Last panel is wrong. Genie would just grant him an MBA from a top tier school
I once looked through a textbook from my friend’s MBA course. The first thing I noticed was in a highlighted box in the chapter on business negotiating: “Your skill at negotiating will affect the outcome of the negotiations.”
These are the people that make 10X what I make.
This is why I refuse to get an MBA. I already know my pants go on my legs. Thanks.
Your skill at putting on your pants will affect the outcome of the pants-on-putting operation.
In Czech we say MBA means Mladý, Blbý, Arogantní - Young, Dumb, Arrogant.
You’ve probably had the experience of sharing the highways there with Germans cutting through your country to get to Austria and forgetting they were not on the Autobahn any more. I drove a rental car when I visited there years ago, and I’ve never had a more terrifying driving experience than looking in my rearview mirror and seeing empty road stretching back for miles, and two seconds later having a black BMW riding my ass and flashing its high beams at me.
Are you sure that wasn’t the introduction to the Speech skill in Skyrim?
I learned this in my first statics class, and I have a BS in business administration.
Statics? They teaching yall physics?
Not spelling though… they skipped right past that.
They gave you some bs alright.
It would be funnier if the genie says “there are two rules”
Japanese companies, this isn’t a wish, it’s a fundamental truth of the universe. Like gravity. No matter the scale or importance of them. I promise you your car exists because of an Excel 2003 file on some underpaid engineer’s laptop that they periodically sync with an inventory system.
I once worked for a Japanese company where I had to make a presentation. In Excel, I shit you not. Then we had one of our “shadow” managers make a Japanese translation of the same thing. It took me two days to get the kerning and print layout right, especially with that weird english typeface that is Japanese standard, I hate to think how long the translator took to get their version right.
What’s the typeface? I’m sorry, I know nothing.
I used to make a monthly document that was in English and Japanese. I used either Meiryo or Meiryo UI. That looked ok in both scripts but there is another font where the en looks shit. Or maybe I’m thinking of full width characters.
This is basically what I run for a living and it’s definitely not glamorous.
I feel you. Working in healthcare, ms office is the only thing consistently installed site wide I can take advantage of to run a db.
Couldn’t you use Access instead of Excel or is that not possible for your use case?
Unfortunately IT blocked Access installs because some staff were using it for mission critical processes, and upon leaving IT were required to maintain them. They felt excel was less likely to lead to scenarios like this.
Little did they know excel projects are probably worse to maintain.
Microsoft spent years and years trying to get people to not use Excel as a database, until they eventually had to give up hope that anyone who doesn’t know the difference would voluntarily use Access, so they started adding database-like functionality to Excel to meet their customer’s demands and try to make the experience at least a little bit less painful.
This is a real-life case of “meet the user where they are” despite the designer’s wishes, because even within Microsoft, there is strong agreement on not using Excel as a DB.
I only ever encountered Access was once many years ago and I was warned that it had issues with multiple users.
Well, to be fair to Access, it’s not like Excel is such a great multi-user database either, now is it? ;-)
Well excel nowadays doesn’t have issues with concurrent users if you have office 365 like many companies do.
At that time it was Access with the files located at a company shared drive, the issue was concurrent writes I believe.
Yes, but at the time Excel didn’t support concurrency either ;-)
Anyway, you are correct about the issue with concurrent writes, but that’s only because Access was intended as a single user DB. If you wanted a multi-user DB you should be getting MS SQL server.
Not saying this product strategy worked (it clearly didn’t, otherwise people would not be using Excel), but that’s how they envisioned it to work.
Better yet, put your access backend to OneDrive to acquire an un-openable, un-deletable file.
I actually ran this setup for a pretty long while without major issues. YMMV but OneDrive is not a terrible way to store a single user database backend if you don’t have a lot of sequential writes going into it in a short timespan.
i…isn’t that the entire point of excel? what is it for if not to store data?
similarly i remember a reddit comment that broke my brain, saying no one should be using excel, they should be using a ‘cell matrix organizer’ or similar. we all can name 5 off the top of our heads
Excel is this weird mix of storing small amounts of data but so good for visualizing data. If people are saying it shouldn’t be used to store data they mean massive amounts of data as opposed to something like some small scale accounting for a fund raiser.
