I just got ghosted by the girl I was talking to, I want to find another girl to talk to. This girl and I met at the gym, but I don’t want to be the guy that goes to the gym just to meet girls. I mean sure there’s the bar and Tinder, but I want a real relationship. I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.
I met my partner on Hinge. But all dating apps are awful these days.
Edit: Good luck!
Dating apps are garbage these days but I am an indoor person. Tinder can be viable for real relationships. I met my girlfriend on there and we’re a perfect match. I had in my profile that I was a gamer and played Overwatch and within 10 minutes of chatting we were playing online and in voice chat. She messaged me first. Now we’re spending most nights and weekends together. Unfortunately what I did was pay the stupid troll toll that Tinder takes to have unlimited swipes and then just swipe right on literally everyone. Women tend to be more choosy on online dating than men, and having both parties have to choose each other is just another layer of shit to get through before having a conversation. It’s shitty but that’s how modern dating apps operate. The apps of 10 years ago were so much better than this shitty instagram picture first RNG powered gacha game bullshit we have today but you can still find truly amazing relationships with them.
The gym isn’t a bad place to meet girls, but I wouldn’t cold approach them for the most part or assume any who do talk to you want a relationship.
My best advice is that if you really like the gym and fitness, take a class at the gym that is likely to have more women in it, like yoga or a dance class. Do try to pick something you actually are kind of interested learning more about, though. It’ll give you something else to focus on and take the pressure off trying to meet people. It’ll also make you look better as a potential partner if they can personally watch you working hard at learning something.
This seems pretty sound advice - https://youtube.com/shorts/JhQI06_V6NQ Source: Single/dating for ten years, now married for ten years.
Spend your time doing what you like and talk to women you meet while doing that. It has several advantages for dating. :)
I met my current wife in the crackhouse we both frequented, it was very romantic and just like a movie.
and just like a movie.
Trainspotting, Fight Club or Requiem for a Dream?
She’s always beating the shit out of me and may not actually exist so I’ll go with Fight Club.
I had absolutely no luck trying. I went on dates, swiped apps, talked to every girl I thought was cute, and none of it went anywhere beyond some weird halfhearted relationships. About two weeks after I gave up altogether, I met a girl on my way to the water fountain and we just clicked. Six years down the line and we couldn’t be happier.
I guess my best advice is just don’t sweat it. Be yourself, do what makes you happy, put yourself in situations where you’ll meet new people, and sooner or later somebody will come along.
I think people are too quick to discount this advice but it’s honestly the best way to find a genuine life partner. Do stuff you love and if you find someone you’re interested in doing it (and they feel the same way) you have an excellent basis for a relationship.
And if that fails, if you do hobbies you love with other people, at least you’ll make new friends.
Nothing is less attractive than the stink of desperation. I said the same thing to a friend of mine. He was out of a relationship and looking for a new one. Within 6 months of not trying to find someone and just enjoying his life, there she was.
About two weeks after I gave up altogether, I met a girl on my way to the water fountain and we just clicked
I just have to say thank you for posting this, as I was just commenting earlier today how I got together with my (now) wife after giving up and focusing on myself. I really appreciate seeing that my experience isn’t a one off like I’ve been told before (which is amusing because I’ve had it happen multiple times since).
Don’t.
Okay, that could easily be misinterpreted. What I mean is don’t look for one. Live your life. Get to know yourself. Find some hobbies, start some projects, do some cool shit. Not as a resume for a relationship, just to do it and be fulfilled. You don’t need to find someone right this moment.
The worst relationship I ever had was because I was young and lonely and bored and I ended up dating someone who nearly destroyed my life and dominated everything about it. Took 5 years to get away from it. Subsequent relationships suffered, though not because my partners were awful, I just wasn’t worth dating.
At some point, I just got tired of it and “retired” from dating. I took care of myself, did things that interested me, and relaxed for a few years. Just me. I got really happy just being with myself. Then, my best friend of nearly 20 years and I ended up starting a thing nearly on accident, and now (a few years later) we’re very happily married. Absolutely would not have been possible unless I’d spent the time to figure myself out.
