As I was growing up, my family had a couple of sayings I took for granted were universal, at least within my language. As I became an adult I have learned that these are not universal at all:
- the ketchup effect. It is an expression meaning that when things arrive, they all arrive at the same time. Think of an old school glass ketchup bottle. When you hit the bottom of it, first there is nothing, then there is nothing and then the entire content is on your food.
- faster than Jesus slid down the mount of olives. Basically a saying that implies that the mount of olives is slippery due to olive oil and Jesus slipped.
- What you lack in memory, your legs suffer. An expression meaning that when you are forgetful, you usually need to run back and thus your legs suffer.
Please share your own weird family sayings.
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Not a family saying, but my grandad used this joke soooo often:
Q: What’s the difference between a snake in the grass and a goose?
A: A snake in the grass is an asp in the grass, but a grasp in the ass is a goose!
My folks liked to purposefully mix metaphors, so instead of saying “The worm has turned”, they’d say, “The shoe has turned” and “The worm is on the other foot”.
I’m sure there’s an origin somewhere, but since I don’t know it, the call-out for doing something particularly dumb was, “Why don’t you just ram your face into my fist?” (suggesting your stupidity was impressive, but not worth the actual bother of ‘punishing’ you for it, especially given you were probably stupid enough to punish yourself).
Mixed metaphor dad jokes are classic, I really enjoy them.
I guess we gotta burn that bridge when we come to it.
Does the Pope shit in the woods!?!
I’m familiar with the last one. Love the “ketchup effect”, have to remember that one
My mom used to describe a solution to a problem that worked well as “slicker than snot”
Used that phrase in a work meeting once when I was younger and got the most eclectic mix of reactions ranging from, “ think I’m going to vomit” to full on LOLs.
I’m stealing that one.
If you get hung in a rut, you better lock those hubs in. Cat get your tail out the fire!
70’s kid my Dad says “wadda want eggs in your milk?” (still to this day)
always said if you “upscale” something.
Me: Dad I need shoes Dad: ok we will get some. Me: how about those Adidas like Run DMC Dad: Wadda want eggs in your milk toofunny thing is as dumb as the saying is. My oldest child used it the other day when a person was trying to merge in front of him
“Dead meat is hung, live meat is hanged.” Turns out most people’s grandma’s aren’t radical leftist english teachers.
“watch the ficus” - telling somebody to be more careful after they do something clumsy like tripping or nearly dropping something. I used it in front of some friends once and got confused looks. Apparently grandma used to have a potted ficus tree and used to tell me to watch it when I was playing close to it, so it stuck as a saying in the family.
haha awesome. So concise, it does sound like a wise saying
You better finish your dinner, don’t you know there are starving children in Africa?
Turns out that one was actually universal.
Were you born in the 1970s? Both me and my wife heard that exact same sentence from our mothers.
that persisted well into the 90s at least
Yup. We also might come from the “step on a crack, break your mother’s back” generation?
My Grandmother used to say “It’s better than a kick in the teeth” when deflecting disappointment in an outcome–putting a positive spin on a negative. Being from the UK it seemed universal, but moving to Canada and saying that, people gave me odd looks.
The other one is when somebody is talking nonsense or a bit crazy, they would say “They are out of their tree”. For the Welsh the tree symbolizes stability and mental wellness (druids I guess) and if you were stressed or needed to chill their phrase translates to “I need to go back to my trees”
I used to hear ‘better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick’
Whatever the fuck that means
We had better than a poke in the eye with a wet banana.
My family’s was “beats a sharp stick in the eye.”
No one, I think, is in my tree.
I mean, it must be high or low.
I’m from the US and “better than a kick in the teeth” and “better than a poke in the eye” are both common around my area. Never heard the tree ones though.
I’ve (also Canadian) heard it as “better than a kick in the pants”
Or “better than a boot to the head”, wayyyy before those kids started singing about it … in the hall. The kids in the hall.
A Dutch one I got from my Oma: “It’s as if the angels upon my tongue have pissed”. It means “yum”.
Alsof er een engeltje over je tong pist.
My mom used to tell my brother’s and I to eat vegetables that were longer than they are wide because it’s good for growing an ankle duster.
The what
Eat long veg, grow long dong.
Yeah I know what it means. Don’t you think that’s a little strange coming from mom? Bow chicka wow wow 😽
… Am… Am I understanding correctly that your mother told you and you brother , regularly, to eat dick shaped vegetables so you could grow a long shlong?
That’s a smart mom.
Spot on! I take it your mother didn’t off that advice?
Well my sisters and I don’t have that kind of equipment, so no.
Was she your first 🥰
Mother? Yes. There was another one that came later.
You are motherfucker
Not really a saying, but when I was a kid I wanted to learn how to whistle so badly. I was told that if I ate pickles it would help me learn faster? I didn’t eat any, and I still figured it out eventually.
Probably because sour would make your lips pucker? I think lemons would be more obvious.
Funny my grandad had a little rhyme related to your ketchup effect:
“If you do not shake the bottle, none’ll come and then a lot’ll”
Clearly ketchup bottles have been a bigger influence on culture than we realised
Shaking the ketchup bottle is a great pro tip. No idea why it works but it does.
Vigorous shaking mixes the thicker areas (where the sauce has settled) and the thinner (more watery) areas so they now have the same viscosity (pouring characteristics). Most importantly, this lets the mass of sauce slide cleanly down the bottle, helping the air bubble to also slide up in one unit at the same time, preventing the “air-lock” blockage at the opening. Important Note: Before vigorously shaking any container, ensure that the cap is truly secured! Now you are in control!
Before vigorously shaking any container, ensure that the cap is truly secured!
Wife has this bad habit of not closing stuff all the way. Learned this the hard way :D
I think what you said is true but that also ketchup as a material is shear thinning—meaning as you shake or tap the bottle, this creates stress or “shear” on the liquid which causes the viscosity to decrease. It also takes a little bit of time for the liquid to re-thicken, so it will actually pour pretty well a few seconds after shaking it.
Bravo!
I really love both ketchup effects here:D
“Life’s tough. It’s even tougher when you’re stupid.”
-my grandfather quoting a line from a John Wayne movie I think.
“If you’re gonna be stupid, you’ve gotta be tough,” is one I’ve heard.
Lol well this reminds me of what my Hodor sized buddy’s foreman used to say about him, “Thank God he can lift a ton cuz he can’t fucking spell it.” 🤣
That’s fucking great
There is even a song for it!
Is there really?! Do you know the artist? I think I messed the quote up a bit cuz I didn’t get anything from googling it and even when I read it out loud it doesn’t sound quite right.
The ketchup effect and the suffering legs are pretty common here and I have heard many use it. Especially the one with the legs is more or less a cliche by now.
The one with the sliding Jesus i have v never heard before!