Excel has a purpose, but storing data long term isn’t it. It’s for calculating data. It shouldn’t be the single source of truth.
One of the things Microsoft did to make it work was extending the row limit from 65k to 1M. Apparently, Economics professors were very excited about that one, which explains a lot.
Storing data is only one of the parts to the formula of what makes a database. Proper databases require structured storage of the data and some way to query the data constructively. Excel did not have those features until Microsoft gave up trying to convince people to not use it as a DB and added it to Excel.
Anyone else use Microsoft Access…30 years ago?
Fun fact: most of the electronic voting machines in the 2000 presidential election used Access to store vote counts. Access, the “database” with a user-editable audit table.
At least it had an audit table.
How about last week?
Why yes this comic made me think of our users, why do you ask?
ADO or DAO?
May I introduce you: webxcel
What the fuck. Thanks for sharing!
3gb CSV file goes brrrr…
Should’ve been the version saying:
Geanie: “It is done”
Person: “But… nothing changed”
G: “Correct”
Don’t be gross, use CSV files
I mean it’s a simple file format so it’ll perform better because it doesn’t have to decode any complex formats or protocols.
Big O? Never heard of it!
CSV is great but the byte loss on numbers is sometimes gruesome.
My 5th rule would be “no ‘fix my IT problem without me telling you what the error message says’”. Because fuck that
Error 0x2e8da08150469
That would be something I could google. So not completely useless.
My old ass crying in MS Access
one of our partners we have to integrate with at work sends us reports in ms access format. it’s not fun, especially when everything is running in lambda and there doesn’t seem to be any good libraries for reading ms access files that would easily run in lambda.
“I have to make a brochure for the printing shop and I’d like to compose it in Excel”
“There are actually five rules…”
“In Powerpoint?”
“Make that six.”
Except PowerPoint is actually quite nice to make quick, easy and good looking visualizations and brochures without having to deal with Word
Well, Word isn’t really a good choice either.
It’s the most approachable for most people. For real graphics design more professional tools are available
like Paint
Paint?
matplotlib
I can personally attest to entire universities advocating for student use of powerpoint for all sorts of printshop work to include thesis and capstone presentation posters for conferences :)
For people who don’t want to spend time learning yet another single-purpose application, it works quite well
Use Libreoffice Draw
Honestly, since the introduction of ‘tables’, pivot tables, Power Pivot and Power Query, Excel is way more viable to be used as a database. Tables in particular mean that formulas fill down and the range automically resizes when records are added.
Iirc tables are actually treated similar to databases on the backend.
It can handle more than a million rows so why not?
A million rows sounds like a lot until you need more than that
In my experience it doesn’t work well when you have more than a couple people editing the file. My company had a group of ten modifying the same file in live time; it led to huge desync problems.
I live in Excel hell and even that made me shudder. Just work on separate files and have a master spreadsheet append everything with power query.
I made a similar reply higher up and I fucking hate that that’s a solution but it legitimately would work in this use case. I frequently deal with 1M+ row data sets and our API can only export like 20k rows at a time so I have a script make the pulls into a folder and I just PQ to append the whole fucking folder into one data set. You don’t even have to load the table at that point, you can pull as-is from the data model to BI or make a pivot or whatever else you’re trying to do with that much data.
Parent company doesn’t want ANYONE to have direct read access to the database - only the scant few heavily formatted reports the user-facing software will allow. Data analysis still needs to get done though, so…
Yeah. PQ -> Data Model saves my ass and my co-workers think I’m a wizard.
That, and learning how to quietly exploit minor vulnerabilities in the software to get raw tables I “shouldn’t” have and telling not one soul has been a winning combo!
I imagine an alternate 4th panel wherein the genie says “ok you can bring back dead people.” What do yall think? Also I bet we could come up with a themed genie or setting that would punch up the joke too. ♡♡ love it BTW, op.
