The Onion’s first headline needs to be:

“Oh Shit! It’s ALL true!”

Reassemble the MythBusters

Tulsi and Matt better start drinking BEER!

SecDef choice is meant to disrupt the military so it is not as effective.

“fiscal conservatism”

I remember when i thought they wanted balanced budgets.

Oh no! The Americans will have to say Stop! again.

Yeah i gave the Trump and Musk one a listen in the interest of hearing what they are saying. Oof. Needs an independant real time fact checker. Bad.

There aren’t too many others getting much market share to voice other takes.

To be fair, chocolate milk comes from milk.

Milk comes from cows.

Most cows are at least partially brown, many 50% or more brown.

Conversly, albino cows constitute a small portion of the milk supply.

So it is, arguably, a correct statement.

Cartels will have nukes shortly after smaller countries with weak or bribable security forces have them.

They get to go to reeducation camp first!

A mandate of hate.

No Nancy. You and your DNC are wrong and that is why you lost the presidency, senate, and house.

Fake party.

One wing is cheaper than two!

MAX profits!

Oiligarchy more precisely.

Mortgage to pay, health care insurance costs, kids tuition, …

Slaves to the systems of life.

They had Bernie and killed his chances every time.

Most will be too uneducated to comprehend.

They did get Jenkins tho!

Andrew Shultz origin story revealed

He was concerned Fat Man had diabetes.