard to say why that exact group does it.