You might ask a good friend, who is married or has a GF, if his partner might have a friend who might be interested. That’s how I met my wife. Bonus is we were able to talk at a bbq at the friend’s place.
Hit the Lawyer, delete the Gym, Facebook up.
No wait
This book contains the latest research of what makes a man attractive to a woman:
https://annas-archive.org/md5/d7b5ceb2699ed79b4b4db586ef435eb0
It’s pretty high-level, but important knowledge nonetheless. All of it is true in my experience.
I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.
However, this is an incredibly important mindset, if it means what I think it means. You have to truly be ok with being alone for the rest of your life. Just do whatever gives you most pleasure/fulfillment and talk to girls wherever you see them incidentally. Just go about your life, put yourself in situations that you like where other people exist, and strike up conversations.
It’s completely ok to talk to someone at the supermarket, on the street, wherever. Many women fantasize about it in a romantic way. Many women obviously want to be left alone. You have to calibrate your empathy and figure out who is interested or not. But you are allowed to approach and state your interest. Just “dont be creepy”™
The bar and Tinder are not the exclusive domain of hookups. I met my partner of 5 years on bumble, my friend met his wife on Tinder.
I think the advice others are giving is true to some extent, work on yourself and good things will come, but for most people you also have to go the extra mile and put yourself out there.
Put yourself on the apps. Go to clubs, leagues, meetups, socials, events, parties etc. In general, say yes instead of no and talk to people instead of not. If something starts to develop you can give out those vibes that you’re looking for something more serious, and people will self-select.
the bird will never land on your ship if you constantly stand guard to catch it, instead improve your ship and sail into warmer waters; the bird will land while you are not looking
- CGP Grey
I have to be honest, this made my day
CGP Grey might be one of the most interesting people to ever have lived. I cannot get enough of his podcasts. I still miss Hello Internet dearly.
Til he had a podcast
He’s still in the Cortex podcast :)
Til about the Cortex podcast
Is it still a Apple podcast?
I love this advice.
Sadly if I had to expand on the analogy, I hate a warm and humid climate. I’ve learned to function in social situations, but never to be comfortable in them. I want nothing more than to be left alone by people I don’t know.
I am painfully aware that to get to interact with more people I already know and like, I’ll first have to interact with people I don’t know, and might not like. And that makes it even harder to get over that hurdle. And my asocial ass is not actually that bothered by loneliness so I just don’t bother.
The common advice is to do things you enjoy, and meet people who also enjoy those things, but my enjoyment of something is quite closely linked to how alone I get to be.
If dealing with other people is involved, I just won’t be as into it.
The warmer waters could also mean a place of comfort for you, and by being in a place you like and being comfortable you are more likely to meet someone compatible. It also feels less like a chore because you don’t have to chase or get out of your comfort zone so much.
I like to be alone, I hate when it gets too loud and can easily get overwhelmed by crowds. My wife and I spend plenty of time doing things in our own space or spending weeks apart. We both value alone time. Find yourself someone who values what you value.
I’ll get the ball rolling, as a married person myself. Just starting out with questions. First off, what drives the feeling of not wanting to meet someone at the gym, and second, what drives bar and Tinder only being artificial relationships?
It’s fine to meet someone at the gym, in fact it’s a good way to select for someone with an interest in fitness.
Going to the gym for the purpose of meeting someone means you’d be hitting on someone who’s trying to work out, which makes it easier to be an accidental creep.
yes that’s what I was hinting at for the OP. If you go thinking you are going to hit on women, that’s bad. If you go worried that you’ll be creepy, that’s a confidence issue. If you go and think hey, maybe tonight I’ll see someone, then that’s healthy
I mean, I guess it’ll come to me.
Well first you need to have some respect for women and recognise they’re not commodities. You’ll never get a girl to come to you if you speak about them like that.
Didn’t mean it like that. The girl I just talked to came to me first. I really don’t expect every girl to come of me but you’re right regardless. I just was a bit sad.
I am currently researching if being alone 90% of the time has any impact on the prospects of finding a partner.
After 37,5 years of constant research I have found a quite negative link between being alone and finding a partner
